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anna

Fame is fleeting

by anna at 10:34 AM on October 15, 2006

From what I've been able to glean from the only store in my barrio that still features English-language tabloids (we also get automated messages from my son's school in Spanish) they've narrowed their intense focus down to perhaps half a dozen go-to celebrities.

Here I use the term loosely, as in Dancing with the "Stars." They don't obsess over real stars like Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro, Jack Nicholson, Meg Ryan or Meryl Streep. They are too old and revered for this cheap and tawdry form of attention-lavishing.

Like animals in a zoo, the anointed few live their entire lives in the hot glare of the spotlight with helicopters hovering overhead and paparazzi jostling them on every sidewalk they dare to set foot on. If they roll down the tinted window of their limo an enormous lems comes poking in. I'd sooner shove my hand down the disposal than lead that type of phony life.

So who are these people, and what is going on in their charmed lives? Basically it boils down to Jessica (or "Jess"), Nick, Britney ("Brit",) Kevin, Angelina ("Angie",) Brad, Jen and Vince and Jennifer ("J Lo"). Then there are "sexy blondes" or "handsome studs" they are caught on tape canoodling with. Each week we're informed of their couplings amongst each other, their near-breakups, their "baby bumps" and so forth. It is frightening to consider how much of our resources are consumed by this activity.

Below them is the TomKat, which seems to have fallen out of favor for several reasons. Tom is off-puttingly intense about his creepy beliefs. And there's the feeling that he somehow traded down in hooking up with Kat. And he seems gay. And he keeps his baby in seclusion.

Rarely do these people ever get around to actually working i.e. acting in a movie or releasing a CD. When they do the results are often disastrous. See: The Mexican, Ocean's Whatever, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Gigli, Employee of the Month, Crossroads, The Breakup, Picture Perfect Mission Impossible III, First Daughter and so on. When is the last time Brit had a hit record? K-Fed puts out more material.

On the third tier are such pop tarts are Kirsten Dunst, Christina Aguilera and Brittany Murphy. Although I don't know her myself, I am almost certain the latter is what we used to call a "dirty girl." And I don't even know where I got that impression. For all I know she's been in a monogamous relationship her whole life or is an anal virgin.

Nor do I know why I am so sure that she and Dunst (and Paris Hilton, for obvious reasons) both smell bad. But I am fairly certain neither one of them ever comes completely clean. I used to think the same thing about Fran Drescher. On the other hand, I am positive Ryan smells great even after a workout or sex. Same with Jay Leno but not Letterman.

Then there are thos who make their livings fawning over these creeps. Nancy O'Dell and Billy Bush are prime examples. They've kind of become celebs in ther own rights by licking the rims of the stars. Nonetheless O'Dell probably smells ok but I am not at all sure about Bush. He might reek like the TomKat's bed.

Brad is supposedly the hottest hunk on the planet. But it is a documented fact that smokes. That isn't very sexy. He smells like ass.

I've learned a new Spanish word in my quest to learn the primary language of my country solely by osmosis. It is separatos.


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