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Nutmeg is a spice
by anna at 09:31 AM on March 05, 2005
In college I briefly dated a girl named Nutmeg. Her real name was Meghan but that got shortened to Meg and somehow that morphed into Nutmeg. She was like Dean's list smart and a chemistry major to boot. She'd explain the mechanics of physical attraction in chemical terms, with the detached air of a scientist. She had long hair that she always wore in tightly wound braids.
She had a fiancee at home so there never was any future to our relationship. Twas a fling and that is all, but I still put some effort into it. I told her about my family backround, emphasizing the affluence and discounting the intense sibling rivalry, alienation and dysfunction. I tried to act smart like her. We'd have a few moderate beers together but never anything else. Most of all I sought to avoid her meeting Roger, the addled guy who'd often open a conversation with, "So, do you still have that picture of my dick and balls on your nightstand?" What an icebreaker that was.
One day we were sitting at a table, eating peeler shrimp and sipping iced tea. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Roger sauntering our way. He had sunglasses on inside and hands in his pockets, as usual. The following exchange ensued:
Roger: Dude, what's up. Who's this little hussy?
Me: This is Nutmeg. Nutmeg, meet Roger. He's a friend of mine from home.
Roger: Hi Nutmeg. Are you into bestiality?
Nutmeg: I've never tried it, but I'm open to just about anything. What kind of animal would it be?
Roger: Not a cat or dog. Too ordinary. Maybe an aardvark or something.
Nutmeg: I was thinking more in terms of something... bigger. Like a horse.
Me: Well, look, we've really got to be going. *gestures to waiter for check*
Nutmeg: Why? Where do we have to be?
Roger: So, Nutmeg, why do you have your hair all bunched up like that? You look like some library chick.
Nutmeg: *lets her hair down with a dramatic flourish and smiles*
Roger: That's better. So, you wanna get high?
Nutmeg: Right here in the restaurant?
Roger: Nah, let's go back to my room.
Nutmeg/Roger: See ya!
This is why it doesn't pay to have charismatic friends. It's also why you so often see pretty girls with awful looking pigs in bars.
comments (7)
A Nutmeg here is when you show up a friend on a football field by knocking the ball between his legs during his attempted tackle. They don't have a name if you do it twice in one long motion, but they have names for the player getting Nutmegged twice, and the advice: "Just get off the field mate."
The charisma thing, best I can do, heh, I stole the line: "Wanna fuck?" Off Tarantino's Jackie Brown.
"Wanna fuck?"
"No!"
I didn't say it worked, though. My younger brother sports the kind of charisma you're talking about... And man it is annoying how it simply renders some females weak. S'like some kind of force field penetrating pheromone. To get anywhere these days you've gotta be completely unafraid, say every dirty line that springs to mind, never look embarrassed and never apologise for it, just keep it up, and keep it going, and eventually you'll get somewhere. You can be completely out of order one minute and then hilariously gross the next... As long as they laugh more than they click their tongue, you're doing okay.
I'm going to Leeds tonight, first time I've been out in a while, see how I do with the true Yorkshire types. My brother and a horde of his completely insane friends and college mates are coming along, should be fun.
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at March 5, 2005 11:20 AM
We too have the term nutmeg. It's the soccer equivalent of a facial in basketball, not porn.
Crimson, your comment reminds me of Henry Ford's sage adage: Never apologize, never explain.
by anna at March 5, 2005 11:44 AM
As with all his side action (Roger too had a fiancee at home--- they're married to this day with 2 wonderful kids,) he'd only do Nutmeg in the ass or mouth. That way, he wasn't cheating. Shades of Bill Clinton's definition of "is."
by anna at March 5, 2005 9:47 PM
Nutmeg sounds like a classic dorky smart hornbeast who demands it in the ass and gives ridiculous spit filled head. Real sloppy and straightforward to bust a nut. Yet, one would wonder if she merited sympathy at times.
by Lockheed at March 7, 2005 11:32 AM
I wouldn't know first hand but that is almost word for word how Roger described her technique. Smart chicks are like that sometimes, I guess.
by anna at March 7, 2005 6:14 PM
Lockheed, that is classic. There are many people I've seen in academia whose fury I thought came from too long with no sex.
by jean at March 8, 2005 12:30 AM
Classic indeed. Sometimes he just hits it out of the park.
by anna at March 8, 2005 2:11 AM