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Man I still think those cats are great
by anna at 01:07 PM on July 31, 2005
Charles Krauthammer is smart. He's always on talk shows spouting his opinions. He also writes a column in the Washington Post. His last espoused racial profiling when it comes to frisking subway riders. He thinks we should target Muslims, particularly South Asian or Arabs. He doesn't say exactly how you can distinguish these folks from say, Sikhs.
He also says we should exempt women from searches. Now there are 500,000,000 Muslim women. And as the Israelis know all too well, they aren't above a suicide bomb or two. Particularly if they've been scorned by polite society because they got raped by their father-in-law. Hey, it beats stoning. And don't be surprised if she shows up in a tasteful miniskirt and blouse ensemble either. So long as you're already violating every tenet of your faith, what's flashing a little thigh? Maybe pick up a BLT at the snack bar too.
But we do need guidelines to streamline the process. We could target:
People sporting patriotic t-shirts. All wrapped up in yourself in your red white and blue...
Hunchbacks: For obvious reasons.
Men wearing an overabundance of cologne: They could be trying to cover up the stench of fear.
People wearing sunglasses on overcast days: Eyes are the window to the soul. If you're getting ready to commit mass murder, it will show in your peepers.
Big Heads: Mohammed Atta had a noggin the size of jack-o-lantern.
Flat-chested chicks: If you know you're going to die soon, why bother investing in implants?
Military uniforms: The perfect disguise!
Men (or women) with moustaches, goatees and especially soul patches: These smack of insincerity and perhaps far worse.
People who hum or push baby strollers: They may not be bent on mayhem but let's harass them just for spite. They are annoyingly smug, after all.
Women with that absurb amount of makeup on, as seen in cosmetic ads: Maybe they want to leave a sharp-looking corpse.
Poor people toting ornamental lap dogs around: These are strictly for the trendy noveau riche.
Men who arrive together on a motorcycle: How often do you see that? Practically never!
Colbert King countered Krauthammer by trotting out Tim McVeigh (cooked) Eric Rudolph (soon to be) and Chechyans. The latter hail from the Caususus. It doesn't get any whiter than that.
Ah, the utter futility of it all. Why can't Westerners be more like those terror-savvy Israelis? Accept that you must abide the miniscule chance that you personally will fall victim to suicide bombs and go about your business.
comments (6)
There is "absorb," as you do with a sponge. There is "absurd," which means preposterous. There is no "absurb." We need spell check, dammit!
by anna at August 1, 2005 7:46 AM
I entered a zone on Saturday night when I walked into the Heaven and Hell club. A gal guilty of the small breasted-ness and the uber make-up triggered it. I walked in with three of my mates, and then |-zone-| White Stripes' Blue Orchid was just getting started in the background, and I stood on the spot for almost the entire song, in this zone, just looking at this gorgeous gal. When my mate brought me a beer and grabbed my arm to drag me off to the Heaven section - where hearing White Stripes doesn't happen, but hearing the garbled random noises of dance music is constant - he shook me out of it.
I saw the same gal later on, not by chance, I spent a good twenty minutes looking for her, and it turned out she wasn't at all pretty close up. Name of Chloe, which is, uh, pleasant. But still, first time that's happened to me. Was a nice little zone to be in, when it happened. Maybe next time I'll actually like the woman causing it when I get close up, and hopefully she won't have dynamite strapped around her waist. That'd negate my poor chap lines: "So..." *death*
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at August 2, 2005 2:42 PM
Was there a soul patch under all that makeup?
by anna at August 2, 2005 7:23 PM
I love it! This is very funny. But Anna... you have a moustache, so what does that mean?
by jean at August 3, 2005 3:09 AM
It is true that moustaches smack of dishonesty. I'm always being wrongly accused of stuff I didn't do. And somehow I feel just as guilty. Thanks fo the props.
by anna at August 3, 2005 7:41 AM
IDON DEY HEREOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
by MUGU at August 11, 2005 5:52 AM