by mg at 05:13 PM on March 03, 2005
I have a wife and (relatively) new daughter. I like them. A lot.
So, when Iím at home, I want to spend time with them. The kid goes to bed only an hour or two after I usually get home, so I try to enjoy as much time with her as I possibly can. And the wife and I try to spend less time sitting silently staring at the TV and more time actually interacting with each other. It is a completely radical idea, I know, and it doesnít always work (damn the allure of three nights of American Idol). But when it does, we talk, or play games (something family-oriented like Scrabble, or something naughty, like strip Scrabble).
And when Iím at work, I like to actually work. Another radical idea, but Iím crazy like that.
I work 8-9 hours a day, drive 2-3 hours a day, sleep 6-7 hours a day, and play and eat dinner with the kid and wife for 3-4 hours a day. That doesnít leave a whole time to do much of anything, much less craft the kind of literary gems youíve all come to expect from me. I just havenít had a lot of time to hang out and write here, with my other baby.
Which is all really kind of ironic.
In the nearly five years BadSam has existed, there were long stretches where I had nothing but time. I went through years where I wouldnít leave my house for days, much less have a job and significant other to keep me busy. In the midst of it, those were awful, awful times, and Iím really not sure how I survived mentally and physically intact. But, looking back on the writing I poured out on these electronic pages during that time, I have to admit some of it was incredibly funny and interesting, even if horrifically grammatically incorrect.
It really sucks, because I still occasionally have ideas for things to write about, but every time Iím sitting down in front of a computer to do it, either the kid does something cute, I have some TPS reports to finish, or Iím ready to nearly pass out from heat exhaustion.
Would I go back to those past days, if it meant I had still had the creative spark and time to fan the flames, but was miserable? Or can I be happy living the life of a full-fledged prole, but with no for a creative outlet? Can I have the best of both? Does anyone?
Being happy can never be a bad thing, and i encourage all people i come in contact to do what comes naturally, if it is forced it probably isn't the course of action that will make them happy in the long run.
I also see some contrast in being happy and creative, not to say it can;t be done, but only doen with great difficulty. There seems to me to be some pattern in tragedy that really inspires people. The greatest stories ever told (Shakespeare in particular) are all based in tragedy. Van gogh did his painting while inspired by the voices in his head (and I'm pretty sure they weren't happy voices) Led Zepplin, arguably the best band of modern times, wrote all their best music while taking mass amounts of drugs. Sure they may have been superficially happy, but why do most of us abuse substances? Because something is missing.
So it may seem pessimistic, but no I don't think you can have both. I think when you are happy your priorities will naturally change, along with the pattern of thinking. And when it comes down to it you make an excellent point about time. If you are happy spending time elsewhere, and you connotate the times of the most writing with being miserable, than it is natural to only come back when you feel the need to release something.
Life moves on.
by dominathan at March 3, 2005 6:58 PM
Obviously I find the time to post along with work, wife, soccer, kids, grandkids doing increasingly cute things that must be digitally captured. But lately I find myself at a loss for ideas. It would be interesting to hear some suggestions for topics. Sort of like Who's Line Is It Anyway, only on a blog.
by anna at March 3, 2005 7:16 PM
I got nothin' but time, time to smoke, time to write, time to fantasise about winning the lottery, time to have sex, time to choose not have sex (Pah), time to boogie while the kettle boils, time to write, time to play video games for gross quantities of time, time to write, tiii-eye-ee-ime is on my side. Yes it is.
I gotta say though, about the grammar thing, I've shot the shit with some of my fave authors online, all fantasy authors, and I laugh at their constant grammar and spelling errors, while making them myself. Never said anything though, just made me feel better that they make mistakes, and that they didn't feel the need to correct typos or ask their errors to be excused. S'like: "I'm published what do I give a fuck about being perfect in an online domain."
Having a kid has gotta be like having a little power pill to drive you on though... Ain't it? I always think, though I'd never tell them, some of my bestest friends became better people when they became parents. They do the most thoughtlessly nice things for others that it just blows my mind, they became compassionate in ways I can barely get my head around. I think it has something to do with not just looking out for yourself anymore, or just you and your missus... I dunno I'm babbling, I can but wonder.
I reckon if you really wanted to do something creative, not just as a past time but as a profession, having a kid could only help, especially in writing, kids must be walking inspiration... And everything you have to draw on just from the title 'parent' bah, I almost envy you.
The way you put it sounds like your priorities are straight, family and work, the rest can go on the shelf. But I believe if you think you're not doing what you could be; then chances are you probably should and can be doing what you want to. Be it something creative or... Whatever.
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at March 3, 2005 9:44 PM
Whats really interesting is that this wasn't what I meant to write about when I sat down. What I tell people who write for this is to always tell a story. When I started writing, I wanted to use the "I'm really bust" angle as the intro to a really stupid thing I'd been thinking about all day, and would actually have time to write about because it was very short (maybe tomorrow). This whole happy and boring vs miserable and creative aspect grew completly out of my unconsious, since I hadn't been thinking about it at all. Its true, I'm not entirely happy in my current work situation, but I have to stay because I have people to take care of. But those people also make any possible troubles at work completly worth it. Its kind of a vicious circle, isn't it?
by mg at March 3, 2005 10:42 PM
I agree, in most situations you do have to give a little to get a little.
And if everything is going well for you, it only creates a situation to fall. I personally am looking forward to the day i hit rock bottom, I'll only have up to go from there.
by dominathan at March 4, 2005 9:40 AM
I've been around BadSam for four years, with one or two near-death hiatuses... There was a time around 2003 where there were a lot of regular members of Badsam, and it has since declined. However, I still think it's enough members to create an exchange, one that I have brought up before.
We'll create tradeable markets in traditional stocks/currencies, etc, and we could venture into the more fantastic markets of PLO death tolls, insurgent attacks, etc.
So I'm going to experiment, being the marketmaker for one of these.
Ill come up with a standard index too.
by Lockheed at March 4, 2005 12:29 PM
that sentence is so true MG, and i think it is for a lot of us. we're not entirely happy with many things, but we abide them because we've got others who are relying on us. there's no better feeling that that. well, blowjobs maybe.l
by anna at March 4, 2005 5:50 PM
Anna, aren't you supposed to be in sunny motherfucking florida?
by LOCKHEED at March 4, 2005 7:50 PM
Hey Lock, I wanna participate in the exchange! What's my market cap? What's my P/E ratio? (That's "Poontang-to-Earnings" for those of you who are not financially inclined)
by Eviltom at March 4, 2005 8:24 PM
We got done early, but if you survey the comments (and even a post) I was here while I was there.
by anna at March 5, 2005 8:40 AM
Flipping thru the channels I got sucked in by American Idol the other night. Simon chastised some young chick and she just took it, biting her lip. Just once I'd like to see them tell him to fuck off, you old tired British fag. And then the whole thing just goes away forever.
by anna at March 5, 2005 9:43 PM
I'd love to hate the guy but more than half the time he's saying exactly what I'm thinking. I've never watched the American version of Idol, and only watch the British version when there are literally thousands of can't-singers on show. Simon Cowell is one o' those people who makes his living from the talents of others, having no talent himself... I'd take heart from that if I were a singer being grilled by him, but he just makes too much money from it, so he can take whatever you dish out.
Asshole, I think you call those people, and I think they actually like the title. Some of the women who have told their kiss 'n' tell stories concerning Cowell in the British tabloids were just so attractive it's hard to convince yourself they're untrue... Saddens the heart to know it goes on, oh beautiful slappers.
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at March 6, 2005 11:22 AM
Oh he's right alright. But it's that "I have a throbbing headache" delivery that grates me. And the snideness is a bit off-putting.
by anna at March 6, 2005 12:55 PM
I'll be periodically posting some quaint New York City photos on www.tradinganddrugs.blogspot.com as I've gone digital camera obsessive compulsive.
by LOCKHEED at March 6, 2005 11:50 PM
i need awoman for free sex .i can fulfil her every sexual demand
by manmeet at August 28, 2005 12:49 PM