anna

Takin more than her share she had me fighting for air

by anna at 05:57 PM on August 30, 2006

Now that Splashing in the Gene Pool: A Lighthearted Look at Evolution Genetics and Racism is a wrap, I am developing the outline for my new pseudo-scientific opus. It's working title is I Smell a Wet Pussy: A Study of Female Arousal.

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comments (2)

mg

heheheheheheee wipe oooout!

by mg at 08:50 AM on August 30, 2006

I've worked for a lot of shitty companies over the years. Companies that didn't give a crap about their employees. The company I'm working for now is different. I can tell how much the company I work for cares about its employees because they buy us quilted toilet paper.

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comments (8)

anna

Bye Bye Ms. American Pie (low-fat)

by anna at 08:33 AM on August 26, 2006

Rock n' roll died when Jerry Lee Lewis married his 13 year old cousin. Or it fizzled out when Chuck Berry got entangled in a similar scandal. Or it gasped its last breath when that plane ferrying Buddy Holly and the Big Bopper went down. Or else when they had to knock out Elvis' teeth with a hammer. Or perhaps it was when the Beatles decided to quit touring and go all psychedelic on us in 1966. Or when Ozzie bit off that bat's head. But whichever date you choose, make no mistake: rock n' roll is as dead and docile as skull-fucker Jeffrey Daumer with that shiv between his ribs. Who was going to rush to its rescue, the warden?

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comments (8)

anna

The cracked bells and washed-out horns blow into my face with scorn

by anna at 11:04 AM on August 20, 2006

As I lay there on the griddle-hot sands of Wildwood (downa sho-ah to you Jersy-ites) savoring my 3rd Margarita, it came to me. I am the one who can save the world, or at least solve the stupid "war on terror" conundrum. The way we're waging it now isn't working because trying to fight shadowy terrrorists with conventional armies is like trying to hold water in your fingers. Oh, and I can bring peace to the mideast without any "peace process."

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comments (5)

mg

broke my heart to leave the city, i mean it broke what wasn't broken in there already

by mg at 08:15 AM on August 14, 2006

There were many reasons for leaving New York City, and I don't regret it for one moment.

Well, no, that isn't quite accurate. I don't think it was the wrong decision, but there are some minutes, some brief but urgent moments, where I wish I was back in the city. Most of the time I realize how good and necessary this move was. But every once in awhile there is a pang of doubt that hits like a stitch in the side while running.

And that is exactly what it feels like, I'll be in the middle of doing something else and then "Wham!" this sharp ache for "home" when I realize I miss New York.

I miss New York when I realize that for all I've seen of most Chicagoans, I can't be entirely sure that anyone in this city has legs. In New York I walked. I love to walk. For the year and a half before I moved I was commuting out of the city and doing it in a car. But I would still take every opportunity to walk around the city. It didn't matter where I was walking to or from, just that I was moving. Here, I've not had any opportunity to walk any distance further than from the furthest parking spot away from the front door of Costco (which is pretty far, but still). And for all that time in the car, the most I've seen of Chicagoans is from the shoulders up.

For all I know half the population is really a population of halves.

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comments (11)

anna

A squirming dog who's just had her day

by anna at 02:13 PM on August 12, 2006

Everyone heard about this girl's revelation about having dated this hunk and yet remaining an intact virgin. I'd like to put my belated two cents in on the contretemps that ensued.

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comments (1)

anna

I get away, almost every day with what the girls call...murder

by anna at 09:56 AM on August 08, 2006

Once I posted something and one Jaded Ju commented thusly: "This is so wrong, on so many levels, that I don't even know where to begin." My son and I still use that line frequently, as when watching America's Got Talent. See if you can ID the quadruple-insult in the passage below.

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comments (9)

mg

we don't need another hero, we don't need to know the way home

by mg at 09:04 AM on August 07, 2006

The big news this week was Lethal Weapon star Mel Gibson's arrest in Malibu, California for driving under the influence. But it wasn't just the drunken driving that was the story, but his drunken ramblings while getting arrested that has captured all the headlines. Gibson threatened the arresting officer, and made a number of anti-Semitic comments, including his belief that "the Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world."

Gibson's remarks about the Jews starting all the wars in the world captured even more headlines this week than the actual war that the Jews have started.

At first, the comments seem completely nonsensical and ignorant. But on closer inspection, the guy's got a point, and if anyone knows something about war, it's Mel. Gibson has been in a lot of war movies. In fact, of the 40+ movies on his IMDB filmography, nearly 1/4 are about war. Gibson knows what he's talking about. Let's take a closer look at some of Gibson's career-long research into the wars the Jews have started.

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comments (12)

anna

Short pants romance learn to dance please her please him 20 years of schooling and they put you on the day shift

by anna at 04:28 PM on August 05, 2006

At the beginning our minds are just blank slates. We don't even know we exist. We have no sense of identity. Gradually we become aware of who our mothers are. Unless we live in some ghetto where dads flit from mom to mom as if bees pollinating flowers we might also gain some passing familiarity with dad.

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comments (10)

mg

catch the mist, catch the myth, catch the mystery, catch the drift

by mg at 10:15 AM on August 05, 2006

As Mark Twain once said, "Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated."

comments (7)