anna

They say time heals everything but I'm still waiting

by anna at 09:27 AM on May 29, 2006

I know it isn't fashionable to admit to buying CDs anymore. But I can afford them and I avoid the humiliation of having to enlist my son's help in illegally downloading tunes. So yes, I have hundreds of CDs. The latest addition to my collection is the Dixie Chicks' Taking the Long Way.

Remember them? Lead singer Natalie Maines has been in seclusion since 2003, when she enraged her redneck fan base with some unkind remarks about the misunderestimated bufffoon known simply as W. She made these disparaging remarks in England just as the two countries were preparing to take over a sovereign nation and steal its oil. A case of bad comedic timing. Or at least that's the way it seemed to some people.

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comments (7)

anna

This voice keeps whispering in my other ear

by anna at 10:41 AM on May 22, 2006

Yes, I am aware of the hot debate over immigration. I know the House has passed a Draconian bill and the Senate is considering another. I know W emerged from hiding to deliver a speech about it, delaying 24 by 19 minutes.

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comments (7)

anna

Better jump down a manhole

by anna at 08:56 PM on May 17, 2006

Always I return to a website I ran across back when MG included links on his site. I am notoriously gunshy when it comes to surfing the net and for good reason. Countless times my computer network has been downed by viruses and cookies and spyware and other difficulties. I also have the problem with my wife's virulent hatred of porn in any form. If I click on any iffy site by mistake while doing research for my scholarly book Splashing in the Gene Pool: A Lighthearted Look at Genetics, Evolution and Racism, then I have to delete my entire cache. That is one reason I've been away so long. There are others.

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comments (11)

adam

No Pets, No Smokers

by adam at 01:16 AM on May 17, 2006

We're looking to move. My fiancee and I are relocating to somewhere half way between my school and her job. And one of the things I've noticed is that in the Bay Area, they hate animals. HATE them. Most of the ads I've seen end with, "No pets, no smokers." I understand the thing with the smokers - risk of fire, smell in the walls and carpets. I can understand no dogs - the noise, the smell if the pet owner doesn't bother walking the thing. I even understand no cats - they can rip up the carpets or smell up the joint if the owner can't be bothered to change the litter box. But here, they don't even allow fish. I have an aquarium-dwelling turtle. It doesn't smell, it doesn't make noise. Not allowed. There isn't a reason, it's just "agaist our policy." I've lived in pet hostile places before - Hawaii was REALLY not keen on dogs. But I've never seen people who are so against pet ownership on general principle. This isn't a good sign as a tenant. I've already lived in two places that enforced pointless rules because they were "policy": the first was my parents' house; the second was my college dorm. I don't care to repeat either experience, thanks.

comments (4)

adam

Good Things Come in Big Tin Cans

by adam at 03:04 AM on May 15, 2006

I saw it sitting there on the shelf of The Milk Pail, our tiny local counterpart to New York's Fairway Market, which I miss like crazy these days. There it was, a massive tin can mysteriously labeled, "Giant White Bean Spread." Country of origin: Greece. Price: $1.82. I didn't know exactly what was inside, but here's what I did know: at $1.82 for 2 kg, who cares?

I have a confession: I am the guy that buys those huge mysterious cans covered in an inch of dust at the grocery store. It all started a few years ago when I bought a huge can at a local market in Queens. It was from Bulgaria, all of the writing on the can was in what I assume is Bulgarian, and it cost less than a buck. I think there was a picture of an eggplant on the label, and a stuck-on nutritional information label that I found less than comforting. But what was inside was amazing - delicious eggplant spread that kept me fed for about a week. And with barely any food poisoning!

Here's my theory: at a tiny factory in a small country somewhere sunny, a pair of brothers are working their hearts out packing their mama's recipe for marinated peppers into cans for shipment to the USA. "We'll be rich, Gregor!" one of the brothers declares. Unfortunately, because they don't speak English and don't know a thing about the American market, they pack their nation's most treasured delicacy into 5-gallon drums with a three-color label that features a purple child wearing a potato sack and a nuclear explosion in the background. When it arrives in America, it sits on the shelf forever, passed over because it looks not only like surplus government beans, but FOREIGN surplus government beans, and gets marked down almost to nothing. Then I buy it and eat for a month, crying with pleasure the whole time.

The can from The Milk Pail actually tasted like the best hummus you've never had. We went back, bought all 8 cans, and I'm afraid that Safeway won't be getting our $3.45 for 6 oz of hummus any more. Here's my perfect supermarket item: it should be a can that weighs about 6 pounds. There might be a picture of something on it that could pass for either a grapefruit or an avocado. There's no English on the label other than "Item of Country: Azerbaijan Contents: Vegetable Matter, Spice, Oils" And it costs 83 cents.

comments (5)

anna

You better start swimming or you'll sink like a stone

by anna at 09:13 PM on May 02, 2006

I've got a new look. When I went in for my biannual haircut my stylist-masseuse had moved on. In her place was someone who spoke no English but looked very stylish. Since she looked so good and communication was futile I let her have her way with what is left of my hair.

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comments (9)