It goes with the sound of salesmen

by anna at 08:02 PM on May 31, 2005

As with rX ads in general, most of us have made an uneasy peace with those for men who have trouble getting it up and for rubbers. We've gotten used to hucksters ernestly discussing what were once intensely personal matters.

Isn't it odd how most of the post-Bob Dole dicker hardener hucksters are young, hot (but not too hot) chicks? After all, it's a product for dudes who are mostly old coots. It's available only by prescription so it isn't like with condoms where maybe chicks buy them for their dudes to use on them. Yup, it's totally normal to be in your sexual prime with a dick limper than a Korean noodle. But just pop a few of these and a hottie will be cooing about your prowess. "Oh, baby, your dick gets hard when I stroke it! F-ing amazing!"

Uh, do they really need to point out that a 4 hour boner is cause for alarm?

Rubbers are marketed in a similarly deceptive fashion. It's almost like they are sex toys. But mostly these are used to prevent pregnancy or disease. And yet we hear nary a word about a given brand's efficacy in those key departments. It's all about how intense her experience will be.

Now I hear they're coming out with a remedy for premature cum. There's a couple problems with this. Many women secretly view sex as a wifely chore to get out of the way so they can watch Letterman or maybe catch some restful zzzs before they have to get up for their 3 hour commute. Others view it as pleasurable but once they've gotten off it grows kind of tiresome. This product must be their worst nightmare, like Bob chasing Libby Dole around the kitchen island with a raging hard-on, nipple clamps and a butt plug.

Why no depiction of gay couples in these ads? Or for that matter, interracial couples in Ad World? Mad Ave types conduct endless research and wrack their brains trying to figure out what makes middle America tick. Hell, they should visit sometime. Gay and interracial couples are so common we don't even notice them. What we do notice is their conspicuous absence from Ad World.

I once saw a cereal ad. Seated at the breakfast table orgasmic over their wheat flakes with strawberries were two guys in business attire. No kids in sight. It seems to be morning. You might surmise that they are boo-fooing one another. But I only saw it twice and then it disappeared. Back to the strictly heterosexual, same-race dating and marrying in Ad World. It's like that movie, Pleasantville. Comforting to some but utterly phony.