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how to : end spam email forever
by mg at 12:14 PM on June 05, 2001
To whom it may concern,
Please remove this e-mail address from your mailing list you FUCKING SCUMBAG.
If I receive any more emails from you, I will take action against your company. No, actually, I won’t take action against your company. I will take action against only the individual responsible for hitting the "send" button.
That action would most likely entail me hunting them down and beating them to death with a tire iron. No, make that an aluminum bat. I’ve always wanted to know if an aluminum bat will still make that same "ding" sound when it hits bone as it does when it hits a baseball.
Additionally, I will find that person's family, chop up their children, and feed the remains to the family dog/cat/goldfish/parakeet while I make their wife/husband/significant other watch. I will also be raping their wife/husband/significant other while I am forcing them to watch their dog/cat/goldfish/parakeet eat their children's remains.
As well, I will record over all their episodes of "Touched by an Angel," sit in their favorite chair naked, replace the toilet paper in their bathroom so that the flap hangs the wrong way, and finish all their milk but put the carton back in the refrigerator anyway.
That is how much I don't want to receive another email from you. Don't you think that if I wanted a University Diploma, (feel free to replace "University Diploma" with "Home Mortgage," "Free Porn" or "Office Toner") I would have replied to any one of your 23 previous emails, you stupid cum chunk?
Seriously, how stupid do you think I am? No, actually, I understand your marketing ploy. If people are stupid enough to fall for your scam, they are also stupid enough to believe that having a University Diploma from a company that sent them a spam email will actually help them achieve a better life.
You are pathetic and spineless for preying on the weak minded. Well, let me tell you something Mister (or Miss), I am not weak minded. Before I hunt you down and kill you, I will mess with your mind. I will follow you around, and when you go into the grocery store, I will hotwire your car and change the parking spot that you left it in. When you are doing laundry, I will take one half of all your socks from the dryer. I will replace your regular coffee with Folgers crystals.
You will be so mindfucked by the time I come for you, and I will come for you, you will welcome death. You will kiss my feet, even as a crush your skull. That is how much I want to never receive another email from you. Do you understand that you commie pinko bastard?
Hahahha. J/K! ;)
Wasn’t that a funny joke? I don't really want to rape your children or mess with your head. Not only that, but I really do want a University Diploma. In fact, I want two of them. So that when I hunt you down, I can stick one up your ass sideways, you goddamn spam monkey! The other one I will hang on my wall in a nice frame, so that I will always remember how happy I was the day I raped your wife/husband/significant other.
Sincerely,
Michael
comments (11)
Someone is getting a lot of spam. Spam make him ANGRIES. Hims crush spammers. Wif BIIG BAT. Dats bad.
Besides, even if you reply to those idiots, they've moved on to another address. I think I might start keeping track of these emails I get, and put their servers on a list. Get some tele-web-marketers in a bit of a pickle. I'll save the "Hot young Virgin Sluts" for Tom and mg.
by bri at June 5, 2001 1:37 PM
why are you so angry my son? please come to church with me this week.
by tom at June 5, 2001 5:57 PM
hey, you should check out the thing Matt is doing:
marketing myopia. It's a portal to fight spam and shit like that. Though their methods will surely not be as . . . colorful as yours :)
by Charles at June 6, 2001 1:42 AM
Haha very amusing, Your quiote the character. But I have several Questions for you...about your "jokes"
by Adam at July 19, 2001 4:26 PM
Its me again!!! I just wanted to say that I can probably help you trace these e mails back and get them banned from thier server for sending out the illegal things!!! I have some knowledge on internet security, and prgramming. I might be building a site soon that will have directions for (those of you that wish to take the time) you to be able to trace the e mails back and get thier internet service provider, server or whatever they have sending the things out banned.
by Dark Enterprise at December 13, 2001 5:11 PM
I have been getting university diploma messages for months and keep on receiving them after suspension. I complained to "Scambusters" three times about it. They would help me for only a short time only, then the annoying messages come back. I can trace the spammer from their IP address and know where they come from. I can't block them at all as they keep on changing their sender e-mail address and IP address. Hotmail blocking devices won't help at all. The blocking is useless. I am fed up with them and I have to delete the spam message everytime it arrives in my mailbox
by CJGS at January 26, 2002 11:44 PM
I make it a pont to call the number and tell them to F Off all the time
I left my work number with them one time telling them to call me becuse I was realy intrested. (Just so I could rip them a new ass hole when they called me) but they never called me back.
What do these dam companys do this for and when they get someone that they might be able to rip off they don't even bother calling.
by Rich at February 8, 2002 1:10 PM
you smell ass hole
by dan inayeh at May 2, 2003 10:47 PM
The last time I threatened to kill a spammer he E-Mailed my host and almost got my site shut down.
That pissed me off, I think spamming should have capital punishment.
by Rich at January 27, 2004 3:39 PM
aaa
by hehehe at April 17, 2005 10:38 AM
That's like the greatest thing I've ever read.
by Janine at April 13, 2006 12:47 AM