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Blowing White Smoke up my Ass or Martin Luther was a Pussy
by blank at 05:02 PM on May 17, 2005
Now that there's a new good ol' boy living in the Vatican, it's open season on Catholics. And why shouldn't you hate Catholics? I mean, they forbid contraception and premarital sex so they must be responsible for the AIDS epidemic. People have to fuck for Christ's sake! How could you tell them not to? Then there's this whole anti-homo thing. Don't Catho-licks watch Queer Eye? Gays are fun, lovable and have good fashion sense. Have you seen those priest robes? They could use the help. So, c'mon, let them take communion. God won't mind if you disobey him on this one thing. All you have to do is repent right before you die and you can still make it into Heaven.
Obviously, there's lots of reasons to hate Catholics. Even though Jews believe in these same sorts of things, you can't hate them for it, because that would be anti-Semitic. You don't want to be that! Besides, Catholics are rich and powerful, so they must be the evil ones. Everyone knows that as soon as you become rich and powerful you become corrupt and evil. It's common sense.
But how do you stop the Catholic church? Simple. You do it from the inside! All you need is a group of "Progressive Catholics" to protest. The church isn't there to change your values. You're supposed to change it to match yours. Who cares what God commands? You're the ones worshiping him. He needs you or he's out of business. No more money in the offering.
If you're a Catholic already, what other option do you have? You can't just leave the church and join another. Then you'd be a protestant!
comments (18)
Surely you jest. But I tell you what, I used to know some wild Catholic girls. They'd do anything, and I mean ANYTHING, and figure they always had the confession out.
by anna at May 17, 2005 6:18 PM
u are a slowminded dumbass and should be sentenced to an eternity in the fiery depts of hell
by lucky at May 17, 2005 7:36 PM
That's okay. Most of the gay people I know are really fun to be around, so I won't be lonely.
by MrBlank at May 17, 2005 10:27 PM
I still think it is so odd that anyone would use this 2000 year-old book as a guide to live their life. If it wer for anything else, food preparation, medicine, technology, people would scoff at the idea of using a source that was to millenia old as the foundation. But on contraception, sexual preference, what words you can say on TV, etc, the bible is the be all end all.
by mg at May 18, 2005 7:41 AM
Yeah but there's some great stories about whores in there.
by anna at May 18, 2005 7:54 AM
But that 2,000 year old book is the word of G-O-D, so it can't be wrong. He was watching over it while it was copied by hand, translated a bunch of times and edited by kings. Even so, don't expect Catholics to go ape-shit and kill each other if someone flushes it down the toilet. That'd be crazy!
Anna, my girlfriend went to Catholic school and she'll do a lot of stuff, but not anything. Yes, we aren't married and yes, I'm going to hell.
by MrBlank at May 18, 2005 9:07 AM
After your married she'll do less.
by anna at May 18, 2005 7:51 PM
Good stuff, Blank. Catholicism has so much wrong with it, if you go by James Joyce novels and what lapsed Catholics say about it. My college roommate of three years was a practicing Catholic, but the more she learned about it the more she struggled with it, because she just couldn't accept the things she was learning. I wish I could've just told her to ditch the whole thing. But of course you can't do that.
by jean at May 19, 2005 12:02 AM
Fuck You All Catholics Girls Are Mostly Ugly, At least were im going to school DePaul Catholic Represents No Pussy
by Vigz at January 2, 2006 7:38 PM
Burn Heretic.
Homosexualls are an affront to nature, and Insult to Gods perfect creation. These abominations are incomplete mistakes that must be fixed(aka lobotomized) or eraddicated lest their immoral sin spread to easily influenced minds.
Though bring on the hate. We love it. For ever nasty thing you spit at us, so much better will be our reward in heaven, and your punishment in hell.
by Clonereject1138 at January 3, 2006 1:40 PM
And God doesnt need his damn creations! You insolent.......
Grrrr.......
"Its the inquisition, What do ya know, its the Inquisition, here we go....."
Life would be SOOOO much better without you!
by Clonereject1138 at January 3, 2006 1:42 PM
Whoa! Just a bit of hostility I sense. Satan hates the Catholic Church as well. The fowl language in many of the posts suggests a mind bent Satan just grins about. The Catholic Church was founded by Christ and cannot be changed. We as humans do not have the right to change what Christ said or taught.
If you don't agree leave us be and come back when you are ready. Christ is about LOVE and Repentance. Those options are always there.
TRUE LOVE offers HIS life for others.
by Sad Sack at January 20, 2006 3:20 PM
Right....and about bieng a heretic....
Well, you AREN'T. A blasphemer, yes, but in order to be a heretic you must
Be a Christian
Be baptized in the church
Refuse to be corrected
SO, though you may refuse to be corrected, you are probobly not a christian.
I figure aetheists should work holidays as they hold nothing sacred.
Christ aint nothin special, eh? Well I guess you wouldnt mind working on his birthday then.....
by Clonereject1138 at January 20, 2006 5:55 PM
It is not catholics themselves who are at fault. There's a great portion of these people who are in at least some disagreement with the tenets of the church. In america, especially, these people tend to be sober, educated, and not entirely ignorant to civil rights, and the affront that the vatican poses to them.
I find it comical to advocate hatred of catholics, and then to exhort catholics to rebellion in the same breath. Sort of like saying to the middle east, "hey rag-heads, stop being mad at us!".
Don't get me wrong, I am diametrically opposed to the administration of the church. However, from time to time, i will go to mass to make my mother happy, and i discuss this topic with other catholics, priests included, and most people agree that the vatican is in error. For instance, one priest put it as "abstinence makes the priest grow fondler".
It is an admirable aspiration to hate the church. The establishment is a disgustingly blatant font of bigotry and fatally backward thinking. But to hate such 'progressive catholics', such is nonsense. What is needed is obviously plain and sober discourse, free of trite statements, trite plays on words, and braindead aspirations of class warfare (which, i might add, are unrelated to the subject at hand). Such a style of communicating through cliches and slogans leaves me utterly unimpressed..
You say 'rich and powerful' equates to evil, which overlooks the sad fact that, in the united states, money buys education, and the educated vote democrat.
Also, I've read leviticus and romans, and i believe in my heart of hearts that homosexuals stand as much chance of the fires of hell as the eaters of shellfish. Those who are cruel to their brothers, however...
by erick at February 11, 2006 5:09 AM
For all your knowlege and big words your speak agaisnt yourself! You impale yourself with your doble edged sword! For all you have you lack that which matters most! Fool! Where is the wisdom! Your mouth is moving but no sound eminates! Emptiness!
Luther was anti-sematic though.
by Clonereject1138 at February 11, 2006 12:55 PM
The Catholic church is the false church mentioned as the seven hills(Rome), that will burn inthe book of revelations. Your beliefs are mostly pagan with a few name changes as cover ups. WHERE in the bibble are you told to pray to saints,venerate or pray to mary or build huge opulent palaces to house rich greedy popes (poops i'd say).? Also there is no purgatory in the bible so stop worrying. We are all just
animals and god is some cruel alien, and we are his comedic relief. Hell is life on Earth
especially with Catholics owning and running everything.
by bubba at February 15, 2006 12:27 PM
Say what you will, blashphemer. Jesus said to Peter that he was the rock on which he would build his church, fitting, that Peter was the first pope. Yes, Rome has fallen, quite a few hundred years ago! We DON'T pray to saints, or Mary, the PERPETUAL virgin(as when it say, "and arent here his brothers and sisters?". it is to be noted that there is no Armenian word for cousine, as John, Jesus' cousin, was also called his brother, further proving that Mary was a Virgin her entire life) we are to venerate them, as they were some of the holiest people ever, and will plead to God our cause. Just as two may join together and be heard by teh Lord, how much louder he will hear you if one of the voices calling out to him is that of his chosen!
We build massive and grandois chathedrals to mimick the glory of our lord God. Should not his temples be the greatest of all structures?
The Popes themselves retail very little wealth, as could be seen when the remodelers of St. Peter's square noticed the poor quality of the structure, with massive barrels collecting residual rainwater that leaked through the century old roofs.
The Catholic Church is the ONLY church as it was made on the foundation of which our saviour selected.
Now, about female priests, and marraige. A priest is married to the church, thus if he married a woman aswell, he would be commiting adultry. Thus a priest cannot be a woman, as this would be considered a detesteble abmination in Gods eyes. Also, a family would distract priests from their duties, and they would not be able to put the Church and God abovbe their families, and as such, much would remain unacomplished. Sorry for the spelling errors.
by Clonereject1138 at February 15, 2006 3:06 PM
http://www.catholic.com/library/Is_Catholicism_Pagan.asp
and here
http://www.catholic.com/library/Celibacy_and_the_Priesthood.asp
These should answere a few of your doubts. 100 people hate the Church, and 100,000,000 hate what they think it is.
by Clonereject1138 at February 15, 2006 3:13 PM