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heheheheheheee wipe oooout!
by mg at 08:50 AM on August 30, 2006
I've worked for a lot of shitty companies over the years. Companies that didn't give a crap about their employees. The company I'm working for now is different. I can tell how much the company I work for cares about its employees because they buy us quilted toilet paper.
I don't buy the quilted toilet paper at home because I never saw the point. "Toilet paper is toilet paper," I thought. Also because I am cheap. But using the quilted toilet paper in the office john, I think I might have come around on the issue.
When I use the toilet paper at home now, it feels like rubbing sandpaper on engorged hemorrhoids. I can't go back to that after using the good stuff at work. So now, where I used to be pee shy and never wanted to drop a load during working hours, saving it up until I got home, I do the reverse. I plan my dumps for the 9-5, and on the weekends, I cross my legs until Monday morning.
Using the quilted stuff at work is like rubbing a baby on your ass, while using the cheap at home is like having someone with razor stubble perform anilingus on you (please don't ask me how I know how either of those feels).
But be careful, because I don't know how they make toilet paper quilted but however they do it the quilting only ends up making one side softer and the other side not so much. So, the problem is that when using the quilted stuff it's a bit of a crapshoot if you aren't careful. If you wipe with the quilted side up, it's all good. But if you aren't paying attention and wipe with the quilted side down it's like scrapping your ass across a gravel driveway.
comments (8)
You're a poet, mg.
by Adam L. at August 30, 2006 10:10 AM
My company offers course one-ply but it is rigged up so you can pull two one-plys down and use a makeshift 2-ply. But I rarely do it because there's a long bank of toilets and there's nothing grosser than a bunch of guys groaning and farting and sometimes taking to each other across the partitions. And all that plop plop fizz fizz brings me down.
That is why those unisex Allie McBeal bathrooms would never work in practice.
That analingus reference is bringing me down too.
by anna at August 30, 2006 5:55 PM
Talking to each other, not taking to each other, though they may do that too.
by anna at August 30, 2006 5:56 PM
i agree w/ adam l. mg is indeed a poet. he is also a douche bag.
by eviltom at August 30, 2006 7:47 PM
I've licked MG's butthole. But I'm a dog!
by Bruno at August 30, 2006 8:05 PM
Hopefully you shaved first.
by anna at August 31, 2006 7:19 AM
Oh no, MG... you're turning into a Fob, or a High Society Snob... which means your are blindly racist, and cheat the brutha's out of money, yo.
by LOCKHEED at August 31, 2006 2:21 PM
oh yeah? my company provides us with EIGHT ply toilet paper! (unfortunately, they don't provide us with toilets.)
by Eviltom at August 31, 2006 7:15 PM