« Cushion for the pushin' | Main | I'm taking what they're giving cuz I'm working for a living »
i'm going to prove the impossible really exists
by mg at 08:16 AM on May 24, 2005
There is someone in my office building who does something so very strange that I find myself thinking about it far more often than I'd like. I don't know who the person is, or anything else about them, yet they occupy a part of my attention that should be getting used on more important things, like what is next for Rob and Amber, how much weight has Kirstie Alley lost, and that whole peace in the middle thing.
The only thing I know about them is this certain behavior. I can guess that they are a guy, because the behavior takes place in the men's room, but even on that I can't be certain.
This individual takes those toilet seat covers that they put in public bathrooms and actually uses them. Personally, I've always thought that those were for show, more than anything else because I can't imagine that any man would use one. Women I can understand. And even if a man were to use a toilet in a very toilet place it makes sense. Like if I had to take a seat to do my business at Grand Central Station, or a Big and Rich concert I might consider it.
But the bathrooms in my office are very clean and used only by professional types. Still, I can understand using them. People have weird phobias and if a thin layer of paper comforts them, all the power to them. I totally agree with the root of their concern. I, too, would rather not stick my ass where hundreds of other guys have stuck their asses, but like anyone dating George Michael has to do, I can put that thought out of my mind without having to wrap anything up with a thin sheet of toilet seat cover.
Now, the using isn't the weird part of the equation. The weird part, the part that keeps me awake at night pondering it, is that if use do use a toilet seat cover you are obviously concerned about that kind of thing. But this person in my office, this freak, uses the toilet seat cover but doesn't bother to remove it when he is done. While I can push the thought of sticking my ass the same place hundreds of other people have put there asses is an easy task for me, if I don't have any evidence of it.
I have no problem using public toilets, except if there is any sort of remnant in the toilet. A flush will get rid of most remainders (usually, hopefully). But to remove the toilet seat cover, you actually have to touch it. And when I touch it, I think about what it was touching. And it makes me feel dirty. So, so dirty.
comments (15)
Use your foot...
by LOCKHEED at May 24, 2005 6:44 PM
Now thats bad. but not as bad as guys who chat from adjacent stalls. anonymity people!
by anna at May 24, 2005 6:56 PM
I used to go bare-butt but then I developed the worst STD you would ever imagine. Let that be a lesson to you all.
by Bo Bice at May 24, 2005 8:29 PM
My college dorm had communal restrooms. Before I got there, I thought it was gross to talk while on the toilet. Then everyone was doing it and I actually got used to it. I don't think I'd want to talk to a co-worker that way, though.
I was at IKEA and they'd put an ad for their restaurant on the inside of the restroom stall door. I can't look at food while I'm doing my business! I had to stare at the floor the whole time.
I use my foot to get rid of old toilet seat covers, too.
by jean at May 25, 2005 2:02 AM
My daughters used to talk on cells while taking a dump. They'd be saying something and there'd be these splashes in the background. Eek!
by anna at May 25, 2005 7:48 AM
Friends of mine talk on the phone during such events as well... me, I only answer the phone at such moments if a situation warrants (such as a friend is downstairs waiting to be let up, etc.)
And you know, there's not really anything wrong with touching another guy's ass..... :D
by snaggle at May 25, 2005 4:46 PM
Please vote for me. PLEASE. I need to win. You dont know how bad I need to win.
by Bo Bice at May 25, 2005 5:51 PM
I use those things sometimes, and the inside perforation helps prevent splash poop when you poop and it hits the water, it reduces the impact upon poop matter gravitational impact with flat water poop colored.
by Lockheed at May 25, 2005 11:24 PM
Huh?
by anna at May 26, 2005 7:41 AM
Digital Camera. Take photo of evidence. Print out 8x10 and add the caption: "Please be nice and remove your ass gasket when finished. Thank You." Everytime this person leaves their little present, make sure to tape one of these to the wall of the stall the following morning, as chances are they won't be returning the same day. Maybe they simply have no clue, and need feeback. Some people are startlingly inept when it comes to this kind of awareness, and need a gentle nudge.
by Chris at May 26, 2005 11:10 PM
If I really cared to find who this person was, I probably could. But a) why would I want to? and b) what could you possibly say to someone like that and c) how do you manage to have a professional relaitonship with that person after having such a discussion?
Chris, when I started noticing this problem I thought of your problem with the coffee stealer. We actually also have a lunch bandit on your floor. Someone routinely steals either entire lunches or parts of lunches ("someone reached into your lunch bag and took your yogurt but nothing else? wtf!?"). People have left notes chastising the culprit - "Do you feel good about yourself for stealing a pregnant ladies lunch?" or "beware the lunch bandit" (with a clipart picture or a cat burgler). As far as I know those anonymous messages to the lunch bandit haven't made a difference. You just have to wonder what the mentality is there because unlike the toilet seat covers which are just unsanitary, weird and done, possibly, unkowingly, the lunch stealing is malicious and active form of aggression toward your co-workers.
by mg at May 27, 2005 11:37 AM
You have missed the point of these protective covers. It's not the fact that other asses have been on these seats, its the fact that they have been pissed on 5000 times including the 10 minutes prior to your sitting down. In light of this fact you don't just use one thin sheet you use five. Sorry to hear you have been squating on piss all these years.
by jac at May 28, 2005 7:27 PM
On annoying coworkes: There is a lowly clerk at my office who loves to lord little things over me. I ask her to pay a bill and she brings it back with a note saying she needs a tax id. The phone # is on there, she could call them but no: THAT IS YOUR JOB! Every Friday she collects a dollar from all 200 employees but never tells us what the money is for. And so on. I hate her.
by anna at May 30, 2005 10:16 AM
That sounds so Dilbert or Office Space. I can picture her now! What is it about work that you get to see so much human wierdness through it? :-/
by jean at May 31, 2005 5:29 AM
That one about piss was exaclty what i was thinking. A bush on the side if the road is cleaner! Well, sorta....
Anyway, this discussion is.....very odd.....
Have you ever encountered those wierd french toilets, that send water at you?
by Clonereject1138 at January 22, 2006 7:41 PM