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The worst things come from inside here
by anna at 10:11 AM on September 15, 2006
It's 8 AM and I am noting the irony in a columnist grousing about the racism of Survivor: Race Wars and then later making light of consummate white oaf Tucker Carlson being the first "star" ousted from Dancing with the Stars. What's next, Christians squaring off against Muslims and Buddhists and Sikhs? I flick on the TV and on either HBO or Comedy Central there is a WASPy cutup doing standup. It is odd cuz he isn't some loquacious brother trodding through the differences-between-the races fields plowed by Richard Pryor and Chris Rock so many years ago. Nor is he Sarah Silverman bringing her deadpan perspective to the bittersweetness of being a Jewsh girl raped by a doctor. He's talking about an awkward one night stand he had.
The girl pulled away from him and crouched like an umpire and began playing with herself. He likens her to a preying mantis and a box of cow tongues and a DJ spinning records. He decides to join in the auto-erotic fun. While doing so he asks that quintessentially male question: Do you like that? The punchline is that when is the last time a girl replied, "No. I hate it. In fact I am hating it more and more with each disgusting stroke."
And yet it is true. There is something revolting about guys jerking off at all let alone with others present. Hence most male masturbation takes place solo, save for the occasional childhood circle jerk or that time your sister caught you in the bathroom, never to be mentioned again. This is unlike the female version, which can be quite stimulating to some.
The same is true of homosexual activity during threesomes. Many guys would literally die or even lessen their credit score to behold some gal-gal action. Whereas most girls would sooner get beheaded on the web than watch two dudes go at it.
The ACLU needs to look into this dichotomy.
comments (4)
lol, I'm reminded of the wet biscuit. You probs know it. A bunch of guys with a barely pube between them wank over a large digestive biscuit, and the last to come onto the biscuit is forced to eat it. It's the shortest game in history because guys this age can come instantly if they so much as catch a whiff of a woman's perfume while tugging the trooper. Only time you open your eyes during this game is when you need to direct what you've got at the biscuit, open them too soon and the game is up - you'll likely come last (place and literally).
No, I've never eaten a digestive biscuit covered in semen, but I briefly watched a kid do it as I fought for breath and put away mini-me. Funny thing is discovering years later that the guy who lost is in the local paper vying for the title of Mr Gay for your city. Gotta wonder since your eyes were closed, if his were, and then wonder if his weren't and he was genuinely into what he was, how he managed to come last.
Meh, life's a mystery. Wonder if there's a female equivalant to the wet biscuit? Never thought to ask about it.
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at September 16, 2006 10:10 PM
Heh-heh. That's like the old joke: Guy goes to work on an oil rig. Money's good but no women in sight. Asks the foreman about this. Foreman suggests using the barrel. Not as good as the real thing but ok. Guy checks it out, not bad. Asks foreman if he can use it anytime he wants. "Sure, except Tuesdday night." "Why, what's Tuesday night?" ..."Your night in the barrel." Aargh!
by anna at September 17, 2006 11:41 AM
No way he knew he was gay back then Crimson...
that's is a straight nasty game...
this facebook kid is getting a billion from yahoo... college drop out he was (Harvard though)... but nonetheless...
by Lockheed at September 21, 2006 1:53 PM
I dunno. I recall wrestling with a guy who turned out to be gay. He was sporting wood.
by anna at September 23, 2006 9:37 AM