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I don't believe it's all for nothing, it's not just written in the sand
by anna at 06:36 PM on September 15, 2005
This title comes from Robbie Robertson's self-titled album, five years in the making. I highly recommend it. Buy it sound-unheard. Guarantee it won't disappoint.
Anyway, I logged on to jaw about something or other. Ah yes, phases of life. When you're young there is such a sense of immediacy. Life is vivid, visceral and in the now. Many of the things you see, places you visit are for the first time in your life. Who doesn't remember the details of their first sexual experience, (assuming no roofies were involved?)
You know the concept of micro vs. macro-management? Well, I think that when you're younger, you are micro-living. Each experience looms large. A high school breakup seems like the end of the world. A pop quiz devastates your psyche. You worry yourself sick about the SATs and what school might accept you. A song on the radio enchants you. In the long run it all amounts to nothing, but you don't know that at the time.
I am now 46, middle-aged I guess. I'm at that stage where you're macro-living. I take my pleasure in different, longer-term things. For instance, early fall is my favorite time of year. My beloved Redskins get trounced every week. I watch every minute as bile erodes my esophagus. Soccer season is on. I watch my son's team and play on my own. But most of all I love the opportunity to turn off the AC for a few precious weeks before it turns deathly cold and we must go to the heat. The windows are all open, fresh air abounds. And we get a brief reprieve from the oppressive utility costs of heating or cooling this monster.
I enjoy getting statements from my investments. I can't grasp a word of it and it leaves me baffled every time. But I am proud that I ever even got organized enough to have a portfolio of sorts. And while I hope it is doing well, I don't think all those numbers in parenthesis bode too well.
I love obtaining gadgets. Yestderday I won a corkscrew in a drawing, the first time I've ever won anything. It's not just any corkscrew, it is a Wine System. The corkscrew is newfangled looking and I think it will survive a nuclear war. There is a stopper (as if I'd ever need that,) a "foil cutter" and some kind of pouring thingee. It's all packed in felt like a fancy gun.
Too bad the wine we buy comes in boxes.
One phase isn't necessarily better than the other. Each has its up and downside. But what I really fear is old age. I can't imagine boring people to tears with the vagaries of my myriad medical problems. I can't fathom the idea of being dependant on someone else. Most of all I don't even want to think about ever reminiscing. Nostalgia sucks. The past is for those with no viable present. So is the future.
I kind of feel like it is a prudent move to smoke and drink to excess your entire life. It might be good to shoot up, smoke crack and have unprotected sex with homosexuals too. Sure you shave several years off your life. But it is end-time years and those are years I'd just as soon dispense with. Optimally you kick the bucket the day before your exasperated kids plan to send you to a nursing home. And you definitely want your last check to bounce.
comments (14)
Hell Yeah!!!
That's what I tell people that tell me I'm shaving years off my life.
So smoke em if you got em and don't worry about the future.
And parenthesis are never good on investment statements.
by Long Time Lurker at September 15, 2005 8:29 PM
There isn't a whole lot of difference between those 34 persons found drowned in St Rita's nursing home and those found in many lower-rent old folks homes. Conditions are often deplorable and what's more, I've never heard of a St. Rita. What's she the patron saint of?
by anna at September 16, 2005 7:36 AM
There are saints for everything. Thanks Anna for the reminder not to worry about little stuff, because the move I just did has definitely got me worrying about too much little stuff. I'm barely registering the fact of being on a beautiful school campus in a new city. Ugh.
by jean at September 17, 2005 11:49 AM
St. Rita is the patron saint of lovely meter maids.
by mg at September 17, 2005 4:45 PM
Good post, Anna. I think that I've recently started to shift from the micro- to macro-world. I still worry about little stuff sometimes, but since leaving college, I really don't really freak out if something doesn't go exactly the way I want it to. Maybe I have too much blind faith in my ability to walk into something that will work out for me, but I'm definitely a strong believer in, "if it doesn't happen, it isn't meant to be." I didn't get a Fulbright scholarship to Germany, so I planned my trip to Latin America, where I probably learned more anyway.
by leaffin at September 17, 2005 6:39 PM
Oh yeah, I've got a date tonight... and although I'm slightly nervous, if it doesn't work out, it just doesn't. I'm (hopefully) leaving in a month or so for the tour leader gig, though; I guess I'm just trying to enjoy life until I leave again.
by Leaffin at September 17, 2005 6:42 PM
I think that part of the song where Paul McCartney shouts "Rita" and then there's the sudden piano break is one the best hooks ever.
Thanks Leaf and Jean, you clearly got what I was trying to say in my own muddled way.
Incidentally, I thought of editing out the comment about having unprotected sex with homosexuals. Perhaps something better woulda been "with random people you meet at the grocery store."
Hope the date goes well. Details, details!
by anna at September 19, 2005 8:52 AM
Date was good, I'm thinking a second date will follow.
by leaffin at September 19, 2005 1:36 PM
Good or GOOD!?
by anna at September 20, 2005 7:39 AM
Now you're prying.
by leaffin at September 20, 2005 9:14 AM
You should see me pry when I really get going. Inquiring minds want to know.
by anna at September 20, 2005 7:14 PM
All we want to know is what base did he get to?
by Long Time Lurker at September 21, 2005 9:01 PM
Yeah, and if was third how do you tactfully end the encounter?
by anna at September 22, 2005 7:49 AM
i like masterbating in fron of girls, and like eating there kittys. Any girls from michigan, or just wanna chat dirty?
by Keith at September 15, 2006 5:52 AM