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You do not need to leave your room
by anna at 10:54 AM on January 30, 2005
It's amazing how much energy and resources people expend trying to separate ourselves from nature. It's the exact opposite of the Native American philosophy of communing with and integrating oneself with Mother Nature. I think it's Her sheer randomness that bothers us the most.
We have a room where dwells five chinchillas. They are messy as hell. They throw their bedding around and strew their room with turds. The sheer quantity of which astounds me. There are turds 6 feet fron the nearest cage. It is a health hazard. So every Sunday I do a perfuntory vaccuum job in there. I don't even try to get it all up. It's like I've decided there is an acceptable level of chinchilla shit in that room. This is in sharp contrast to the rest of my house, which is dust-free to the max. Each week I dust every surface and vaccuum every nook and cranny. I wipe the baseboards. I also marraud through the house armed with a plethora of germ-fighting sprays. I eliminate stains on the carpet and in the toilet bowls. I scrub the tub clean of our week's worth of bodily grime. I battle nature.
Today it snowed so my wife will trudge out to the driveway with her snow shovel. She'll shovel the driveway and our strip of sidewalk. She's battling nature.
In the Fall leaves fall on the lawn. We make it a family affair, me with the leaf blower and the wife and kid with the old-fashioned rakes. Their rakes actually work better, but like many men I prefer the more complicated power tool approach.
Throughout the Summer our grass grows. My wife and I take turns mowing it each week. There's one family on my block that doesn't mow. Neighbors resent them for it. The other day I chanced to see the couple. Both were in wheelchairs. I resolved to mow their grass next Summer. Not out of pity or largess, but because it is a messy eyesore that might attract vermin.
Vermin are merely animals we've deemed undesirable, unlike dogs, cats, canaries and chinchillas. Iguanas can be pets too. I have one. But in Florida they are considered more pests than anything else. I'd venture that nobody decides to solve their rat or cockroach infestation by declaring the varmints pets. Just as you can't solve your weed problem by calling the weeds desirable plants.
When I first moved to the suburbs a neighbor sauntered up to me and noted the dandelions poking up from my lawn. "You gonna use Weed n Seed or Weed n Feed to get rid of those," he asked. I had no idea what he was talking about. But I soon learned that suburban people don't care for dandelions. He leant me his spreader. I conformed.
The dust always comes back and settles on every surface. The chinchillas will throw their turds and bedding around. The toilet and tub'll grow grimy. The snow will fall on the shoveled driveway and sidewalk. Come Summer the grass will grow anew. In Fall the hated leaves will fall all over the place. Undesirable plants and animals will make their presence known. We'll continue our futile battle against the forces of nature. It's what we homo sapiens were put on this Earth to do. What a waste of time life is.
comments (16)
Lose the pets, have a concrete garden, a heated driveway, plastic trees in the neighbourhood, don't use the toilet and bath instead use somebody elses, stop shedding dead skin, and attach razors to the front of your neighours' wheelchairs and have them race around their garden.
Job done. ;)
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at January 30, 2005 2:01 PM
Excellent post. It brings to mind how quick we are to label people "insane" because they do not see the world in the same manner we do. We call these people that don't mow their lawns, preform hoe repairs and clean up every day a menace to society. But in the end they are the one who accept life for what it is and we are trapped in trying to achieve our pseudo-world.
by dominathan at January 30, 2005 5:49 PM
The visual of them racing around their yards with razors is priceless. But I am a bit puzzled about the hoe repairs reference. Did you mean ho repairs, like an episiotomy after a particularly zestful gang-bang?
I do dig the "trying to achieve our pseudo-world" though. I should of used that in the post, because that is exactly what I'm getting at.
by Anna at January 30, 2005 8:20 PM
>an episiotomy after a particularly zestful gang-bang
and yet one wonders why there are no women around BadSam anymore.
by not chris at January 30, 2005 11:46 PM
I'm surprised there were ever women around BadSam.
by mg at January 31, 2005 7:26 AM
Good point, I retract said reference with my apologies. But I've gotta go scrape the ice off my car so I don't have time to delete it.
by Anna at January 31, 2005 7:45 AM
I spend too much time 'looking' at the toilet paper, gauging whether I need to wipe further. Too much time. But in the end, it all goes under the 'relaxation/peace of mind' epoch...
tattoo of Audrey Hepburn on www.tradinganddrugs.blogspot.com
Remember about a year ago, I went nuts trying to 'laser' all my ink off.
Now is peace.
by LOCKHEED at January 31, 2005 4:27 PM
Toilet paper, Hepburn and tattoos. Triple obssessions. There's got to be a connection there somewhere.
by Anna at January 31, 2005 6:06 PM
I'm still around (sometimes) and female. However, if you continue talking about toilet paper and residue left in said product, you just might scare me away. :) I guess there's a reason why bathroom posts only appear about once every 2 months or so.
by Leaffin at January 31, 2005 10:42 PM
L, pleased to be commenting about the origin of your screen name, if any.
by Anna at February 1, 2005 7:42 AM
I apologize for the time it took me to come and correct myself here. That is actually a typo up in my last post. I meant to write "home repairs". It shows the importance of proof-reading, though I doubt I will begin proofing much that I write.
Besides I like where the ho-repair conversation leads :)
by dominathan at February 1, 2005 8:49 AM
The whole toilet paper aspect reminds me of a disturbing story. It is crazy what people will put on toilet paper. One Christams I was visiting my mothers and used the bathroom. As I was using the facilities I happenned to notice her toilet paper was not the normal, white, extra soft 2-ply I have come to adore. Instead it was cardboard rough and pictures of Santa's face. All I can say is I am glad she did not have small children around the house. If dealing with the fact the Santa isn't real can be traumatic, I'm not sure what touching his face to their nether regions would do to a child. There are someplaces even Santa shouldn't go.
by dominathan at February 1, 2005 9:18 AM
Amen. I've seen that stuff too. What's next, wiping your ass crack with a likeness of Jesus or Elvis?
by anna at February 1, 2005 6:25 PM
I especially like the fact you compare Jesus to Elvis. They were both trend setters and from my understand both partial to fried sandwiches.
by dominathan at February 1, 2005 6:53 PM
They also both had nice outfits. The only thing that can beat a sequenced jump suit, blue suede shoes, and cape than a dirty sheet, sandals, and crown of thorns.
by mg at February 1, 2005 7:38 PM
I think we'd all behave better if we wore a crown of thorns.
by Anna at February 1, 2005 8:59 PM