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I used to have an Oscar in my fish tank but it died
by anna at 06:50 PM on February 25, 2005
I swear this is the last you'll hear from me until I return from my sojurn to sunny FLA. It's snowed here and it's a mess, so the trip south is seeming more and more palatable. What isn't is the impending deluge of false hype, speculation, overblown hyperbole and everything else that is disgusting about...
The goddamn Oscars. Does anyone alive care about the lesser categories? Like, best cinematography? What is that? How do you judge it? And while I realize why a few lifeless souls might care a smidgen about best Actor or Actress, first-time host Chris Rock hit the nail on the head: If two actors play the same role we can make judgments about who did it better. But comparing one actor's take on one role against another actor's performance in another is simply ludicrous.
But you will hear about it. And hear about it. How long did it drag on? Who gave the most embarassingly gushing acceptance speech? Who dressed well? Who didn't? Who cares? Did anyone even see one nominated movie? I know I didn't. Let me know when they come out on DVD.
Just once I'd love to hear an actress give this terse acceptance speech (feel free to plagiarize, whoever's nominated.):
"I'd like to thank the academy for recognizing my performance in ____. We had a great script and _____ did a bang-up job executive producing, whatever it is that they do. But what I am happiest about tonight is this little statuette. *holds up Oscar with deft Hollywood finger-rolling wave* I think I am going to rig it up with batteries and use it as a dildo. *demonstrates in ass* Good night everyone."
comments (16)
Julia Roberts-mouthed Hilary Swank is nominated again for.... something or other. She seems like somewhat of a renegade. Maybe she'd do it. Stir things up a bit. Who else might? Certainly not Nicole Kidman.
by anna at February 26, 2005 9:59 AM
Never underestimate Jamie Foxx... he was after all a comedian for all those years
by dominathan at February 26, 2005 1:40 PM
Not a dude. I don't want a dude to do that.
"YOU LOVE ME!!! YOU REALLY LOVE ME!!!!! YOU REALLY REALLY LOVE ME!!!!!!... Bah.
I did read that Foxx put some stuff in his eyes that blinded him temporarily for the shoot of Ray. That's pretty ballsy. But I'm sure the flick's a bore.
by anna at February 26, 2005 4:33 PM
I had that ray charles one album of the year. Stop giving it to all these people who aren't writing new songs.
Maybe they should have two album of the year categories... one for whoever died and released tribute albums... and one for original music. (I think Kanye's College Drop-out should have taken it hands down)
by dominathan at February 27, 2005 1:04 AM
I don't think there is a more predictable event than the Oscars. Take LotR for example... It was obvious the dudes behind the golden little man awards wouldn't hand out awards for each and every LotR offering, no, no, no, can't have a New Zealander racking up the highest Oscar award count ever. It was so, so, so, obvious that only the last in the trilogy would reap some nods of approval.
I have Ray on a ripped DVD, you're right though the flick is a bore. I have no clue who else is nominated for 'Best Actor in a Dolby Digital multi-million dollar production' but I fancy Foxx's chances... Not.
Watch 'The Academy' surprise you all, when he doesn't get it.
What is with those extended categories anyway? "Best pie in a sweeping camera move." "Most original use of the word fuck in an animated feature."
Those shows... Grrr... Lame jokes on the part of the presenter, whoever it might be, just like the dire BAFTA's, and listening to the presenter blow wind up the arses of his co-presenters before they arrive: "Here to present the award for least recognised category in a shitty televised award ceremony, an actor who to my mind, boasts unrivalled beauty and who can captivate an audience doing nothing but whistling..."
Gah!
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at February 27, 2005 5:13 AM
I can say I'll probably watch the Oscars... not for the movies, but for the fashion. I'm working on a website that will be released sometime in March that will follow that sort of thing which I hope will eventually become an actual paper magazine sometime after I graduate. In any case, there weren't any really excellent movies taking everything this year and the only ones I saw that were nominated were Closer (which pretty good) and Collateral (which was awesome... alot better than Ray). I hope they do like the academy awards did and just start halfway in after all of the useless awards are given out.
by Hank at February 27, 2005 1:38 PM
Ha-ha. I'm still here. Well actually I'm in the Hilton in Tampa. But they have one computer for the entire hotel, and I finally got my chance. The Oscars are on now, and I'm at the computer. I'm on an expense account, but some things are not explained. Like the movies you can order. Is that allowed, in general, or not? As it is, I have like 12 less movie channels than I do at home. Bah!
by ANNA at February 27, 2005 9:43 PM
Will Dominathan pleathe go away?
by Eviltom at February 27, 2005 10:03 PM
I think Tom has a little crush.
by mg at February 27, 2005 10:25 PM
If Dominathan had curly blond pigtails, EvilTom would be pulling them.
Ah, I hate that frantic hotel search for things you normally don't think twice about having, but now don't have because you're traveling. But I love traveling. Isn't that strange?
by jean at March 1, 2005 2:41 AM
Halle Berry at the Razzies:
"I want to thank Warner Brothers for casting me in this piece of shit," she said as she dragged her agent on stage and warned him "next time read the script first."
http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?storyID=7748301&type=entertainmentNews
by MrBlank at March 1, 2005 9:59 AM
Hey at least she's being a good sport. Madonna's never done that with any of her Razzies. And where did that English accent come from?
Yeah Jean, like a belt. I bought a whole new Spring wardrobe to come down here, but forgot my belt. Nothing looks more absurd than a guy in biz casual clothes, shirt tucked in but no belt. I might as well have left the tags on my new duds.
by anna at March 1, 2005 8:24 PM
Its obvious where the accent came from... she married into it. Consider it an accent-in-law.
by dominathan at March 1, 2005 8:28 PM
Heh-heh. (LOL) Yes, I suppose so. Want a new post about my fearful back alley encounter? Then put the exact link for the MT posting site in a comment. I can't figure out what it is from here. At home it's in my...how do you say... cachet?
by anna at March 1, 2005 8:35 PM
http://www.badsamaritan.com/cgi-bin/cms/mt.cgi
by dominathan at March 1, 2005 9:34 PM
im assuming you mean the literal back alley... if not your wife may get upset
by dominathan at March 1, 2005 9:35 PM