« catch the mist, catch the myth, catch the mystery, catch the drift | Main | we don't need another hero, we don't need to know the way home »
Short pants romance learn to dance please her please him 20 years of schooling and they put you on the day shift
by anna at 04:28 PM on August 05, 2006
At the beginning our minds are just blank slates. We don't even know we exist. We have no sense of identity. Gradually we become aware of who our mothers are. Unless we live in some ghetto where dads flit from mom to mom as if bees pollinating flowers we might also gain some passing familiarity with dad.
Then we learn how to toddle and walk and talk and how to know it is time to run to the toilet before we soil our Big Boy training pants. Before we know it is off to school to learn our ABCs and how 49 divided by 6 =, well, whatever it equals. Then it's middle school and a whole new skill set must be mastered. How to undo a bra strap. How to wedge yourself between a guy's legs and the back of a PG moviehouse seat and still be able to pull down a zipper ans start slobbering without making too much noise.
High School. How to fit in. Complicated equations. Memorizing politics of ancient history. College. Being indoctinated in the oxymoronic belief system known as "situational ethics" while being hazed by frats and sororities.
Then your first pathetic stabs at Real Adulthood. Balancing checkbooks. Car payments. Repo men. Foreclosed mortgages. Fired from jobs. Shoplifting. Prison. Becoming your cellmate's bitch. Release. Parole. Adjusting to life on the outside. Real job. Office politics. Jealously. Marriage. Divorce. Fix the lawn mower. Take a nap. Consider going to battle with the swarm of hornets who've colonized the railroad tie outside your front door, making you deathly afraid to go outside. Think better of it. Call from county about grass. Hermithood.
Before long you're elderly and a whole new set of concerns besets you, once again replacing the layer of grey matter and neurons that made up the previous ones. Now it's when you last took a dump. Did you remember to take your meds? What about shuffleboard? Did you eat enough fiber? Dentures soaking. Mislaid bones. Sweety-pie, have you seen my fibula? It was right here. Wopner at five. Wheel of Fortune... And just before you die, it occurs to you: I am about to die. None of this matters for shit. It never did.
Not that any of that's ever happened to moi. Nosiree Bob.
comments (10)
My son almost beat me at pool today. That would of been disastrous. His head is so big already he might as well have Down's syndrome. Which reminds me, how come Magic Johnson never caught the AIDS? Saw him on TV promoting something or other and he filled up the whole screen. Major poundage after all these years with the HIV!
by anna at August 5, 2006 5:00 PM
Maybe he said his prayers and took his vitamins.
No wait it was the LA water.
by Long Time Lurker at August 5, 2006 5:51 PM
There's this short story by FScott Fitzgerald called 'the curious case of Benjamin Button'.... it's about a boy who was born an OLD MAN, and then his life moves in Reverse... First he's super wise, then he gets younger, kicks butt at college football, than immediately gets too small and then he forgets words, logic, and then turns into an infant... and then an egg, and then dissappears.
by Lockheed at August 5, 2006 6:43 PM
I think people would be much happier if they realized that none it mattered much earlier. How many fewer anti-depression drugs would there need to be if everyone just admited that their life had no meaning?
So, Anna, at what age did you learn "how to wedge yourself between a guy's legs and the back of a PG moviehouse seat and still be able to pull down a zipper and start slobbering"?
Lock, that story reminds me of Jonathan Winters' character on Mork and Mindy. I wonder if thats where F Scott got it.
by mg at August 5, 2006 10:37 PM
Couldn't agree more MG. Not about that, I don't wedge myself anywhere. But about realizing the meaninglessness sooner. Ian and I were talking about the low incidence of reported depression in places where they've got every reason to feel blue, like AIDS-infested Africa or France.
by anna at August 6, 2006 2:09 PM
all very true... 'freedom blah blah is another word for...you know 'nothing left to lose'... blah blah...
MG, generally speaking, how long is a commute to White Plains without a car, as in public transportation/train from upper west side?
by Lockheed at August 6, 2006 8:39 PM
White Plains is a place where no thinking person should ever go. like any place on Long Island except the Hamptons.
by anna at August 6, 2006 9:01 PM
I don't know Lock, I never took mass transit. According to the MTA website its 40-50 minutes. I'd put a link here for ya, but there aren't direct URLs to the schedules. It's the Metro North Harlem line.
by mg at August 6, 2006 9:55 PM
eh, some of that is kinda true. Sep, if you do any of it wrong, you hafta try again, starting over as the blank slate, lol Except it's a myth that we blank slates at birth.
by fcsuper at August 7, 2006 9:03 PM
I am a blank state now. Everything Zen, I don't think so...
by anna at August 8, 2006 9:55 AM