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wish I could breathe life in my new friend who's terribly still

by mg at 11:08 PM on April 25, 2006

If you've been wondering where I've been the past month or so (hell, the past year), I have great news to share.

I started this site almost six years ago, long before it got fashionable to have a blog, so as you might have guessed I've always had some aspirations to be a writer. I've thought of myself as a writer, but something has always come up to stop me.

For the past six years, this site has even stopped me from writing, as weird as that may sound. I mean, why write the Great American novel when you can write some pithy fake news articles on a website that five people read?

As I'm getting older though, its really nagging that I haven't done much with my life (you know, besides having children - something really good). So, over the past half year or so I've really focused myself and gotten rid of distractions and excuses and just wrote. All that work to stop myself from doing other work has really paid off because I actually finished a script I've been thinking about for more than a decade.

And, not only did I write a script, but it's been optioned!

I can't talk too much about it yet, like studio, director, or star, but I can say it's a sequel (yeah, I know, but this was a movie that really deserved a sequel). I'll fill you all in on things as I learn more, and maybe I'll blog the whole experience, but if not look for "batteries still not included" in summer 2008!

comments (12)

Damn I'm jealous. I've written 3 book including Splashing in the Gene Pool: A Lighthearted Look at Evolution, Genetics and Racism. No options. No bites. No nothing. Congrats to you MG. Make sure you get paid.

by anna at April 26, 2006 7:19 AM

Johnny Five is alive... right? I wouldn't go watch it, but I hope you make uber cash. Get to work on a decent script for the final Alien, lacking Ripley! She was never the star of the franchise, Hollywood failed to grasp... the star has always been the aliens. Meh. Kill her! She's graced too many books and survived too many movies. Somebody really needs to end it well... no Joss Whedon's... or anal French guys with barely an idea in their heads about the background.

You can do it MG! If not... get to work on some fantastic porn scripts, with interesting dialogue during orgies. W00t.

by Ex Crimson guard NCO at April 26, 2006 8:15 AM

WTF? A Movie Script? C"mon, MG, I thought you actually had a fucking MANUSCRIPT of the literary nature. I guess that's a start though.

In fact, I think that's pretty damn cool to ressurect a 20 year old movie. Congratulations.

ANNA, I'd love to read and critique your three 'books'. Usually, three strikes and your out though.

I ended up destroying my 400,000 word manuscript after the 1 out of 30 editors accepted it, worked on it for 1 year, and then rejected it. It was embarassing. But I will eventually 'Self-Publish' a novel within a few years, and hopefully Word of Mouth will help pick it up by a moderate P. House in the backwaters of NYC somewhere.

by Lockheed at April 26, 2006 2:37 PM

I have posted excerpts. Here is another, that I just wrote:

Back when we were evolving, unattractive people had few options at their disposal. You could adorn your loincloth with fur or flowers. You could slather your face with crude cosmetics fashioned from berries. You could become a wonton slut. For the men this wasnít such a problem. All they needed to do was be physically fit and aggressive enough to beat down their rivals and drag their women back to their caves by the hair. For women it was another story.

My how times have changed. Now homely women can transform themselves into world-class gene pool swimmers practically overnight. Breast augmentation, nose jobs, tummy tucks, Botox injections, bikini waxes, hair dyes and a host of sophisticated cosmetics and perfumes combine to make this possible. One severely disfigured French woman even got a face transplant! All of sudden plain Jane is oozing pheromones and has scads of suitors on their knees, begging to impregnate her.

From the individualís perspective this is a Godsend. But as a collective species we may be selling ourselves short. Women who have no business reproducing can and do. This fattens them up for a while, lowering the odds that men will want to have sex with them again. However, with the advent of personal trainers, dieticians and lyposuction that problem too is easily remedied. No wonder our youth look so ugly.

Conversely, scientists estimate that in any given population one in 30,000 persons is transsexual (or as they prefer to be called, transgender persons.) Rather than enhance their odds these folks have voluntarily withdrawn from the gene pool swim meet. Theyíll thus have no representation in future gene pools. What kind of evolutionary strategy is that?

by anna at April 26, 2006 5:38 PM

I hope you have A LOT of footnotes, Anna.

by Lockheed at April 27, 2006 3:10 PM

?????What is this the SUMMER SLUMP?????
it's MAY and it's still below 50 degress out?


by Lockheed at May 2, 2006 10:13 AM

Bad..Sam? badsam? ba... sa...

...so it ends...

by Lockheed at May 2, 2006 3:12 PM

Bad..Sam? badsam? ba... sa... sad..

...so it ends...

by Lockheed at May 2, 2006 3:12 PM

Bad..Sam? badsam? ba... sa... sad..

...so it ends...

by Lockheed at May 2, 2006 3:12 PM

MG- Congrats! It's me, L.J., still perusing your site from out here in L.A. Feel free to call if you have to take a meeting out here at Chateau Marmont or anything.

by L.J. at May 3, 2006 3:09 PM

I wanna take a meeting. "Hollywood's calling for the movie rights singing hey baby let's keep in touch."

by anna at May 3, 2006 6:15 PM


by Jamila at May 10, 2006 11:17 AM

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