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three million one hundred fifty three thousand six hundred minutes

by mg at 11:31 PM on October 03, 2006

Holy crap. I can't believe this whole day almost went by without me even noting how important today is.

Believe it or not, today my first screenplay Batteries Still Not Included. No, wait, I made that all up. The real reason today is important because today is the six year anniversary of Bad Samaritan.

It almost passed completely without notice until I noticed all the counting titles looking at the "On This Day" feature. It says something about how much attention I've given the site recently that I didn't even realize it was coming up. Or maybe it's just the fact I can't possibly believe its Roc-tober already.

In past years on the site's anniversary I've done recaps of open questions and unfinished stories. I would have had to contribute more than two posts a month over the past year (my actual average) to make doing something like that worthwhile. In the most productive years of the site, I might have done 24 posts in a month, much less an entire year. This dearth of posting could be attributed to a couple things:

1) I'm older and presumably more mature. Being close to death myself, making jokes about other people's death is not quite as much fun as it used to be. Actually, making fun of dead people stopped being so much fun after an entire Christian university turned on me after something I'd written about one of their dead classmates.

2) I have children, daughters even so pornography isn't quite so harmless anymore. Before having my own daughter I never really thought about how every woman in those filthy videos and pictures was someone's daughter, preferring to believe they just sprung up from sea foam like some kind of Greek goddess. But I was in the delivery room when my wife gave birth, and believe me that isn't how it happens. I'd just feel weird look at that stuff now, and also a lot harder to justify to the wife my vast collection of daddy-daughter porn now that we have kids of our own.

3) I actually have a job and other responsibilities. At my most active period on this site I was spending about 4 hours a day in Bad Samaritan related activities. It was certainly more fun researching (really, I researched things) and writing several posts a day that'd end up getting dozens of comments instead of sending out resumes and cover letters which would just end up in a shredder in some office I didn't even want to work at anyway.

4) I was just so completely wrong about Bush and Iraq that I'd just rather not discuss politics ever again. While I don't honestly believe that, it certainly feels that way sometimes. And the days where I'm secure in my political beliefs are even worse, because guys like the Iranian President scares the beans out of me. This dude honestly wants to be the guy who brings on the Armageddon, and there are millions of Muslims who are behind him, and millions more Evangelical Christians who wouldn't the end of the world so much either. Most days I'm ready for us to go back to sticking our heads in the sand (instead of our tanks?) and just ignoring the whole Middle East so that we can avoid anyone pushing one of the Big Red Buttons (and I'm not talking about Staples' "Easy Button" folks) for long enough to me enjoy at least a couple years of my retirement.

5) I'm happy. It's hard to want to take a shit on anyone else when you are happy just using the bathroom. And really, I need to feel like shitting on someone else to write some of the stuff I used to write. Things are going alright for me, so I don't feel the need to shit on anyone else to make myself feel better. The past couple years I've been so happy I'm completely satisfied using a toilet.

So, I guess if you really miss the old Bad Samaritan you should be pulling for a divorce, another big terrorist attack, the country to go into a recession, something bad to happen to one my kids, or that time starts moving backwards. It seems likely that one of those things might happen. Personally, I'm pulling for the last one.

comments (3)

I don't care if you wish for a terrorist disaster or recession, but if anyone out there actually is hoping for something to happen to my kids, you deserve to be hunted down and killed. Either that, or you deserve to be a new writer here. One or the other, I don't know, it'll entirely depend on how good you are at hoping for things.

by mg at October 3, 2006 11:43 PM

i heard that your wife is also pulling hard for time to move backwards because you're just not able to perform like you used to (which was not a high bar to start with)

by eviltom at October 4, 2006 4:13 AM

I am with you on the Bushie. I used to be down with him until I realized he is the AntiHomer. Plus I've got my daily Bushism calendar on my fridge as a constant reminder of what an idiot he is.

by anna at October 4, 2006 7:33 AM

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