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There's whores in the house
by anna at 06:37 PM on November 02, 2005
I've been perusing job ads, hoping to find a suitable job for my wife. Since we live live in Tijuana North, most of the jobs require applicants to be bilingual. But there is one job that doesn't: "Non-sexual escort."
This raises questions in my mind. First, how does the agency know it's non-sexual? Surely situations arise where the escort takes a liking to the client and does him. Just as surely the money he offers for favors is too good to pass up. Also, if it is non-sexual, why does the ad say STD testing is a must?
It says "only serious applicants need apply." I assume this is code for "no slovenly pigs need apply." Like Hooters Girls, this is one of those gigs where subtle discrimination against the non-attractive must be rampant.
Lastly what would anyone need a non-sexual escort for? Are there really that many rich businessmen or politicians who need to pay eye candy to accompany them to grin and greet affairs?
I have little experience with escorts. When I was younger the equivalent of escort services was massage parlors. Most of my peers lost their virginity ar such establishments, specifically Tiki Tiki Massage. My only encounter with escorts was at Whore Hey's bachelor party. Somebody had engaged the services of two normal, bored-looking suburban chicks so thin they looked like they'd been subsisting on a steady diet of pocket lint. These gals weren't accompanying anyone to a soiree. These were whores, floozies, sluts.
They danced, they stripped and then some heavy petting ensued between the two. Meanwhile Hey's cohorts were snorting cocaine from huge mounds like Tony Montana at the end of Scarface. They then produced these index cards that listed their services and fees. The degree of specificity was astounding. I sat there sipping champagne in the hotel suite as they got down to business.
They'd go into the bathroom and guys would sit on the toilet snorting coke from Ziploc baggies. She'd kneel in front of them and put on a condom, which seemed kind of creepy and sterile considering she'd only blow him for two of the $20 bills they'd been using to snort the coke. Some wanted more and the financial transactions would occur on the fly. How impersonal is that?
They complained bitterly about how the coke was delaying the proceedings, costing them time and money. One guy tried to kiss one of the whores and she acted as if he'd tried to sever her aorta. Evidently that is a major no-no. Or else maybe it was listed as a side dish on the index card menu. I don't know.
They offered Whore Hey a freebie but he declined. I don't know if it was the coke or some misplaced sense of loyalty to Cum Meal, his fiancee and soon to be ex-wife or what.
comments (8)
They have to say that to be legal. Otherwise it's pandering. But you know that you could make any kind of "side deals". Just make sure you don't implicate the company.
Yeah, most whores have this really weird thing about kissing. They'll suck you off and not think twice about it, but try to kiss them and you can give them all kinds of diseases.
So did you give the ad to your wife?
by Long Time Lurker at November 3, 2005 11:06 AM
I called a couple of agencies as dinner time entertainment when I was at college. They're made available for those lonely types that just want a nice meal and a little company with somebody pretending to be interested. I straight out asked what the prices were for sex, blowjobs, and possible threesomes as soon as the woman answered the phone. I got the prices for all but the threesome which was down to the escort to decide whether or not she'd want to do it, after she'd seen who'd be making up the spit, I pressume. Were it not for the three guys with me, giggling like ten year olds down the phone, I could easily have been a vice bobby or something. The prices were mad... which I made clear by saying something like: "Fuckin' 'ell that's well steep!"
S'much cheaper to talk to the women that enjoy no strings sex... and do them. No strings sex is funny, there are always strings, especially if you know the gal well. But you just try to ignore them. When you start getting calls to go to the cinema, or clubbing, or for coffee in town, the strings become tangible. "I don't want to be rude, because I'm hoping we can do the sex thing again, but could you please fuck off!" - I never say. :( "Sure I'm up for it, because I'm wanting to do the sex thing again." - I never say either. :( "Sure, gimme a bell when you wanna go." - I always say. :(
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at November 3, 2005 11:48 AM
I most certainly did not! And i don't think the kissing ban has anything to do with diseases. I think it implies an intimacy that isn't there when you're sitting on a toilet.
by anna at November 4, 2005 7:23 AM
Aye, the kissing thing is reserved for the husbands and boyfriends, isn't it. Uh-huh rrrriiiight. Heh heh.
What would your wife's reaction have been had you given her the ad? I reckon you'd have got the paper, rolled up and ready, over your head a couple of times.
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at November 4, 2005 9:08 AM
Maybe a gentle eye-gouging would have been in order.
by anna at November 5, 2005 8:25 AM
SIDE-DEALS? You better pay your taxes on them things...
by LOCKHEED at November 7, 2005 12:08 PM
Who's gonna tell Uncle sam about the side deals? Not the John. He's gonna say it's for entertainment purposes.
by Long Time Lurker at November 7, 2005 4:26 PM
Expense acct whores!
by anna at November 7, 2005 6:08 PM