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anna

Anyone will play the part

by anna at 06:20 PM on October 12, 2005

Ah, Man---the species with forcible dominion over all others. Unlike a hyena devouring a gnu, he eats his rivals daintily with a knife and fork---except in his declining years, when he sustains himself through a feeding tube. He’s evolved so far that he feels a need to handicap himself. His favorite sport involves no use of his most versatile of appendages. He’s marshaled the immense power within the atom for the benefit---or destruction---of all. No longer content to listen as a handmaiden idly plucks the strings of a harp or lyre, he’s amplified the rhythms over which angry young men snarl about their bitch-slapping prowess. He’ll fart in your face while you’re giving him head. He invented such absurdities as competitive eating and monster truck pulls. He brought you Girls Gone Wild.

Nor is Woman (or as feminists call her, Womyn) any more sophisticated. As man conducts his global business she is squatting between his thighs on the Oval Office carpet. To attract a better class of scoundrel she’ll implant C-cups that may or may not leak poison into her body. To satisfy porn directors’ perversion she’s learned to lodge two large penises in her rectum at once. She’ll seduce billionaires on their deathbeds. When she’s not parading down the catwalk in skimpy negligees she’ll shroud her ample artificial cleavage in a burqa. She accessorizes with frou-frou lap dogs. She invented such absurdities as eating disorders. She is in Girls Gone Wild. She is woman, hear her roar.


comments (33)

Heh heh. Classic. I'm baffled by what's going on around me, people confuddle me. For reasons beyond my reckoning I spent the better part of an hour going through crimes and punishments for sexual offences. 14 years hard time for having non-consensual sex with a mentally retarded individual. When is sex with retards consensual? When you offer a lollypop for the hand job? The fact that half of these punishments had to be devised minces my mind.

I feel a whole lot better about the human race though, when people look at me on a night out wearing the expression: "WTF?" Forces me to remember that I've done and would do again some pretty nasty stuff.

Now, where did that mental chick wander off to?

by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at October 14, 2005 11:51 AM


Crim, why does that happen? Do they not like your clothes or something?

Someone in my program's from England. He went to a concert just after he got here for school, and almost fought with some skinheads. It sounded like he could've taken them on. You British guys are tough.

by Jean at October 15, 2005 11:26 AM


No, lol, it's not the kind of thing I get EVERYTIME I go out... just when doing something that warrants the WTF expression. Like pissing on a friends shoes, if he's flaked out on the walk between pubs, hours before the night is due to finish. I figure if he's going home anyway, he can have some incentive to stay on his feet for next time.

Getting fingers wet in populated areas of nightclubs, dancing on a stage in a quiet village pub on a rainy afternoon with mates, all failing to capture the essence of Napoleon Dynamite. Spraying beer in all directions with half a dozen others when some dickhead comes rooting for a fight with one of us. I don't know who devised that response but its cost me some shirts. S'a good reminder to the would be UFC champ that the fella he's messing with is surrounded by friends. Get thrown out for that though, better for that than for fighting, I guess.

Brits aren't tough, we just try to save face by not backing down. We'll have a go regardless of the size, weight, and obvious neck breaking abilities of the enemy. Gotta try, right?

by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at October 16, 2005 7:24 PM


That's why we like you brits. Never one to back down from a fight no matter what the odds. Thanks for that.

by Long Time Lurker at October 16, 2005 8:20 PM


I think that Brits, like American blacks, enjoy a reputation as tough, fight-seasoned brawlers. But it may be just like the way that accent makes everything they sound all clever.

Non- consensual sex with retards? What about dead people? What's the harm in that?

by anna at October 17, 2005 9:17 AM


In the recent comments are some entries from something called "Microsoft Rape Stories." I'm afraid to look.

by anna at October 17, 2005 9:19 AM


Don't worry anna. It's only stories of how Microsoft likes it's customers. Bent over and greased up.

by Long Time Lurker at October 17, 2005 10:55 AM


There's also "horse fucking." We had a spate of that here recently. I wondered why they didn't worry about getting kicked or worse. And how do you know when your horse has been raped?

by anna at October 17, 2005 11:05 AM


Duh, when the police arrive at your door and say that your horse called them to report a rape... that's when you know.

by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at October 17, 2005 2:40 PM


:P

It's a mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad world......


*Sigh* In these troubling times, I find it comforting to know that, "It's happened before, and it gonna happen again"


I'm gonna miss this world, but not its inhabitants. C U L8R.

-1138

by Clonerejec1138 at October 17, 2005 4:23 PM


WTF is this, a suicide note?

by anna at October 18, 2005 7:32 AM


Looks like it. I wonder if it's some gal I know, and have lied to... spotted me by my email addy, and she's just now realised that I'm not the virgin bachelor of Kilkenny sporting a small fortune and looking for love and a long happy life with the woman who pops my cherry? I think I've used that one.

No, can't be, the internet is too vast a space for that kind of thing. Isn't it?

If not... hey, drop me a mail, I can explain... :)

If you're male... bah, I reckon you should just do it. Heh.

by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at October 18, 2005 9:12 AM


... top yourself, that is. Not drop me a mail.

by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at October 18, 2005 9:13 AM


T'aint a suicide note! And I'm male.


Every day the world I knew slowly degrade behind me, and what have I to do but to move on into the sludge that replaced my old home. I mourn for our decendents(should we have any)

by Clonereject1138 at October 18, 2005 10:11 AM


What ARE you talking about? "Slowly degrade behind me?" Are you French? I'll lay bets that you're an acne covered fourteen year old yet to feel the sting of a real world slapping. Eee, just top yourself already. ;)

by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at October 18, 2005 3:00 PM


Oh I see. That's not bad. My friends and I used to go out a lot, and it seems like the trouble you get in builds character. Peeing on your friends' shoes is pretty evil, but nice to laugh about afterwards.

by Jean at October 18, 2005 3:08 PM


I'm not fourteen, I do not suffer from acne, and I have not been slapped(oddly).
Hm.......

Watching the news is depressing. But enhaertening(sp?) aswell. "I've got it better than my kids will!"

Take joy, comrades, and breath the air while you can.

by Clonereject1138 at October 18, 2005 3:14 PM


Wait a minute. Are you a Katrina victim? If so I will send more money. And stop watching the damn news.

by anna at October 18, 2005 6:02 PM


I'm a Katrina Victim!! And A Wilma victim in training. Can I have some money now?

by Long Time Lurker at October 18, 2005 9:40 PM


I couldn't get too worked up over a 'cane named after a Flintstone.

by anna at October 19, 2005 7:35 AM


Anyone know the story behind naming tornadoes after women? I imagine American women named Katrina start introducing themselves as Kat... or... Reen, for fear of somebody breaking down in tears before them when the memory of their home and family being whisked away on the Wicked Witch express comes back to haunt them.

by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at October 19, 2005 8:22 AM


Hurricanes, rather.

by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at October 19, 2005 8:23 AM


I am far too clever to be caught with the like of those fools, and as you say,"suffer" from Katrina. I am poor in the finachial sense but have far more riches than Bill Gates.


If we live in the age of "enlightenment" then why do we leave the supposed saftey of our homes in fear? Why can our children no longer run down to the store to pick up a loaf of bread, or a gallon of milk? Why can we no longer trust those around us, even our "best friends"? Why is it our personal infromation, that which is mine, and mine alone, can be used against me? Why is that the faithless are threathed by the faithful? Why is our sworn protectors are often our oppresors? Why is it that men no longer know the meaning of "a hard days work" or an "honest day wages"? Why is it, when walking down a small town street, it still feels like you walking through Vegas, passing all the prostitutes? Why does our society continually uproot all that is good, and fortify that which is wicked? Why is it that violent crimes are down, but rapes are up? Why is it we can be lovers yet not in love? How is it we can have children, yet not be parents?
How is it, that each and every day, we continue to walk, yet on the inside we rot?

by Clonereject1138 at October 19, 2005 10:02 AM


How is it that some contries go without food for weeks, yet others have so much, they can develope eathing disorders? How is it, some sllep i high towers, and are fiiled with covetous thoughts, yet others sleep on the cold earth, and are without want? How is it, some women stuggle to give birth, yet others kill the child so they dont have to?

by Clonereject1138 at October 19, 2005 10:05 AM


How is it that some contries go without food for weeks, yet others have so much, they can develope eathing disorders? How is it, some sllep i high towers, and are fiiled with covetous thoughts, yet others sleep on the cold earth, and are without want? How is it, some women stuggle to give birth, yet others kill the child so they dont have to? How is it a blind man can see, though a healthy man cannot see past his nose, and his own desires? How is it a prisoner has freedom, yet a pedestrian is chained by his immorality?

by Clonereject1138 at October 19, 2005 10:07 AM


How is it that some contries go without food for weeks, yet others have so much, they can develope eathing disorders? How is it, some sllep i high towers, and are fiiled with covetous thoughts, yet others sleep on the cold earth, and are without want? How is it, some women stuggle to give birth, yet others kill the child so they dont have to? How is it a blind man can see, though a healthy man cannot see past his nose, and his own desires? How is it a prisoner has freedom, yet a pedestrian is chained by his immorality? How is it an educated man has less knowledge than a grandfather with a third grade education? How is it, that the worlds lessons are repeated indefinately, yet man refuses to take notice?

How is it, that this world was intrusted to mankind, yet so often mankind is its destroyer?

by Clonereject1138 at October 19, 2005 10:12 AM


"Next week the sermon will cover spelling, and the joys of grammar... please leave a donation in the tray. God be with you."

The guy/gal that told you this was the Age of Enlightenment... was a few inches tall sporting wings and a lil wand, dancing at the foot of your bed and offering you three wishes... right?

by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at October 19, 2005 11:12 AM


Actually, he was wearing orange, waiting in the airport, and gave me flowers.

by Clonereject1138 at October 19, 2005 11:31 AM


I'll bet my iPod that he untied those flowers from a battered railing on a motorway, and removed the card which read, "Tommy, why'd you have to go so fast? Love you, Mom."

by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at October 19, 2005 12:36 PM


I dunno know, I think he makes a good point. And you get to see the editing.

#30!!!

by anna at October 20, 2005 7:34 AM


It's then end of the world as we know it. And I feel fine.

Amen and pass the donation tray. Not for me to contibute, I need a loan.

by Long Time Lurker at October 20, 2005 7:17 PM


It's the end of the world as we know it. And I feel fine.

Amen and pass the donation tray. Not for me to contibute, I need a loan.

by Long Time Lurker at October 20, 2005 7:18 PM


I love that Cracker song where people are haranguing him about whether he's sold his soul and he goes, "I dunno, loan me a quarter won't you, I'll call my accountant."

by anna at October 21, 2005 7:47 AM