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Gotcher beach story coming right up
by leaffin at 05:54 PM on March 16, 2005
Based on my experience, sex on the beach is highly overrated. Sand everywhere -- in clothes, in ears, in random orafices (sp?). And it doesn´t go away for about a week.
Anyone else agree/disagree?
comments (18)
Once: on a river beach, very pebbly and uncomfortable, left bruises. Another, actual ocean beach but very crowded. Look ridiculous huddled under beach towel trying to act nonchalant. No good. The worst: Strolling onto Newport Beach with old GF. Settling in. Realizing that she's the only girl and dudes are ogling ME. Bah.
by anna at March 16, 2005 6:44 PM
You could always use... like... beach towels or a quilt or something. Though, I can't see that being much better than sex in bed. It would probably be much hotter to just get in the water and do it.
by Hank at March 16, 2005 7:27 PM
When in Rome, I did as the Romans did and had sex on a nice comfortable bed. Greece, Spain, and Portugal, though the beaches were gorgeous... I did as the Greeks, Spanish, and Portuguese do... And did it in nice comfortable beds. I think I can blow a passionate moment to smithereens by simply grunting: "Bed." The beach is a comedians fall back material, the story of the ages, "Ooh the sand!" I've never really been eager to prove them all true. I reckon Hank's right though, a beach towel'd do the trick.
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at March 16, 2005 8:36 PM
Sucking went on there. In front of us. The real can differ so much from the theoretical. Eek.
by anna at March 16, 2005 8:55 PM
Sex on a beach in Britain, I reckon you'd end up with an ayslum seeker's shoe all, the way from Kosovo, stuck in the ol' rectum, a French fisherman's net clinging to your ankle, and not so much grains of sand in every orifice, but mutated clumps of, what Victorian's enjoyed as sand, now nothing more than compressed dirt sculptures. Our beaches suck!
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at March 16, 2005 9:09 PM
In my experience, there are no random orifices. (and a lot of things which are supposed to be romantic are just the opposite). I can imagine oral sex on the beach wouldn't be so bad...
by Chris at March 16, 2005 11:37 PM
Cosmopolitan Magazine recommends using a beach towel, too. I'm not a big fan of beaches (I know, living in Southern California and everything!), but I do have a Corona bottle full of sand from a real Mexican beach.
by jean at March 17, 2005 1:10 AM
Jean, I'm not sure how to take that last remark.
by anna at March 17, 2005 7:41 AM
It means she spreads the sand on the floor, does it on the floor, and then sweeps it back into the bottle for a simulacrum of sex-on-beach.
As for me, the only sex I've had on the beach was pink and fruity.
That didn't really clairify things, did it, as I like white boys (who get pink in sun) and I'm a fruit. Hm.
by snaggle at March 17, 2005 1:20 PM
Anna, it is unfortunately just a corny gift from one of my friends. I've made out on a beach? That's the closest I've ever gotten. Considering what Leaffin says, I think I'll pass on sex on the beach. Sand stays for a week??
Snaggle, are you tearing it up on Santa Monica Boulevard yet? Is Rage still a decent club, or is it really old news? I used to go there with my gal pals, and the scenery was always very good. ;)
by jean at March 18, 2005 2:02 AM
Bah. That isn't working for me.
by anna at March 18, 2005 7:53 AM
Sex. oh baby, keep talking like you do.
by DogChild at March 18, 2005 12:27 PM
You give me a nasty hard on...
by DogChild at March 18, 2005 12:55 PM
The one thing that´s handy about a beach is that at night, without a moon, a large empty beach solves the problem of not having a bed to go to. Unfortunately, it kinda ruins the moment, if, after some star-gazing and snogging, you say, ¨hey, wait a minute... I´m going to run back to my room and grab a towel.¨ Yes, I did have a room with a bed, but if I took anyone back there, my co-workers and the security guard would all know that I was going to get some action. And I liked them to think that I was a good little girl.
by Leaffin at March 18, 2005 1:35 PM
Leaf, this is where you should make a towel an evening fashion accessory... like a very absorbant shawl.
And it sounds like there have been a number of lucky lads... so if the sand stays for a week each time, you'll be carrying around sand for, what, the next several years?
Jean, been tearin' it up down there nonstop. I went to Rage once or twice and it was okay, but very... young. It's funny.. I still haven't found a place that completely replaces my favorite place back home (Iowa actually having a good bar/club? Strange, innit?)
by snaggle at March 18, 2005 5:36 PM
Leaffin: I liked them to think that I was a good little girl.
I kinda get that but, turning up at your place the next morning, passing the security, waving good morning to your friends, and being covered in sand...
... "Where were you last night?"
"Uh... Iraq."
"Ah."
The towel thing would be a mood killer, but I'd have just star gazed for a while, snogged for a bit, and then offered: "Sod this, lets go to yours." Instead.
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at March 18, 2005 10:03 PM
Or just climb on top. Let him deal with those pesky grains of sand in his orifi.
by anna at March 19, 2005 5:19 PM
Thanks for the scoop on Rage, Snaggle. I'm glad to hear that you're having a good time! You go! :)
by jean at March 21, 2005 1:54 AM