badsamblog

hungry like a wolf

2006-09-03T15:29:05Z

In an otherwise serious editorial in today's Chicago Sun Times about Jon Benet and pedophilia comes this brilliant and hilarious line that I wish I'd written:

"Then along came John Mark Karr and Warren Steed Jeffs, men with appetites for underage sex as large as their names."

I want this so called snakes off my so called life

2006-09-01T02:29:12Z

It almost seems unneccessary to make a parody of movie as ridiculous as Snakes on a Plane, but that didn't stop hundreds of people from trying. On of my favorites is Snakes on Claire Danes.

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i've found a driver and that's a start

2006-08-23T13:35:02Z

I don't know what evidence there may be linking him to the murder of JonBenet Ramsey, but has anyone in history looked more like a kid toucher than John Mark Karr? And he has three names! I say lets just find him guilty now and get back to ignoring the war in the Middle East.

once I wanted to be the greatest

2006-08-10T03:17:17Z

What could be greater than pictures of cats? Pictures of cats with stuff. On them. And that's just what you'll find at the aptly named Stuff On My Cat.Com. Insert your own "Stuff On My Pussy.Com" joke here. (Ha, insert!)

beware his tiger punch

2006-08-06T23:39:22Z

You better watch out King Hippo, because Glass Joe and Piston Honda just got knocked the fuck out.

Forget the amazing hands this dude must have to knock out two people with two punches, the most amazing thing about this video is that two guys can get knocked out in 5 seconds, and no one else in the bar even seems to notice. Remind me not to get my ass kicked in Chicago.

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bambi says "this one's for you mom!"

2006-08-06T23:29:23Z

This hunter gets pwned by a deer. I don't know what pwned means, but I like seeing rednecks get their asses kicked by animals.

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yeah white boy, it's non-fat

2006-08-06T15:18:13Z

One in a series of short clips advertising Star Trek 2.0. I don't know if thats a real thing, but I do know I used to have one of these Captain Kirk ~~dolls~~ action figures. I also had an Erik Estrada from CHiPs. I never made them do anything to each other. Really.

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Go to YouTube to see the other StarTrek 2.0 videos.

not that there is anything wrong with that

2006-07-12T03:20:47Z

I consider myself a reasonably intelligent person, but after balls to nuts I think the funniest thing in the world is when someone mispronounces a word or uses the completly wrong word for a situation to humorous conclusions. This video is a perfect example of that.

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(link via the hose)

warm hands and x-ray specs

2006-04-26T04:13:54Z

I don't know about anyone else, but I sure think a shuttle driver for a car dealership is really the most qualified person to give a breast exam. I really don't blame the women who got fooled by him, one look at how thick those glasses are and they probably thought he could see inside them.

i will not toss weapons grade plutonium out my car window

2006-03-07T14:23:36Z

In 15 years of The Simpsons there have been more than 300 different opening sequences, but nothing like this live-action re-enactment. It is really pretty amazing. My only question is, where'd they find the plutonium?

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taste chew and enjoy

2006-03-04T15:25:06Z

As I start getting a little older I'm finding it much harder to lose weight. But why excercise or diet, when I can enjoy AYDS? This is has got to be at the tops of the list for unfortunately named products, right behind Analrapist Suppositories and Bukkake Non-Dairy Milk Shakes.

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what could be more fun than playing duck hunt?

2006-03-02T04:22:46Z

I haven't really played video games since the bygone days of the orginal Nintendo's Duck Hunt, but I think these lego re-enactments of famous video game scenes are pretty cool. I also think they're kind of lame. I guess I'm just fickle that way.

its natural

2006-03-01T13:24:04Z

So what do you do if you're a nudist and it's winter? What do you do? Apparently, you let your daughter fondle your mule. This is disturbing on so many levels.

the war to end all war

2006-03-01T04:23:08Z

Apparently massive pillow fights have broken out across the country. Who needs machine guns or smart bombs, when you have a sack of white fluffy feathers? Wouldn't it be great if this was how the world fought all it's wars? I'd like to buy the world a home, furnish it with love grow apple trees, honey bees and snow white turtle doves.

Of course, if pillow fights were the way we fought wars women should be allowed in activity duty, and every country's military uniform would consist of nothing but bra and panties.

a short open letter to Bode Miller

2006-02-25T04:12:03Z

I don't mind you being a complete blowhard, but I do mind that you've made a complete mockery out of the once proud U.S. Ski Team. You were our great white hope, but a black person has won more Winter Olympics gold medals than you have. A black person!

Warmest Regards,
America