anna

Hollywood's calling for the movie rights singing hey baby let's keep in touch

by anna at 07:22 PM on January 30, 2006

Lindsay Lohan has a new tattoo on her wrist. It says "Breathe." It is a reminder to herself that she suffers from asthma. This is such a west coasty thing to do. An east coaster would just buy some Primatene mist.

There's a long history of animosity between the two coasts. Just ask Notorious B.I.G. and Tupac Shakur. You'll be needing a shovel.

cont'd »

comments (11)

mg

bad news: marconi plays the mamba, listen to the radio

by mg at 08:45 AM on January 26, 2006

I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve been crazy busy lately. I haven’t had time for much of anything, and so haven’t been able to keep up with the news (though I unfortunately do know what happened on Celebrity Fit Club 3 last week).

In order to not lose track of the world, I did a blitzkrieg news binge this morning, and thought I’d share everything what I learned. Whether you've been busy like me, lazy (like me usually), or you just don't watch The Daily Show, you can read this so you won’t have to bother reading the news yourself.

Mayor Ray Nagin apologized for making comments about rebuilding New Orleans as a chocolate city. I don’t understand why everyone got all upset about this; I think having a city made entirely of chocolate would be a great way to bring tourists back to that hurricane ravaged city. If only they could build a city with fewer black people. And while an entire city made of chocolate may be a difficult architectural feat, I’ve heard of stranger building materials. Jefferson Starship, for example, built a city on rock and roll, and rock and roll isn’t even corporeal.

cont'd »

comments (13)

anna

He not busy being born is busy dying

by anna at 05:34 PM on January 23, 2006

Evolutionists and creationists just might have more in common than they’d ever care to admit. Although, as we’ve seen, it is merely a theory rife with gaping holes and discrepancies galore, those who believe we’re just an opposable thumb and an enhanced cranial capacity removed from baboons seek to discredit traditional religious teachings with all the dogged fervor of the most Bible-thumping southern Baptist evangelist.

The biggest difference between the two camps is the way evolutionists seek to leech all vestiges of mystique, magic and majesty from our lives. Creationists tend to revel in all three.

cont'd »

comments (12)

anna

Wild and Wonderful! West Virginia

by anna at 09:19 AM on January 19, 2006

We switched to Dish Network. Part of the come-on was that we'd get all the pay movie channels for free x 3 months. What this means is we can choose between 27 different drivels at any hour of the day or night. So when I used to come home from work and watch the news, now I sit entranced by cheesy B-grade movies and a glass of wine. This has resulted in me being unaware of the postal stamp rate-hike, my bills being returned for insufficient postage and all my utilities being rudely cut off. A cascade of misery I blame on Dish Network.

cont'd »

comments (7)

mg

don't let the sun be the one to change you baby, i wanna learn how to love

by mg at 10:48 PM on January 18, 2006

Yes, I know it being well past the ides of January it is probably too late to be making any New Year’s resolutions, especially considering that most other people have probably given up on their’s already, but I’ve decided to make one anyway.

I normally don’t do the whole resolution thing because I’m pretty honest with myself and know that if I can’t be convinced to change something about myself in August, it probably means I wont have much more success changing myself just because I’ve bought a new calendar recently.

cont'd »

comments (11)

anna

This voice keeps whispering in my other ear

by anna at 08:02 AM on January 17, 2006

You might think there's nothing worse, nothing more demeaning, than farting is someone's face while they are going down on you. You might be wrong.

cont'd »

comments (10)

mg

sing with me, sing for the years sing for the laughter and sing for the tears

by mg at 11:45 PM on January 16, 2006

I have a dream. Or at least I recently heard someone else talking about their dream.

And though today is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, I�m not talking about the good doctor, or his dream. The King, now he had a good dream what with all the races getting together and all. Curing polio or whooping cough would be a pretty good dream too. Winning the lottery wouldn�t be a half bad dream either. Even something selfish like being the meat in a three-way sandwich getting Brad and Jennifer back together would be a dream I could get behind (or in the middle of).

cont'd »

comments (8)

adam

What Value the Law?

by adam at 02:29 AM on January 16, 2006

Some of you might know that the United States staged some sort of attack on three homes in a border region of Pakistan. The alleged purpose was the assassination of Al-Qaeda's second-in-command Abu Hamza Rabia. I don't know what he's guilty of, but based on videotapes of the man I know that he's not exactly someone I'd want to have over for tea and jam sandwiches. But it appears that he wasn't in any of the houses, and 17 people (many of them children) were killed instead.

The reason we are worth saving as a civilization is that we don't believe in extra-judicial killing. We also don't believe in lobbing missiles into populated areas just on the off chance that someone we don't like is there. These are things that terrorists do, and I would rather see us disappear fighting for what makes us great than survive by becoming the devil. There is no such thing as "acceptable collateral damage" in a non-warzone attack against a non-military target.

If we have evidence of Abu Hamza Rabia's crimes, then we need to bring him to trial and see that he spends the rest of his life in jail. If we don't have evidence, then we need to keep working to find some. Within our own borders we have a word for someone who simply goes out and kills someone he suspects of a crime without the benefit of due process: vigilante. We don't tolerate vigilantism at home, and we certainly shouldn't tolerate it being done in our name abroad.

comments (11)

anna

I wanna be someone who believes, who believes

by anna at 07:16 PM on January 11, 2006

A coworker, who's a nurse, has a little problem. Turns out there's a pipe that runs from her water meter to her townhouse, where she lives alone with a menagerie of pets. It has a hole in it. The water authority says it is spewing a gallon a minute into the sewer system. That is 1,440 gallons a day! She's understandably perturbed by this turn of events. Today she told me she's considering a turn to prostitution to pay for the calamity. Not to mention her water bill. She figures she can dress up in her nurse outfit and have plenty of paying customers.

cont'd »

comments (13)

anna

I got a limo ride in the back, I lock the doors in case I'm attacked

by anna at 05:54 PM on January 06, 2006

Angelina Jolie has lips the size of a life preserver. She will never drown. Guys like big lips, which is a huge boon to the collagen mining industry. Most of them can instantly envision hers wrapped around their tools. But they are prominent enough without slathering them with bright red lipstick to accentuate them all the more. Yet she seems to do just that every time she's photographed. I'd hate to have to wash her wine glasses.

cont'd »

comments (10)

chris

found in the dark

by chris at 04:56 AM on January 04, 2006

Mining accidents and submarine accidents turn us all into miners and sailors for a time. Or maybe it's just that tragedy focuses empathy like a laser that burns through us all slowly until we know the fate of people who are suddenly just like us, except they're trapped in a mine or a submarine.

Hope is painful. I was hoping that the 13 miners trapped in Virginia would be found alive, despite the lack of communication, and the deadly carbon monoxide levels found after drilling exploratory rescue holes.

I was working on a cabinet in the basement when a sense relief swept over me as I heard the news on the radio that the 12 miners had been found alive. I came upstairs and turned the TV to CNN to see Anderson Cooper on location outside the mine talking about the story, and seeing people celebrate on the news. Everyone looked so happy.

cont'd »

comments (5)

mg

ticking away the moments that make up a dull day, you fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way

by mg at 08:54 AM on January 03, 2006

What the hell, another year gone by?

I never had cable until my recent move, when the cable company convinced me it’d be cheaper to have both cable TV and Internet, and I couldn’t find a loophole in the system (though I’m sure they must have installed cameras in my apartment and I’m now on some “live from Amsterdam” webcam porn site).

Since I’ve never had cable, when Eviltom made references to I love the 80s I didn’t understand. When he said he wanted to be a commentator on Best Week Ever I really had no idea what he meant. I’d just say “Yeah, uh huh” like I knew what he was talking about so that I wouldn’t look un-cool. Because, you know, Eviltom is so cool. Now that I have cable, and can watch all the VH1 I want, I understand what he was talking about all that time (I’m still waiting for the TV show that’ll explain what he is talking about the rest of the time).

It might be sad to say, but I watch a lot of VH1, probably more even than ET does (but at least I have the excuse that I have a kid and can’t leave the house). I have now probably spent more time watching people talk about how they love the 80s and 90s then I spent participating in the activities we all loved during the actual 80s and 90s.

Is it still nostalgia if you didn’t live through it the first time?

cont'd »

comments (7)