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Green Grass and High Times Forever
by anna at 07:07 PM on March 15, 2005
So I'm talking to this PI. She says the firm derives most of its income from tailing alduterous women around. Evidently this is some national trend. To hear her tell it, every sleazy Motel 8 is full of lusty gals pursuing nooners. I'm not sure I believe it. Maybe it's just a result of guy's insane jealousy and vivid imaginations.
I'll talk about cheating but it isn't from personal experience, sorry. I've never even come close to straying in 16 years of marriage. First, I love my wife. Second, I think about how I'd feel if she did that to me. Third, there'd be practical considerations. All my time is accounted for. And she would know. Hell, she knew early in our marriage when I'd bring porn into the house. She's since convinced me that watching it is a mild form of adultery.
In the animal kingdom, there are monogomous species, semi-monogomous species and slutty species like rabbits. The term "fuck like rabbits" isn't for nothing. But among the higher primates and many birds, lifelong mates aren't so uncommon. And the traits are pretty uniform within a given species.
Ah, but Man is more complex. Within our species we have those who stick with one mate for life, serial monogamists (like me,) outright whores and those who remain celibate, some by choice. And that is what makes me curious about the whole thing.
I tend to think most adulterous affairs are dissatisfying. Initially at least, there are compatability issues that involve favored positions, rhythms and such. Due to the infatuation/lust/thrill of illicit conquest factors, I'd also think a lot of these trysts are over sooner than it takes Michael Jackson to jerk off your 13 year old son. The woman winds up getting shortchanged. Plus, she's probably got some perverted PI filming her in the throes of passion through the motel room window.
The non-physical aspects are probably less than ideal too. Rendevous must be done on the sly, which limits entertainment options. The parties are often plagued by guilt and terrified of the emotional torture and financial ruin to come if they are found out. And make no mistake, that's going to happen. There are just too many telltale signs to control. Plus there's that pesky intuition thing.
On top of that, it's common for adulterers to seek out younger partners. This creates a whole nother issue of age/intellect gaps and that isn't good. Imagine the pillow talk afterwards:
He: My stockbroker thinks I should diversify my portfolio. What do you think?
She: I dunno. I'm thinking about getting implants. But I can't decide between silicon and saline.
He: Yours look fine.
She: Oh, I know. Why don't you color your grey hairs?
He: My wife says it makes me look distinguished.
She: She's a liar.
He: She doesn't like the hairs growing out of my ears though. Says it makes me look like a jackass.
She: You like Jackass? I'd so do Steve-O....
comments (16)
I'm fiercely loyal too but would probably forgive if my companion had a few transgressions which is odd. Of course the fear of getting caught can arouse you in many ways... feeling straight dirty for the sex of it. That shit can make you ejaculate better, feeling low and perverted. I certainly derive greater ejaculatory pleasure having 'sex' than making 'love. But of course love is infinitely more virtuous.
by LOCKHEED at March 15, 2005 8:04 PM
I reckon that entire post is 'spoken like a true monogamist'. :) lol, I'd love to have an affair, I mean with a married woman, not an affair in which I cheat on a girlfriend. But it makes for a better fantasy so I wouldn't want to do it, probably spoil the image I have. Hurts like hell if you're the one being cheated on, and I've never experienced batting for the cheating team so I can't say what that feels like. If I'm guilty of having slept with another man's bloke, he can rest assured that his partner was vetted for singledom before I touched her. I don't know if the line: "Hey, man, she lied to both of us, I'm just as upset as you, honestly." Would be any consolation?
Looking at the women I know, those in relationships, I'm convinced more than half are secretly wanting their blokes to betray them, just so they can fall through the paces of emotional drama, I'm fairly certain there's a particular breed of human that just loves homemade drama. Maybe the birds of this breed read a little Bridget Jones and think they'd be better off as the woman in a triangle, torn between two men, than be in a steady, loving relationship that shows every sign of going the distance, reaching the 'sharing pipes and slippers in old age', stage. Pride and Prejudice and others... Those classics are popular for a reason. And the blokes of the same breed, well, I'm yet to see an author write a book in which the penis is the protagonist, but when it happens, I'm sure it'll cover why us men do what we do to fuck things up. :) I'm sure the readers of the Austin novels looking for drama are leading the men, though. The men are guilt free. They're not smart enough to think straight when it comes to considering the connotations of an affair... The penis is the backup when the brain falters, and the penis is pro-active.
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at March 15, 2005 8:48 PM
Well yeah, there are always drama kings and queens. I don't understand people like that. Conflict is unpleasant. Unpleasant is bad. So avoid it.
I do admit that with some old girlfriends I'd tired of, I'd do or say something awful in hopes that they'd dump and save me all that trouble. Sometimes it worked.
by anna at March 16, 2005 7:44 AM
I put sleeping with another man's bloke? Christ there's a one o'clock in the morning fuck up for the ages, I can't even be bothered to wonder why I typed it. Another man's bird, or another bloke's bird, is what I was aiming for. But hey, same applies if I ever did sleep with another mans bloke, only the line would be, "Hey, man, I thought HE was a woman, *gibber gibber* *scrub shower shave* honestly, *sob gibber sob* *shiver shiver* I'm just as upset as you, *barf gibber sob shiver*, honestly."
Theme for The Crying Game plays as Crimson contemplates suicide during his three day long shower.
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at March 16, 2005 8:44 AM
Porn is a mild form of adultery?? That's just mean. What about wet dreams? Can they only be of her?
Now, if she does everything you want to do in bed, then she can say that.
by MrBlank at March 16, 2005 9:37 AM
hey ex crimson guard, why dont you take your misogynistic ass over to the library and pick up the 'myth of women's masochism' and see how wrong people like you who say that us women want to feel pain and want our significant others to betray us are. These excuses are ridiculously absurd and dated. And please stop referring to women as 'birds', just because your bitter at your lack of attention from them.
by hinee at March 16, 2005 1:08 PM
Hinee, is there a CIP record for that book? A library reference? Or maybe an author you want to share? Hehe, should such a book exist, I'm glad it caught your attention. The question is why it did though. You sound like a bitter bird, let's have sex.
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at March 16, 2005 1:25 PM
You are right that humans are complex, but I would respectively disagree with your application of that fact. Over simplified is how I'd describe your statements on this matter.
People are not defined by the morals you mentioned. We take actions regardless of morals. I am faithful to my significant other, not because I'm supposed to be, but because that is the understanding we both have of our relationship. It is our joint choice.
Thangs like porn or enjoying the sight of a beautiful woman (checking other women out) are shared by my g/f and myself. In fact, my g/f likes it when I get hit on. lol
Everyone has wants and desires. Society sets boundries (morals) on those, but in our modern age, those boundries are dated. They used to be for survival, but who you shack up with has little do with with survival these days.
by fcsuper at March 16, 2005 3:56 PM
Very true FC, but some people, "Ahem ahem." *cough* are able to convince themselves that the inconsistent moods, diverse personalities, and shifting predilection toward or away from masochism of the many millions of people in any given society can be partially covered and yet proven absolute in a single book. All power to those folk, me thinks, shame they can’t spot tongue in cheek musings though. >:-)
You know your g/f is watching you closely when you are being hit on, she probably knows every expression your capable of fabricating, and exactly what that expression means, even if it is the slightest glimmer in the ol’ eyeballs. She’d put an end to the flirty flirty if she thought you were being too receptive to it. Surely?
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at March 16, 2005 5:25 PM
So, while I was in Nicaragua, I was dating a Nicaraguan. Or rather, sleeping with a Nicaraguan. After a while, I started to kinda wonder what my status was and tried to initiate ¨the talk.¨ Due to drunkenness, the talk was postponed to the next day. The next day, I was told that he currently had a Nicaraguan girlfriend. They´d been together for 2 years. That was a slap in the face, especially since I´d know him for about 2 months and had never heard of or seen the girlfriend. I asked his brothers if that was true, and they both confirmed.
It took me a while to digest that, but eventually, I was like, fuck it -- I´ll be the Other Woman. Then I found out that he was just trying to shake me with that line about the girlfriend... one night when he was being an asshole to me, his brother came up to me and said, ¨ok, you didn´t hear it from me, but he doesn´t have a girlfriend.¨ Coward.
So that´s my experience of helping someone cheat on their significant other. Or not cheat, really. Through that, I did learn that as long as the g/f was someone I´d never met, I was ok with being the Other Woman, as long as the sex was good.
by Leaffin at March 16, 2005 5:51 PM
Crim, I noticed that little gaffe (?) but there's so much information in your comments I though nobody would catch it. They might not have. But now that you bring it up, it's damn funny.
Blank, I am really not so sure I agree about porn = mild cheating. But in my house, the recrimination isn't worth the bother.
FC, I do tend to oversimplify things. I also base my opinions mostly on my own experiences. Like the time my wife and I pulled up to 7-11, which has glass windows. She waits in the car. I look this girl up and down as if I was alone. The second I get in the car, she's like, Jeez, she's young enough to be your daughter. Or else: I guess that's what they mean by undressing someone with your eyes.
More power to you Leaf. I wonder where the truth lies. Maybe he had a gal but lost her because he was carrying on with you. Do you wear a distinct brand of perfume or wear lipstick?
'Preciate the comments all.
by anna at March 16, 2005 6:39 PM
For a long time I tried to be okay with conventional pornography, like the kind they make in the San Fernando Valley, but finally I wasn't. Other stuff is nice sometimes, though. Once I read a book of erotica written by older women (the stories had older women in them), and they were all really sweet stories about relationships, which happened to have sex scenes.
Are you allowed to read romances or mystery novels, Anna? There is a lot of graphic sex in those. It's like hidden pornography.
by jean at March 17, 2005 1:24 AM
Well, I do read a lot of fiction novels. But again, it should not have references to such material on the cover or jacket.
As a kid I was fixated by page 27 of The Godfather, where Sonny and Lucy slip off during a wedding (possibly his.) It's funny to read it now, because she had this problem with being too big down there but this well-hung Italian stud had the remedy for that.
by anna at March 17, 2005 7:46 AM
Dang! That is some gritty realism. I remember the first time I read a sex scene in a book was in 7th or 8th grade. It was something I checked out from the library, so that means a librarian had let me take it home!
by jean at March 18, 2005 2:14 AM
So it's okay, right. I used to imagine the library versions with pages 27 and 28 stuck together. Eek. You never get to page 29.
by anna at March 18, 2005 7:55 AM
Hahaha, nasty! Some library books are in such bad condition, it does make you wonder.
by jean at March 21, 2005 5:41 AM