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It's just a long strand of land jutting out into the sea
by anna at 07:20 PM on July 02, 2005
That really is all North Carolina's famed Outer Banks is. And yet, people flock to it and always come back with one of those OBX stickers on their cars. I just spent an enjoyable week there for the second year in a row. Both times I've just been lucky enough to be invited to stay down there for free. Now I am hooked. My problem being that I am an asshole cased in a cheerful, reasonable veneer. Stay with me for a week and the asshole is sure to bleed through. So it is very likely no one willl invite me next year, and then I'd be pissed. OBX is in my blood now.
Although it takes a couple days to unwind and get into true Vay-kay mode, once you have it is like you're a totally different person. No worries, no goals, just aimless hedonism day after day. I start walking slower and wearing shades at all times. I stop shaving and donning clean chothes every day. There is a different rhythm to the days and nights.
The problem is that you're really talking about 8 days less two travel days less the two unwinding days and then there at the end odious thoughts of work, bills and responsible life start creeping in. So really your whole Vay-kay amounts to 3 days of mindless pleasure and it is liable to rain on one of those.
The other problem is the bane of everyone's existence: Miniature Golf. Like erecting above ground swimming pools nobody swims in, every parent had found themselves doing this ridiculous activity. It costs $5 a player and they tell you that you can play all you want. Which is a little like someone telling you that you can have an icepick rammed into your forehead as much as you like. The miniature putting areas always have some corny motif and it is next to impossible to hit the ball into the hole. You're issued this scoring card and a pencil, but every hole you have to fish it out of your pocket and count the strokes it takes until each player picks up their ball and throws it in the hole in frustration.
So on the trek home we started compiling a list of things the world could be rid of forever and there is no harm done. Kereoke sprung to mind, as did ticks, mosquitoes, celebrities, picnics and something called an Emeril. This is where one ejaculates into one's hand and then hurls it in someone else's face and yells, "Bam" a la the TV chef. My son and I agree that if this misfortune were ever to befall you, that you might as well end it all now. Nothing good is ever going to occur in your life after such a dehumanizing event.
What else could we do without?
comments (19)
The Emeril is the most twisted sexual practice I've heard of for a while. I've got to tell my friends. Did you know that older women love Emeril Lagasse? When he appeared at the UCLA Book Festival, the pavilion was packed with screaming women. They would be horrified if they knew about The Emeril.
You're right about "true" vacation time in vacations. When I went to Europe I only had enough money to stay a week. I lost two days traveling, and it took me two days to unwind. I had three good days in Italy, but it really did rain one of those days. Plus Gypsies stole my wallet. Sometimes I look back and I wonder how I had so many experiences in basically five days time. It's all a blur.
I took a two week trip to Hong Kong once, and that was enough time to really get into the groove. I felt like I was starting to get into the rhythm of things there, and not just being a passer-through.
Has anyone here ever backpacked through Europe? If so, what was it like?
by jean at July 3, 2005 2:53 AM
My sister is doing the 2 week thing as we speak. But I had to clear out to make room for my other sister and some human dynamo known as Denise the Mighty and Revered. One of those vacation agenda people who deep-sea fishes and organizes Mini Golf outings.
How do you know it was Gypsies who ripped you off? I thought Hitler killed most of them. It strikes me that they are the Kurds of Europe.
As for the Emeril I am emotionally scarred just knowing about it. Heinous.
by anna at July 3, 2005 9:05 AM
I saw this romance movie with Kevin Costner and some blond lady that took place on the sea and land of the outerbanks... paul newman was in it too...
...there only half of the war.... you carry your side pretty well too... says paul newman...
somekind of fishing town story with nice cinematography...
by lockheed at July 3, 2005 7:54 PM
The secret to Hollywood's lone longstanding marriage: Paul Newman giving an Emeril to Joanne Woodward. Then again, he stole her from her 1st hubby, like Jerry Seinfeld spiriting away his current wife from her moneymoon suite with some regular schlub.
by anna at July 4, 2005 8:20 AM
The secret is to just live and then die...
by lockheed at July 5, 2005 5:58 PM
Heaven does hold a place for those who pray....
you fucking liberal anti-government, anti-religious... fuckforbrains...
you'll never find home you jackasses....
you're dogs that will keep chasing your tails until the one day comes and YOU SLIP ON YOUR OWN SHIT....
by lockheed at July 5, 2005 6:30 PM
Holidays suck immense wind when there's a planner in tow. Grrraaarrrghh I hate people who plan. I'm all for the fuck ups that fly by the seats of their pants. Book your flight, find out what time it leaves, throw your gear into a suitcase and get there before the plane takes off. You need a single day, tops, to get your shit together.
What's the hassle? Arrive at destination "Why am I here?", and then chill the fuck out. Folding clothes neatly in the strange smelling drawers of whatever shit hole you've booked is for arsehole pricks who think the locals give a shit that the tourists walk around in pressed clothes. Go creased, don't unpack, find a nice spot and chill.
Mini golf and karaoke were designed by crazy people, you can do that shit anywhere. You're better off spending your $5 on a local minigolf course and using what you saved to buy a years supply of toilet paper. I can't stand people who book their place and plan their activities around the hotel entertainment. Perhaps it ain't so bad when you're in a different state in the good ol' USA, can't say there's any difference from being at home here, driving to a different county, and chilling out there. We all speak English and the pubs sell the same fluid. S'barely even a holiday. Just the same crap in a different locale. Seeing the heritage sites here is a day trip, it should be by law. Ancient standing stones in a tranquil environment, nice, a couple of hours later, s'a bunch of stones on a windy day, let's go home!
But abroad... bah, lazing by the hotel pool and laughing at people from your own country singing on a foreign karaoke machine is ludicrous. You're in a different country! Go for a frickin' walk and see where it takes you. You might just, shockingly, see something you've never seen before, learn something, experience something. Mini-golf... shiiit.
I'm currently lying here in bed waiting for the news to replay the French reaction to losing the Olympic bid to London, I swear it is pure entertainment. Seen it about twelve times today, and I'm still not bored. T'will be the last thing I see before I fall asleep, heh. With a grin on my face.
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at July 6, 2005 8:39 PM
Anna, I knew because I got robbed in a square where Gypsies hang out. I'd heard from several places that they will sit on the pavement and beg, but they actually make money by robbing people when they can. The day I was robbed, I was sick with a fever and not paying enough attention to my bag. It makes a good story, though.
Crim, I agree that you should never hang around your hotel while on vacation. I'll make an exception if I'm still in Southern California, but that's it! I probably do plan my vacations more than you would plan yours, but I stay flexible. I like to get an idea of the best things to see and do, and take it as it comes once I'm there.
by jean at July 7, 2005 5:32 AM
I actually saw a running list of things we needed to buy at the local Food Lion, a regional chain. Where I spent 1/2 y vacation it seems. On the way home I heard about a locally owned market in the same town. Wished I'd shopped there instead.
Loved that French reaction too. Maybe Jack Shack should keep his mouth shut about other countries' chow.
by anna at July 7, 2005 7:39 AM
Bugger. Go to sleep with a grin on my face, and wake up to some shoddy bombs going off on buses. lol... ee, wtf is with that? Probably caught Joe Q Nobody in the blast, Jane and Janet Doe... maybe even a run down doley. S'the point? Live 8 and the winning Olympic bid is still fresh in my mind, I ain't letting this crap put me on a downer. It was Jackie and his overly large mouth that did down the Paris bid eh? Heh heh. I like to think the London bid team did a better job than the French though, that video by the amateur from Bradford put a lump in my throat, and I'm not usually one for the lump thing. Spielberg's promo for the New York bid was more like an artsy promotion of New York, not the games, and the French bid video made it out as though the French were already hosts.
What Jean said about the vacation being a blur, that's the best thing in my mind. You find yourself in the middle of a conversation suddenly remembering an experience you had abroad that amounts to a great story. Not many people can say they've been robbed by the trash of Italian society... heh.
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at July 7, 2005 11:48 AM
Dude i take it you ok? you in london?
by anna at July 7, 2005 7:40 PM
I'm fine, and no I'm currently 300 miles away from London. Radio woke me with bad news is all, and I was lying in bed listening to it, immediately picturing some British kids somewhere in London, running to a nearby Mosque to hide for the duration of the investigation. Was my first thought. Yesterday I was thinking about the UK presidency of the EU, had a good feeling about the G8 summit and the build up to it with Live 8, not to mention Bush's cycling antics, and then winning the Olympic bid. Things were going great for Britain for a while there.
Breaks the heart to think that some young guy or gal probably listening to their iPod on the way to work, looking and feeling tired, maybe thinking about how well things are going with the partner that they left sleeping in bed, and about what to do this coming weekend...
Boom.
That's about it though from me, reaction wise, two minutes of reflection while typing on a blog on t'internet. Mad world.
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at July 7, 2005 10:56 PM
The bombing was heartbreaking. I was very sad to see it on the news. I'm glad that you weren't anywhere near.
I see what you mean about vacations. I guess it is good to put your life in a blur every once in a while. It shakes things up. The stories that vacations create are definitely priceless. I've definitely gotten some mileage out of the Gypsy incident over the years.
by jean at July 8, 2005 3:39 AM
I think I once posted about thev Sailboat Incident in which I met a girl and tried to impress her with my sailing skills. Which I have in spades so long as the wind is behind you. But there's this little thing called tacking. You aren't getting laid when the Coast Guard has to tow you into shore. Fuhgetaboutit.
by anna at July 8, 2005 7:31 AM
Unless it's by the Coast Guard boys
by Long Time Lurker at July 9, 2005 2:00 PM
Eek!
by anna at July 10, 2005 9:57 AM
Good service
by FRANK JOHNSON at July 19, 2005 12:25 AM
WTF is that supposed to mean? Sounds like something you say during a tennis match or after getting head.
by anna at July 19, 2005 7:43 AM
Don't forget to wipe.....
by Long Time Lurker at July 19, 2005 9:10 PM