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If you're not part of the future then get out of the way
by anna at 06:47 PM on September 12, 2005
Mr. Language Person is peeved about the misnomers masquerading as euphemisms encroaching on our lexicon. Here are some terms he finds particularly vexing.
Premature ejaculation: For the person allegedly suffering from it, no ejaculation is premature. It always feels great, even after just one stroke. Not that I'd know.
Emo, psychobilly, alt-country, post-grunge punk and so on: This hair-splitting insistence on specific genres of pop music is infuriating. As Bill Joel put it, it's all rock n roll to me.
Religion: Here the opposite is the problem. The term is bandied about too loosely, to include such shams as scientology and kabbalah. The only religions are Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism and Buddhism.
Pro-life: Besides suicide bombers, who isn't in favor of life? This is just a rhetorical spin designed to cast abortion opponents in a most favorable light.
Reproductive rights: This is akin to pro-life. When liberals speak of reproductive rights they really mean the right not to reproduce even when you're pregnant.
Terrorists: Believe it or not Reuters actually has a policy not to call anyone a terrorist. It is too judgmental a term. A terrorist is a person, usually a radical Muslim, who seeks to instill fear in his fellow man with senseless, random violence. And it's not a "war on terror," because you can't wage war with an emotion.
Pre-owned: Cars are not baseball mitts that are better when they're broken in. There is no advantage to having some stranger previously smoke, fart and masturbate in your car.
Sleeping with: If I came home and told my wife that I went out to my car and took a nap with a female coworker, she'd just think I was being strange. It's not the extramarital sleeping spouses are concerned with, it's the fucking and sucking.
Relationship experts/"sexperts": What qualifies anyone for this?
Eating disorders, mentally challenged amd attention deficit disorder: The problem with people who have eating disorders is that they don't eat. They subsist on a steady diet of nothing. It has nothing to do with eating. What was wrong with the adjective "retarded" or the noun "retard?" All it means is slow, and retards' development is indeed slow. Boys with ADD are just that, boys. They have short attention spans. Their minds tend to wander. There's a cure for this, it's called growing up.
And that's what we all need to do when it comes to our lingo.
comments (12)
Although you have some good (and funny) points, you've mixed in a few buzzwords that are certain to get a few folks riled up. Like me. I guess "riled up" isn't the right term under which I say that there's a big difference between emo and alt-country, but it's true. It really isn't just all rock 'n' roll.
And I believe you meant to say "Pro-Choice" when you said reproductive rights. Reproductive rights include access to birth control and information about the different forms. That bill they tried to pass a few years back in Wisconsin where pharmacists could deny dispensing a drug (such as birth control pills) to someone if it was against their moral beliefs-- yeah, that was an attempted direct hit on reproductive rights, amongst other rights.
I disagree with you about the benefits of pre-owned cars -- although I don't really want to think about some guy jerking off in my car prior to my ownership of the car, I'm all for the much more affordable price of the car. :)
by Leaffin at September 12, 2005 10:20 PM
The point you make about opposition to contraception AND abortion, propagated by conservative scolds and the catholic church, is indeed absurd. What do they want people to do, jerk off in their cars and then sell them to unsuspecting buyers?
by anna at September 13, 2005 7:54 AM
I forgot to mention that pro-reproductive-righters are strong believers of darwinism... if a tough little spermy gets through all those barriers (condom, diaphragm, pesky birth control chemicals), it deserves to create a baby. Although then the pro-choice part of the equation could come into play, and well, that little embryo just might not be given a chance, although it's 50/50. But if it STILL makes it past that obstacle, I'd say that it's made it to the top of the survival of the fittest pedestal.
by leaffin at September 13, 2005 9:01 AM
interesting set of corrections you got there.
by Ariah Fine at September 13, 2005 12:13 PM
There is a huge adantage to having some stranger user you care - because the second they roll off the lot with it they knock thousands of dollars off the price. We can't all be heirs to small fortunes.
And, about ADD - it reminded me of something I heard a while back that I thought was brilliant. In the working world there are all kinds of jobs - I work in an office, Leaffin wants to travel the world, Chris does science stuff, Blank designs, and Chuck does law. Even within a single profession say, doctor, you can go be a general practiioner, you can do research, you can work in an inner city ER, or do plastic surgery for the rich and famous, etc. You can work part time to stay home with your kid. You can work tons of overtime. You can work overnight because you like to go to the movie theater in the day when no one else is around.
In the real world you have thousands of options.
But in school everyone has to be exactly the same. You start and end the same time as everyone else. You eat lunch the same time as everyone else. You do math the same time as everyone else. In kindergarten you even take naps and go to the bathroom at the same time (well, hopefully not nap and bathroom at the same time).
No wonder some kids can't sit still. It just isn't in some of their natures - self included. Even now, i have to get up and take walks 4-5 times a day otherwise I'd go nuts.
by mg at September 13, 2005 3:15 PM
I like that, mg. Good points.
by Leaffin at September 13, 2005 4:54 PM
I didn't mean Leaffin's point was absurd, her point rocked. I meant that the scolds' position is absurd. Hadn't had my allotted coffee fix.
Today I saw another use of words that blew my mind. A creepily Orwellian bumper sticker read, "Guns Save Lives."
And MG is right, there is way too much uniformity in school. In some schools they even make them wear uniforms. They should let them run wild, like Lord of the Flies. That way they can learn about Darwinian theory first-hand.
by anna at September 13, 2005 6:25 PM
The term Pre-owned is a misuse of english word conjuring. Pre means before. So pre-owned, mean before owned, which means no one has owned it before.
by fcsuper at September 13, 2005 6:44 PM
What was wrong with the perfectly serviceable "used?" Might it connote some sorority bimbo who takes on the entire offensive line?
What is the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball?
by anna at September 14, 2005 7:46 AM
About a hundred pounds, give or take.
by leaffin at September 14, 2005 10:28 AM
One is tattooed with the word "Brunswick" the other with a dolphin.
by mg at September 14, 2005 10:52 AM
No I think it has something to do with the finger-holes. You know, how you can pick up a six-pack with two fingers?
by anna at September 15, 2005 7:36 AM