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anna

I'm back in black

by anna at 10:31 AM on November 28, 2005

I'm back from a torturous Greyhound bus trip to MG's hood, Jackson Heights NY. It's part of Queen but seems much more like a benighted area of Bogota, Columbia. People there push baby strollers with thick plastic encasing the baby. I don't know why. I ordered pollo and they brought me a bowl of soup with some chicken organs floating amid soft potatos. Twas delicious, I must say.

Everyone in Jackson Heights is Hispanic. They've dispensed with English altogether. As I handed the waitress my MasterCard, I said, "Gracias." But then we took the subway to Manhattan. More specifically, to the MOMA, or Museum of Modern Art. I whispered to my wife, "So this is where New York keeps all its white people." She was not amused.

Some of the art was not so modern. Some of it, in fact, was painted by Claude Monet, who has remained deceased for some time now. I told my son that the greatest sign of affluence would be to have ol' Claude paint your house. Not with Impressionist murals, mind you, but just white. Or maybe eggshell.

Some of the art, of course, was ridiculous. Car parts rescued from junk yards and welded together in a random fashion. Crude hand tools hanging from picture wire, never to attempt a repair again. An empty box that looked like toddlers had set upon it with crayons. A pile of dirt. Though the sign said not to touch it, I could not resist moving one clod to the other side. An artistic statement if you will.

But the most absurd were the monochromatic "paintings." One was a vivid blue, another pitch black, one even white. That is it, a blank canvas probably valued at $20,000. My wife's latest get rich quick scheme.

Claude Monet, where are you? I'm in dire need of your services. My siding is peeling and it was supposed to be a lifetime warranty.

comments (5)

HOW DARE YOU, ANNA....

Come to NYC and not even make a peep to Lockheed?

And you were at the MOMA?
That's just a nice 15 minute stroll across Central Park to my place...

I'm hurt. Half joking, half kinda hurt.

You're joke was funny, about the white people, but if you said,'that's where they keep all the black people' regardless of the setting, I would probably find it funny, but for SOME REASON, it would be so evil. OOOHHHH call fucking Al sharpton... oooohhh

by LOCKHEED at November 29, 2005 1:26 AM


I don't have your phone #. But I do have MG's. Thought of calling, didn't find time.

You're right about the black/white thing. But I think Jesse Jackson is much more harmful that Sharpton. Sharpton is kinda funny in a way.

by anna at November 29, 2005 7:31 AM


LOSE my PLOW, LOSE MY LAND...

.....owwwaayyyyyyyyyy hayyyyy I won't have to work no more....

by LOCKHEED at December 1, 2005 8:20 PM


Umm... the script font at the top of the page is really hard to read.

Your wife was not amused by your comment because it made/makes no sense; Manhattan is as homogeneous as China is heterogenous.

Claude Monet spent the first 18 hours of his burial scratching at the lid of his coffin, but has been dead ever since.

I worked as a doorman across the street from the MoMa (54th Street) when it was being overhauled. All the exhibits were relocated to Queens; I know this because I relayed this information to people on a semi-hourly basis every day for 10 months until I was laid off on the grounds I refused to join a union. I hope the museum was worth the wait, and that you're serious about having shifted a pile of some jagoff's dirt, because that's awesome. I recommend Tom Wolfe's The Painted Word, an hilarious look at the modern art movement (including pretentious gasbags who slather a huge canvas with one color).

One of my cousins actually poked a hole in that douchenozzle Christo's Southern California wrap endeavor. My aunt was trying to get him and his brother to stand still (for 5 seconds) to take a picture, and my cousin was surreptitiously digging away at the screen/sheet/whateverthefuckitwas behind him. This is the same kid who made a conscious effort to break the Hands Across America... so there you go.

Chances are I'll never be loaded enough to post here ever again, but I met Lockheed for drinks after work and he mentioned [M]anna, so I decided to see what's what. It's good to see that [M]anna's vaguyna is intact.

by douchenation at December 3, 2005 2:28 AM


Douche you the man. There's also a set of plastic trash cans. The artiste doesn't care how they're arranged. Speaks volumes.

by anna at December 3, 2005 10:02 AM