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have a cookie
by jen x at 09:17 PM on April 11, 2007
Dear denizens of the interwebs,
When you create an account on facebook, myspace, orkut, friendster, or any other of the ego-stroking 'look at all of my totally zomg awesome friends!' websites (and I can't judge too harshly, I have some too), the world does not need the big pronouncement of how low you've fallen, how you've totally caved now and bought into the hype and look at all the same crap you're now hosting on yet another website, obnoxious forwarded messages included, and quite honestly, we don't care, because if we really wanted to find you on one of those sites, we'd either email you asking if you had a profile or do a very simple, very easy search on your name/username/email accounts and check for ourselves.
You're not the first person to have a presence on the internet, you won't be the last, and you know what? There's no bloody prize for joining or abstaining. I don't care if you're there or not, I don't care what your reasons are or aren't, and I don't need to hear all about how awesome you find it, how exciting it is to suddenly find all of these old high school, elementary school, or fellow hooker-ass-cocaine-snorting friends you've suddenly gotten back in touch with after all these years.
I don't care. I seriously doubt the rest of us do either, and if you're so stupid as to put so much of your information online already, then I don't know what to tell you aside from asking for your bank account information so I can share the wealth this Nigerian prince wants me to hide off-shore for him.
Sincerely,
jen x (and yes, that so totally is my real last name, how'd you know?!)
comments (73)
I'm a tad confused in that much of my personal information is online (uhm, my name - though friends can access my phone number and home address I suppose), but I do not think this makes me 'a stupid.' I am not particularly afraid of people knowing my name or coming to realise that I have a LiveJournal or Facebook. Then again, I'm not typically spilling my guts on them either. I keep my guts inside!
I did laugh when you noted how everyone (let's find out if HTML works in these here comment boxes) seems to be sacrificing personal dignity (as they remind their pals) to join these websites. 'Oh, I gave in and got a Facebook!' Yes, we're all above networking services even though we condescend to use them. Awesome.
It reminds me of people who have answering machine messages along the lines of, 'You know the drill.' The implication is that the dude (it could be a lady, but in my hypothetical situation it is a dude - for this is my fantasy we're talking about) went out with the specific intention of purchasing an answering machine (or bought a phone package that includes voicemail), went through the trouble of setting it up, and then feigned some sort of detached apathy for the entire process at the end, as though his hand were forced. Bravo, hypothetical dude!
by Shawn M. at April 13, 2007 12:11 PM
Please listen carefully because our menu options have changed. More accurately they have bee eliminated. If you know your party's extension please ram a pincer up your ass. Otherwise leave a message in the generic voice mail bin. Messages will be deleted daily. Thank you for calling.
by anna at April 17, 2007 7:45 AM
FINALLY. A picture of the fiery red head, JEN X..... finally.
by LOCKHEEd at April 18, 2007 6:22 PM
There have been pictures of me around for ages, Lockheed; where have you finally found this one?
I'll decide whether or not to ruin your impressions later. ;)
by Jen X at April 19, 2007 10:48 AM
That is a particularly cute picture, though...
by Shawn M. at April 19, 2007 10:53 AM
I only keep the (very) old, good ones around. :)
by Jen X at April 19, 2007 3:45 PM
Well Jen.....
When every single word makes sense, than it's easier to have those songs around...
And it feels so good to hurt so bad....
turn on those sad songs....
But you're fiery. Ouch. Almost like you're a DEMON from Hell itself. Perhaps one of Satan's Concubines.
Speculation on my part.
Well, BADSAM... I'm glad that you're still around. LOCKHEED has a 30% chance of living as long as you as LOCKHEED in this lifetime...
Sad songs say so much...
by LOCKHEED at April 19, 2007 11:43 PM
I think it's time we stopped letting Lockheed near the booze.
Or the wimmins.
by Jen X at April 20, 2007 11:27 AM
On the Contrary, my dear Jennifer....
Let the booze and illicits run their course....
...I promise, with a probability of 95%, the only good will come from this.
VERY GOOD
by LOCKHEED at April 20, 2007 7:01 PM
Dude, this place still exists! Awesome!
Jen, thanks for this - I agree with you about these sites. For whatever reason, I've given in to a couple of them, and at first it's kinda cool to find old school mates and old friends, but then after a while, it's like, "Why did I sign up for this again?" Facebook was described as "digital crack" by a friend, and that it is. Except that I keep going back, and I don't really feel the high any more.
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