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only innocents need apply
by jen x at 09:08 AM on January 04, 2005
Once upon a time, a former coworker described me as virgin flypaper.
The sad thing is, it's true.
I seem to attract the innocent, the naive, the untested and the untried -- or if not the un-, then the next closest thing to it. In my past, there have been two virgins, at least three other virgins who requested my aid (as it were), and several boys whose experienced has been limited to one or maybe two other girls.
Apparently, I seem nonthreatening or something.
Granted, I'll admit I'm open-minded, easy-going, difficult to flap in the bedroom, and so am probably a good choice for teacher, but in all honesty? I'm not very interested in being a teacher. I barely have the patience to teach an experienced boy what it is I like and what gets me going. I find it tiresome to explain to boys over and over again, "no no, it's okay, you can bite me harder, you can scratch me, you can fuck me harder." I'm not good at the spoken word in the bedroom, and I seem to have difficulty finding the boys that read the body language.
This is where we move on to one of the boys I've been sorta seeing for awhile. I met him ages ago, he struck me as an over-eager little puppy dog, so we kinda went different ways for awhile, and now we're back in touch. I'm finding myself more attracted to him than I was before, but still... not totally convinced as to how attracted I am. In reality, if I have to put this much thought into it, I don't think I'm that attracted, but it's usually a slower-build for me anyhow.
Anyways, I'd been getting an overall innocent vibe off of this guy (who happens to be 4 years my senior), so I finally caved the other day and asked him how old he was his first time. His first time was at my current age. I did some math later on -- and said it to him -- that I've been having sex for over twice as long as he has. I don't necessarily consider this a badge of honour, but...
He showed me his place the other day for the first time. I was checking out the DVD collection that he had in his bedroom, and happened to spot a few porn titles -- likely soft-core at worst (one of 'em was a playboy tape). I started harrassing him about this all day, just teasing him and whatnot, threatening to tell his folks when I met them a half-hour later and so on, and this poor boy was actually half-embarrassed about it. Apparently he's never looked too closely at the counter in my bathroom, where I happen to have a waterproof vibrator half-hidden.
I finally gave him the link to the Whore's Boudoir, and we'll see how he does with that. He asked me (after some minor prodding) the other day what the craziest thing I'd ever done was -- I told him he'd better start with a more tame question. He claims that he's fairly open-minded and so on, and I'm sure he is, but really... he's an innocent.
So, I'm frustrated. It seems as though the boys that I'd like to meet -- the ones that have a few miles on them, who are open-minded and better-yet, experienced and interested in the ways that I'd like 'em to be -- are either only interested in flings, which I'm not, or are not attracted to me, or too arrogant or something... I don't know. I'm starting to give up on this whole meeting boys thing -- either that, or it's time to find either a nice boy, or one who meets my sexual needs. The problem is, given my past history and knowledge of myself, I know that if I wind up with an unsatisfying nice boy, I'm going to be straying.
Where is my kinky, experienced, monogamous nice boy?!
comments (23)
But of course, Ezy is taken. Devastating.
Yes, I commented on my own post first.
by Jen X at January 4, 2005 9:09 AM
I'm sorry Jen. But remember that I did offer to become a Mormon so I could take you on as wife number two. There are still splinter groups doing that sort of thing in Idaho. So, as I see it, the hardest things, to make this all happen, will be a) convincing Amy without getting killed and b) having to live in Idaho. Everything else is a piece of cake ;-)
Seriously though, I went through somewhat of the same thing and it took me quite a while to find Amy. I found that when I had had enough and said screw it, Amy shows up. The kinky, nice, experienced boys usually tend to be older. I didn't get a clue until I was 28 or so and didn't fully understand what I should until 30. You might be fishing in the wrong pond. Have you tried to have a go with someone in their early 30s? Guys, usually, are tired of the games and such by then. They've also been around the block a few times if they aren't total morons or hideous beasts.
by Ezy at January 4, 2005 11:00 AM
My problem with the older set is that I tend to be way too aware of the age gap. I'm 24, and mentally I just can't seem to break the 30-year old barrier.
I do have friends my age or a bit older who are kinky and experienced kinky, but one's taken and one isn't compatible with me (and I'm only into him for the kinky side, not really the rest of him, which isn't fair to him).
If I only wanted the kinky sex play, it'd be easier to find someone, I think. :P
by Jen X at January 4, 2005 1:17 PM
Yea, kinky sex play comes (ha!) at a dime a dozen. A meaningful, monogamous, emotionally fulfilling, kinky as a porno kind of relationship with a compatible person is much harder to find. It's out there though. Sometimes you have to wade through some trash to get where you want to be. I say just give up and the guy you're looking for will probably trip right over you.
On the other hand, how often do you deviate from your normal daily schedule. You could be stuck in a rut and aren't meeting enough new people. Widening your pool sometimes works.
by Ezy at January 4, 2005 2:08 PM
Jen X:- "I find it tiresome to explain to boys over and over again..." "you can bite me harder, you can scratch me, you can fuck me harder."
I consider myself fairly experienced, but I’ve still known women saying those things to me. Maybe I’m not good at all. I remember one time I hit bulk (Started laughing) because the audio was becoming too much for me, it's a complete erection killer, laughing I mean. Panting heavily, sweating, and trying to apologise for laughing uncontrollably saying, "Sorry, really, but you wanna do what with daddy's piece? And who the hell, *snort snort* is Mrs Raw?"
Maybe you gotta pump up the volume to attract the experienced guys? I’m probably wrong but I think maybe you’re the quieter, more resigned type of girl who would appear non-threatening to a cherry sporting mu-han. To be fair those types of guys can be shooed away by women with a simple stroke of an earlobe and a predator’s stare. Heh heh.
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at January 4, 2005 2:08 PM
Well, I've been doing the lavalife thing for over a year to meet new people -- in my daily travels, no, I don't meet anyone new. I keep trying, but I keep getting near giving up, too. Bah. :)
ECGN: You're right, I have the girl-next-door, "lookit me I'm so sweet!" look to me. Anyone who knows me knows it's a bunch of bullshit, and I generally do what I can to dispel that image fairly early on, but it's hard to come right out to people and say, "Guess what? I enjoy being tied up and flogged! Would you do that?", especially when I'm still coming to grips with it myself.
by Jen X at January 4, 2005 4:31 PM
I don't know Jen. "Guess what? I enjoy being tied up and flogged! Would you do that?" seems like the consummate ice breaker to me. I know it'd definitely get my attention.
Oh yea, I'm past the 30 mark so how were we going to break that barrier? ;-) Have you just been leading me on all this time?
I did the internet dating thing for a while and met quite a few women. They all turned out to be complete and utter bores, not to mention that their profile pictures must have been, at least, five years outdated. Maybe my profile didn't fully convey what I was looking for or maybe it did and they decided that we could somehow be compatible anyway, I don't know. The best one was the teacher who was a born again Christian. I'm not too sure how she missed the yes to alcohol, yes to drugs, and don't go to church section of my profile. Maybe she thought she could save my soul?
You should try a new scene. Put yourself in some new and interesting situations. It is perplexing though. Where do you meet people? The bar/club scenes are, pretty much, all meat markets with everyone looking for the latest lay and that's it. The grocery store, while I've been told is a great place to meet new peeps, just seems extremely lame to me. "Oh, you like pickles? Me too! Wanna go back to my place, tie me up and flog me?" You have me stumped. I just got lucky. Ten minutes one way or another and Amy and I wouldn't have even had a chance to try a relationship. Pure luck.
by Ezy at January 4, 2005 4:57 PM
The club scene is isn't it, a meat market. I know all but my first girlfriend have been the type who prefers curling up with a good book and a glass of wine, to going clubbing, getting pissed, being deafened, and getting laid. But clubbing does rrrock, and I'm gonna continue to do it while I'm still young.
There's a club here and its designated target punter is 30 somethings and over 40's. Me and mine have been twice, and both times I've found it utterly depressing watching these ageing people wearing clothes that don't match their bodies, and as they’re trying desperately to relive some past memory by turning up and dancing to a tune they had their first fuck to. The lights are that much dimmer than the clubs I’m used to, and they assist these decadents in looking, not good, but better than they do in good light. I shan't be clubbing when I look in the mirror and see a possible dad character staring back with a face that knows too much, crows feet wrinkles on the eyes and a brow that’s frowned too many times.
Anyway, curler uppers, you have any idea how rare it is you meet the curler uppers? The one glaring pitfall with having standers is that they have a voice, and it isn't long before you find yourself having to work extra hard to win over curler uppers who like you, but aren't sure you're just going to screw them and leave. Best place to meet the kind of people you want to meet is to go to the meeting places the kind of people you want to meet, meet. lol
And those who don't put a great effort into meeting new people have to be reaped from their work place, or pointed out to you by people who barely know them, but know enough to give you a name and a solitary interest of theirs to strike up a convo.
BDSM… Aaah the realms that scare me, rough sex is good, rough sex that requires safe-words and signals is ever so slightly intimidating to me. “You tore the flesh from my warrior, look at him, he’s limp. Didn’t you see the signal? I’d have used the safe-word but you strapped that gimp mask to my face and zipped up the mouth!”
I agree with Ezy, “I like to be flogged, would you do that?” Is a great line, and one that should be employed to meet like minded people, but probably best used in a place those like minded people hang out. :)
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at January 4, 2005 5:46 PM
I'm gonna strive to make shorter comments from now on, four lines or less. :) They're getting a little too long eh.
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at January 4, 2005 5:51 PM
Book stores. You guys got Barnes and Noble? They got sitting areas near where they keep the Penthouse Letters Volume 1-12 issues. For some reason you always see guys reading these in the aisle, real furtively. I'm guessing they've got a reason. But it still seems to me that it is an obvious icebreaker with someone who is into the nasty and perhaps more. There are any number of things you could say to a guy holding such a book.
by Anna at January 4, 2005 7:17 PM
We have Waterstones, they have a nice lil coffee corner where you can sit, and after a few minutes of silence next to complete strangers you can turn, look at the person next to you, and say: "So what'd you get?"
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at January 4, 2005 9:27 PM
Hey, reading about all trouble you guys have of finding rrelationships, I just had a great idea! Maybe you and Snaggle should get together!
What?
There's a problem with that?
Oh, right, you guys are in different countries.
by mg at January 4, 2005 11:04 PM
Hey, Jen, don't be afraid, you were made to, go out and get her... the minute you let him under your skin... then you begin...to make it better...
by LOCKHEED at January 5, 2005 2:49 AM
So go and makeup your big little pussycat eyes... pussycat, pussycat, I love you...
Got some old pictures of Lock on www.tradinganddrugs.blogspot.com
.... scroll a few posts down...
....I was but a youngster in these pictures...
by LOCKHEED at January 5, 2005 3:41 AM
i was thinking that too, MG! Great minds think alike! Alas, alas... However, I may not be kinky or experienced enough.
However if I do the math right.... Jen's 24, he's 28; he lost it at 24, which means he's been having sex for 4 years; Jen's been having sex for twice as long, so Jen lost it at 16. And I guess I lost it at 17.... but I may have to start over with the learning if there's a vagina involved.
by snaggle at January 5, 2005 2:27 PM
Not counting dogs and cats, Lockheed lost it to hooker at 25. But that doesn't count according to Anna, so I guess 26.
by LOCKHEED at January 5, 2005 3:40 PM
Dogs AND cats? Lock you must be more selective. And who am I to say what counts? I didn't know about the beastly lovin' at the time.
by Anna at January 5, 2005 6:18 PM
Jen lost it at 15, actually. I was a precocious and stupid child.
by Jen at January 6, 2005 7:47 AM
What's all this referring to oneself in the third person? Anna never does that.
Speaking of young love, an Alabama gal moved into my complex when I was 16. She had that accent and the bod and all that. She could buy beer without getting carded. We got together, after which she confessed to being---12.
I thought I'd never hear the end of that. And the weird thing was, it clearly wasn't her first time.
by Anna at January 6, 2005 5:59 PM
JenX, 20% of the men at having sex with 80% of the women. Women just like to bang successful breeders. Appearently you didn't get the memo. ;)
by fcsuper at January 6, 2005 9:22 PM
The weather sure is nice in San Diego. Great surf today.
by James at January 7, 2005 3:42 AM
FC, if that were true I think you'd see a lot more violence in the world. All that pent-up...whatever. Nevermind.
by Anna at January 7, 2005 7:48 AM
Word up to the precocious ones, Jen! I had sex for the first time when I was 16, and I beat myself up thinking that I was stupid for it for a long time. Okay objectively any parent or adult would have a fit over how all happened, but it seemed reasonable to my sixteen year-old mind at the time. I'll bet that you as a fifteen year-old thought you were being reasonable too :)
by jean at January 11, 2005 1:11 AM