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With 2 cats in the yard, life used to be so hard

by anna at 06:31 PM on February 17, 2005

When we moved to this house we noticed a cat hanging around the carport. It obviously belonged to someone as it looked well-fed and was declawed. We kind of ignored it at first, because we've already got a cat. To have more than one makes you a Cat Person, and you don't want that.

It kept hanging around and my wife started feeding it. Big mistake. Before long it was lurking near the doorway and lunging inside. We'd throw it out but it would come back. Then my son named him Ghost. Bigger mistake. Now we're Cat People.

Like many cats, this one is aloof, self-absorbed, lazy and struggles with her clumsy attempts to garner affection from her forcefully adopted family. We grudgingly feed her but God knows what we'll do if she needs to visit the vet. The damn thing lives here but it doesn't belong to us. Or at least that's my story, and I'm sticking to it. No vet bills.

Needless to say, we won't be plunking down $32,000 to these guys. But hey, that's a bargain compared to last year when several cat lovers shelled out $50,000 for a clone of their beloved tabby. $50,000! That's like the median annual family income in the US.

Here's the best part: Fur color isn't necessarily determined by genetics. Things can happen during gestation that cause a clone to have a different fur color and pattern. So for all you know (short of expensive DNA tests,) Savings and Clone takes your $32,000, goes down to the shelter and picks a similar looking kitty out for free. What a deal!

And now they're moving into the dicier dog-cloning realm. This isn't good. Suppose there's a certain kind of dog that those Korean bistros that piss off Brigitte Bardot by cooking live dogs at the table with blowtorches find is a customer favorite. Are they going to flood Savings and Clone with requests for this tasty variety? (Assuming the price comes down as it surely will.) Mmm, tender three month old Labrador chops.

D'oh. Bah. Arrgghh!

comments (195)

I forgot the best part. Seems a Cat Lady down the street ran off with another guy. Her miffed hubby locked all her cats out of the house and refused to let them back in. Entranced by her boy-toy, Cat Lady didn't come back to collect them. So this outdoor cat colony was established. Every time a new family moves onto the block, the cats dupe them into taking one in. Ghost was one of the original ones.

by Anna at February 17, 2005 6:43 PM

No way!!! That is truly unusual.

Cats are great. Most of them live their lives in eternal conflict. They want to like humans, but are hard-wired as solitary creatures. One of my family's cats won't let you get near her 50% of the time. But if you get close enough to pet her, she's in seventh heaven.

by jean at February 17, 2005 8:41 PM

I'm not really a fan of cats. I like dogs, but being as lazy and irresponsible as I am, I can't imagine looking after one. Miniature horses are the way to go. I saw a show about them not too long ago and now im transfixed. They even substitute for seeing eyes dogs. Seem smart and lovable when they are this little. If MG can have a wish list, I can too, and this is my number 1 item.

http://www.guidehorse.org/press_latimes1.htm

by dominathan at February 17, 2005 10:25 PM

I am biologically hard-wired to be a dog person, not a cat person.

No really! I'm allergic to cats. The last time I was around one I broke out in hives. And this cat had been given anti-make-you-allergic stuff.

by snaggle at February 18, 2005 12:16 AM

My parents have two pedigree cats, a Siamese and a... I think it's a Berman, or something. They come with names and certificates and seals and lil family trees. The names leave a lot to be desired. The Siamese is Santavor (Not sure of the spelling) Timothy... Apparently, and don't ask me what language it's supposed to be... But Santavor is supposed to mean Tiny. Tiny Tim, see, fnar fnar, first clarse what? Pathetic. The other one, the fluffy bugger, is called Theodore. Meh. Both got really clear blue eyes though.

Their names make for interesting convo's when I go for coffee in the city centre with my dear old mum though. I ask about the cats, but obviously use their posh git given names and never acknowledge that they’re cats.

"So how’s Tim? He alright?"

"Yeah but he's taken to spraying piss near the backdoor for some reason."

*Looks of disgust coming from patrons of the coffee shop, suddenly their coffee doesn't taste quite like coffee.*

"And Theo?"

"Always sleeping, he hardly moves, and when he does he paces around the living room. The back garden has a flattened path on the grass, almost a figure of eight, where he's walked around and around."

*Patrons deffo thinking my family has issues.*

When my grand mother used to go visit when I lived there, she's allergic to cats, I think it's the only time the two cats actually formed an alliance to hassle her. One'd give the legs a loving rub while the other tried to mount her lap. All the while she's trying to get them away without booting them across the room.

Aah, I'm a cat person. Dogs tend to stink, they fart and look innocent, and they're too much work, as Dom said. Walking a quadruped and picking up its faeces ain't my idea of a good relationship, and did I mention they smell? Give a cat a little door and all you have to worry about is putting food and water in its dishes and making sure you don't move when they elect to sleep on you, if you do they get pissed and ignore you for a couple of days.

Cats rule dogs drool... A kid’s flick told me, and I believe it. That womans new man must have been some kinda Don Juan eh? Cat people usually worry about their cats like dog people worry about people seeing them picking up crap.

by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at February 18, 2005 2:29 AM

that dominathan/eviltom war reminds me of old times...

by LOCKHEED at February 18, 2005 5:34 AM

What war, I'm not tracking. Crimson, I pictured those pedigreed cats and your grandma and almost fell off my chair. Snaggle, one of the emerging markets for cloned kitties is to make ones that don't cause allergic reactions. You might want to look into it if you've got 32k to spare. Jean, what you said describes Ghost exactly. She's like someone who's recently been divorced ad is suddently thrust on the dating scene. Pathetic. Miniature horses? Get a Great Dane and ride em cowboy.

by Anna at February 18, 2005 7:17 AM

Let me just add that whatever you might think about it, human cloning is coming. I am going to keep a Spare Me in my attic to mine for spare parts.

by Anna at February 18, 2005 7:47 AM

I have an Audrey Hepburn DNA string. I bought it for 61,800 Deutschmarks(which is now the Euro)....

by LOCKHEED at February 18, 2005 9:53 AM

I don't know that I would get along with another me.

I enjoy the idea of cloning humans. It would finally give good evidence referring to the effects of how people are rasied, and how their personalities would differ because of teh different experiments. The closest we come now is identical twins...

by dominathan at February 18, 2005 9:56 AM

Nature or nurture eh... Folk arguing about which is the more fundamental... Just mix em together and stop fighting, silly intellectuals, heh.

I quite like the idea of human clones, I have no idea why, I just do. Might make for interesting... Uhm... Boxing matches? Top of the bill, Mike Tyson clone versus the Mike Tyson clone, big fight liiiiiive.

by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at February 18, 2005 12:48 PM

I think secretly lots of folks are in favor of human clones. I mean, all kidding aside, Savings and Clone is expected to grow into a multi-billion dollar biz with scads of other companies scrambling to get up to speed. The only real question is whether clones will enjoy all the rights and privileges of full-fledged people.

by Anna at February 18, 2005 6:39 PM

I believe they would in Canada, but once we let them get married the states and other countries will rasie a large kerfuffle.

by dominathan at February 18, 2005 6:53 PM

So if you have a clone in Canada, you can marry yourself?

by Anna at February 19, 2005 6:59 AM

Meh, a clone marriage, I can imagine guidance when things start going a bit shit.

"Original Crimson why do you think you're having problems?"

"I dunno, we're too different I think, he doesn't get me."

"Crimson 2?"

"He agrees with everything I say! Sometimes I think he has no original thoughts at all, he always seems to claim any ideas I have."

"Are you splitting everything down the middle come the divorce?"

"No he can have it, it's all shit anyway."
"No he can have it, it's all shit anyway."

"I don't want it!"
"I don't want it!"

"Stop that!"
"Stop that!"

"Aargh!"
"Aargh!"

by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at February 19, 2005 12:51 PM

They say opposites attract, but don't buy into that shit. Look at Mick Jagger falling for his splitting image Bianca. I too could fall in love with my clone if he wasn't such a dick.

by anna at February 19, 2005 2:41 PM

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