don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you will cry, so just look at them and sigh

by mg at 05:41 PM on February 06, 2005

After a long season, the Superbowl will finally be starting in just a couple hours. The pre-game show has been on since roughly 3am last night. The Superbowl pre-game is probably the only time when 8 hours of drunken fans yelling “EAAAAGLESSSSSS” might be considered as national entertainment.

Last year Janet Jackson felt it’d be entertaining to show her boob. And it was. But that fleshy mass caused a ripple effect (or is that nipple effect?) that started around on Janet Jackson’s areola and spread to every media outlet in the country.

The Christian right used their righteous indignation at the perceived depravity to spur their base and ride into a second term in the White House and solid majorities in both the House and Senate. Radio and TV stations around the country are self-censoring anything that might be considered remotely offensive, and everyone is looking for a reason to get disturbed, so even an old hag can’t drop her towel without causing an uproar.

This year’s half-time entertainment will be provided by Sir Paul McCartney. Looking at Fox’s decision to pick McCartney is probably the safe safest decision they could have made for a performer besides maybe Lawrence Welk. Paul has already promised there wouldn’t be any “wardrobe malfunctions,” and it would be as safe a bet there wont as picking the Pats and the spread.

And it is exactly the fact that McCartney is such a safe choice today that makes the whole hullabaloo over Jackson last year so ridiculous. There was a time, and I’ll admit it was a 40 years ago, that McCartney, the Beatles, and rock ‘n’ roll were seen as a threat to an entire way of life. Adults in the 1950s and 60s thought if their kids started listening to the Beatles they’d do drink, do drugs, and have sex. They were right, but kids have always been kids, and if chamber music was hip with the kids today, they’d still be doing drugs and having sex.

In 1965 Lennon, McCartney, and the Beatles were on government watch-lists. People decried their songs with lyrics as incendiary as “I want to hold your hand” as corrupting the minds of youth. Their ear-length hair was a sign of a coming anarchy to adults. That McCartney, in 2005, is now the safe choice, just goes to show how silly any push-back against music, culture, and youth is.

Parents, nothing you do, whether getting Howard Stern off the radio airwaves, or making sure Sipowicz never shows his ass again, will stop your children and the society they create for themselves. You can’t win. You have as much chance stopping your kids as the Eagles do of stopping New England tonight. So, just give up now. Show porn on CSPN, play Lil’ John at school assemblies, and lets just skip church altogether.

Adults and parents (and I say this as one of you now): give up. It may not be Janet Jackson’s nipple on the Superbowl tonight, but it’ll be someone else’s nipple eventually, and for the rest of our lives. And when nipples become as commonplace as long hair, get ready for full frontal. You can’t stop it, and I am as sure that this will come to pass as I am in the fact that somewhere a member of the Jackson family is showing some body part to someone right now. It may not be on TV now, but it will be. And some day soon.