mg

city lights lay out before us and your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder

by mg at 09:25 PM on May 31, 2005

To give you an idea about the kind of ďwriterísĒ block Iíve been suffering recently, take the case of one Miss Danica Patrick.

Danica is the female driver in this weekendís Indianapolis 500. This has been a big story the past couple days, for a variety of reason. She isnít the first female driver, but she is certainly the best combination of skill (in her rookie year she is currently ranked 9th overall) and wholesome hotness. In the olden days, I would have pounced on the Danica Patrick story like, well, like a lot of guys watching the Indy 500 would have liked to pounce on Danica Patrick.

But, here it is several days later, and I havenít pounced on the Danica story at all. Iíve been about as ready to pounce as Bob Dole was ready pounce on Libby in the pre-little blue pill days. What is odd is that the problem hasnít been figuring out something, anything, to say about it. Rather, the problem with Danica is that Iíve got so many ways to take her, I canít pick just one.

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comments (9)

anna

It goes with the sound of salesmen

by anna at 08:02 PM on May 31, 2005

As with rX ads in general, most of us have made an uneasy peace with those for men who have trouble getting it up and for rubbers. We've gotten used to hucksters ernestly discussing what were once intensely personal matters.

Isn't it odd how most of the post-Bob Dole dicker hardener hucksters are young, hot (but not too hot) chicks? After all, it's a product for dudes who are mostly old coots. It's available only by prescription so it isn't like with condoms where maybe chicks buy them for their dudes to use on them. Yup, it's totally normal to be in your sexual prime with a dick limper than a Korean noodle. But just pop a few of these and a hottie will be cooing about your prowess. "Oh, baby, your dick gets hard when I stroke it! F-ing amazing!"

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comments (5)

anna

Stuck in the middle with you

by anna at 02:46 PM on May 30, 2005

I might have mentioned that I am apolitical. But I am not apathetic. To the contrary, I'm very interested in the issues of the day. My problem is that everyone's argument sounds compelling. I applaud those on the left for their altruism. I like their common good theories. They believe the rich should help and share with the poor, and I agree. This is true even though by some measures, I am one of said rich.

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comments (9)

chris

no plato, no halo

by chris at 04:26 AM on May 27, 2005

I'm losing because I'm old! That's what I told Victoria as we walked down the street and I was trying to explain why I keep having my ass handed to me by 12 year old kids while playing Halo2 on the xbox online. At my graduate school commencement ceremony my graduate advisor introduced me as having built up a reputation as one of the best gamers in the department. I remember being embarassed at the time, as I didn't think it was true - and even if it was - how could she possibly know about it? I played a few video games late at night between experiments and somehow that's how I'm being remembered? I guess I did get pretty good. But there's no way she could have known that!

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comments (10)

anna

You can see I'm in no shape for driving and anyway I've got no place to go

by anna at 07:27 PM on May 26, 2005

I've thought about how, or even if, to tell this tale about how my life turned out the way it did. A seminal series of events, as it were. Here goes.

I'd been dating my future wife for several blissful months. At the time I lived in a group house with a bipolar shrew who wanted to screw me, a neat freak, this huge black guy who urged us to only wash the parts that stink and some other person I don't remember. I don't remember because he or she departed soon after I moved in. Thus began an endless series of interviews for a prospective replacement. I grew so frustrated with the process that I abstained.

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comments (6)

anna

I'm taking what they're giving cuz I'm working for a living

by anna at 07:31 PM on May 24, 2005

There's all these jobs that need to be done but nobody wants to lower themselves to do them. Rev Jesse Jackson recently caused a flap when he said that Mexicans flood across our borders to take jobs even blacks won't take. As someone who's never worked an honest days work in his life, I guess he ought to know.

But there is a huge imbalance in the work situation these days. And I know why: jobs aren't advertised, or marketed, the right way.

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comments (6)

mg

i'm going to prove the impossible really exists

by mg at 08:16 AM on May 24, 2005

There is someone in my office building who does something so very strange that I find myself thinking about it far more often than I'd like. I don't know who the person is, or anything else about them, yet they occupy a part of my attention that should be getting used on more important things, like what is next for Rob and Amber, how much weight has Kirstie Alley lost, and that whole peace in the middle thing.

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comments (15)

anna

Cushion for the pushin'

by anna at 09:29 AM on May 20, 2005

I'm listening to the radio and these 4 grown men are engaged in the eternal "who would you do" debate. Actually, a variation thereof. Call it Who Would You Do and Under What Circumstances, With a Racial Twist.

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comments (9)

mg

if you want my body and you think i'm sexy, come on honey tell me so

by mg at 07:38 AM on May 20, 2005

Sure, we weren't able to find any WMDs, but check out this hot shot of Saddam Hussein in his BVDs.

<sarcasm>This makes it all worthwhile.</sarcasm>

Saddam looks fit and trim. I hope I still look that good when I'm his age, have killed that many people, and have embezelled that much U.N. Oil for Food money.

But the real question is, how does a guy that is so vain that he comissioned hundreds of statues, paintings (on crushed velvet, no less), and named countless airports and cities after himself be walking around in 2005 still wearing a pair tighty whities?

comments (4)

anna

Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive.

by anna at 06:41 PM on May 17, 2005

I remember when the announcement of the new TV schedule was a big deal. Would there be a new Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie or Green Acres in the works? Or maybe a spinoff of All in the Family or LA Law. Now it's like, whatever. Part of the reason is the imitative nature of the TV biz. Part of it is Hollywood narcissism. And more of it is the creativity stifling forces of censorship/"decency" and political correctness. Remove these scourges and you'd have this unstoppable prgramming juggernaut:

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comments (4)

anna

You're well respected, we all know

by anna at 09:20 AM on May 14, 2005

1,600 American men and women are dead due to the war in Iraq. It has cost $169 billion and counting of your money. And for what? So far as I can tell, nothing. Folks, I am a conservative and actually support President Bush. But let me be clear: This is a goddamn outrage that must end now.

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comments (6)

adam

Driving the Heap into the Sunset

by adam at 01:40 AM on May 12, 2005

It has been two years since I returned from Hawaii to resume what passes for my normal life in New York. In that time I've:
lived off mom and dad, found an apartment, found a job, found another apartment, alienated old friends, made new friends, fixed my car, gotten engaged, broken up, gotten engaged again, and not gotten into law school.

I haven't seen a lot of friends as often as I would've liked to, I didn't do anything big to advance my career, I didn't get much writing, reading, or guitar playing done mostly because I spent so much time at a job that didn't do much to advance my career (rinse, repeat). So when my now-fiancee got accepted into a residency in California, I thought long and hard (two minutes) before deciding that I was going to move to the Bay Area with her. I am now in the smallish minority of men who have moved because of their (future) wives' jobs. This, according to the Romanian medical student at my office (along with the fact that I only drive very small cars) means that I "must have a big one," a rumor that I am loathe to refute.

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comments (7)

anna

Lay it down Sally

by anna at 06:49 PM on May 11, 2005

You don't realize what a sheltered life you've led as a teen until you go to college. In my case this was true even though my folks threw me out at 16 and before that they pretty much let me run wild. It's just that there is so much going on in the real world that you know nothing about.

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comments (1)

anna

Hanging on, we push and shove

by anna at 06:56 PM on May 09, 2005

You have to hand it to the hairdressers, trainers, makeup people and plastic surgeons of Hollywood. These are the underpaid, workaday sorts who can transform this frumpy mess into this glamourpuss. Or this housefrau into this gracious looking lady.

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comments (9)

anna

Say hello to my leetle friend

by anna at 07:00 PM on May 05, 2005

You ever get stuck behind a car in traffic that has some really annoying bumper sticker like, "I'm reading your email?" I do, and I hate sitting there trying to fathom what in the hell that is supposed to mean. But other times I get stuck behind cars with stickers whose meaning is ALL TOO CLEAR.

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comments (9)

mg

what's so impressive about a diamond except the mining?

by mg at 07:31 AM on May 04, 2005

Am I at the right website?

The answer to that, today no more so than any other day, is probably not.

So, here it is, the long awaited "something big" that I promised last week. Pretty shocking, no?

It probably isn't that big, really. I mean, websites redesign every day. But it truly feels monumental to me for a lot of reasons that probably mean nothing to anyone else.

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comments (13)

dominathan

When there is nothing left to do

by dominathan at 02:57 PM on May 03, 2005

I have always had an interest in serial killers. Not so much that I want to kill people, as I want to know what exactly made these people tick. i wanna know if they'd kill me on a whim, or whether there is some specific criteria I would have to fit before I became a victim.

A book I am currently reading makes a lot of implications about what humans do when we have idle time. The example he gives show that in the past serial killers were often successful barons, or knights. They had money and power, entertainment and some form of personal fulfillment were the only accomplishments left to these people. And when left to their own devices they began to murder.

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comments (8)

anna

And he just smoked my eyelids and punched my cigarette

by anna at 06:43 PM on May 02, 2005

Today I ate lunch at a chicken joint located next to a hotel with a huge banner that proclaims, "Free High-Speed Internet Access (for hotel guests only.)" I'm musing, "No way! You mean any bozo off the street can't walk in and use your computers?"

At this point I become aware of the garrulous presence of a large group of SWAT team guys. And no, there was no hostage situation at Chik Fil A. They were evidently there for a convention at the hotel. We're talking ultra-manly men. Square jaws, buzz cuts, barrel chests and rippling biceps. Some wore tight t-shirts with slogans like: Domination. Confrontation. Elimination. They spoke loudly of guns, sports and babes. You wouldn't smell more testosterone at a Mike Tyson prize fight of yore.

cont'd »

comments (4)