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I don't want a pearl necklace
by anna at 06:19 PM on March 23, 2005
Once I was riding in a car with a girl. ZZ Topp's Pearl Necklace came on the radio. I'd never paid much attention to the song or its lyrics. Besides, they sing in that twangy Dallas drawl, so I couldn't make them out anyway.
The following exchange then ensued:
Her: You know what that means?
Me: I take it the chick digs jewelry.
Her: That's not it. She wants him to spurt cum all over her neck.
Me: No way.
Her: Way.
Now don't get me wrong. I don't advocate a return to proposing on one bent knee, chivalry, damsels in distress fluttering their eyelashes, fainting couches or chastity belts. But I do think it's better to err on the side of being too ladylike rather than resorting to such coarseness.
I think I know from whence all these vile outbursts from females originated: women's mags. Every month they all feature 30 dazzling sex tricks guaranteed to wow your man into fidelity. "He'll never look at another woman that way," they declare. Sure he won't.
One of the tips is always talking dirty in the sack. Never mind that unless it is done subtly and spontaneously, smutty talk just seems ridiculous and it makes people uncomfortable to boot---like the inane babbling of mentally ill homeless folks does.
"Oh baby, shove your big johnson in my ear" is anything but spontaneous or subtle. Then again, it's far better than, "Oh my significant other, your penis is so... sizable."
I need to go take a hot shower now. I suggest you do the same.
comments (9)
I didn't think pearl necklaces involved fluid. I thought it was because if a woman performing oral, the two man bags are on her neck/chin.
by mg at March 24, 2005 12:15 PM
www.urbandictionary.com The solution to any defintion needs you may have.
by dominathan at March 24, 2005 1:30 PM
Makes for a fun night though, laughing while on the job is damn challenging... Don't you ever find yourself blaspheming involuntarily ("Oh god shhhit!") while, again involuntarily, declaring how good it feels though ("Christ that feels good.")? I do. That's just a step away from suddenly kicking into a running commentary of what you're gonna do, or what you can't resist doing next, like, "I'm gohn bite your neck, cos your neck taste goood." "I'm gonna nibble your ear, cos your ears need a nibbling." She tells you to shut up say, "Ooh say that again," and then in the voice of the Vietnamese prostitute from Full Metal Jacket say, "me so horny." If she doesn't laugh I'll give you ten pounds sterling of my own money.
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at March 24, 2005 1:34 PM
Me love you long time.
So was she wrong about the definition or not?
I'd suggest that the folowing words be avoided: snatch, twat and butt fuck.
by anna at March 24, 2005 6:19 PM
According to the urban dictionary, yes. Here's the definition from the site:
**Pearl Necklace
The glorious culmination of tit-fucking, in which you blow your nuts out all over a girl's tits, shoulders, neck, and, with any luck, chin. One of the highest expressions of love and affection bestowable upon a woman by a man.**
I'd never heard the term before today and tit fucking is, I can honestly say, something I've never tried nor being offered a go at. I reckon if I was asked to do it, I'd have to ask: "Why?"
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at March 24, 2005 11:48 PM
It's one of those things that seems very forced and mechanical. "and with any luck, chin." heh-heh.
by anna at March 25, 2005 7:55 AM
you all seem a little too self involved to understand this stuff.
by Kate at April 12, 2005 11:13 AM
I thought everyone knew, or knows what a pearl necklace is.My wife loves her jererly but she really really really loves my hot gooey sticky sperm all over her neck.she can wear it in public to.,all shiny and people ask how to get one and she says her husband sprayed it all over her neck.when shes done with it she eats it like candy......woohoo
by arthur sampson at October 27, 2006 4:34 PM
My girl friend says to me that her boyfriend gave her the pearl necklace that she was wearing. She wears it out in the towen all the time and other girls are jealous of her becuase it's sooooooo big - ooh spunk!"!
by Alice Keymer at November 18, 2006 11:38 PM