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I don't know how it all got started, I don't know what they do with their lives
by anna at 07:11 PM on January 21, 2005
At my job there are 4 types of people. There are devoted old women who prattle on constantly about workflow, procedural matters and work product quality. They're called quality assurance specialists, formerly team leaders, formerly supervisors, formerly Your Damn Boss and You Better Not Forget It. As they drone on, drones make that blah, blah, blah hand gesture. Their job is to berate, nettle, judge, badger, pressure or otherwise bother the workers. Then there is the nameless, faceless mass of humanity whose job function is a mystery. You don't acknowledge these folks when you pass in the hall. If you've been around a while there's also a smattering of old hands left from the days when you were all single and got together for happy hour and sometimes a happy ending. You do say hi to these folks, often with disturbing images popping up in your mind.
In my case there are also a few genuine friends, people with whom I've spent time outside of work in recent times. One of whom is having a real tough time of it. She's this bubbly, perky ex-cheerleader. She wed her high school sweetheart and they have 1 kid. They live this incredibly affluent lifestyle with a Porsche, a BMW, Gucci stuff for the daughter, a fancy house and frequent dinners at finer restaurants. They drive their RV to racetracks where her husband races. Then, out of the blue, he announces that it's over. There's no single incident, no third party trollop according to him. So she's a soon-to-be single mom facing the prospect of a nasty divorce replete with the hassles of dividing up property and custody issues.
She isn't taking it well. She has started dragging herself into work, but mostly she just mutters in a monotone or sobs and sighs. At first she wouldn't tell anyone what the deal was, but eventually she confided.
I thought if we got away from our busybody office, I could gain some insight and maybe offer some advice or help. I asked her if she wanted to go to lunch on me. She just whimpers, "I'm not very good company these days." So much for that bright idea.
She's taking some kind of anti-anxiety med that further blunts her once-cheery affect. She snoozed through a meeting the other day. If this keeps up her career too will be in jeopardy. I'm at a loss as to what to do about her. So I've taken to ignoring her. I feel bad, but sometimes you're just at a loss. In real life, there's no script.
But I'm pretty sure I don't buy the hubby's story. Though she's put on a few lbs like most folks her age, she's still quite attractive and fun to be around. She supports his expensive car-racing hobby. She lets him go to strip clubs and sometimes goes with him. Perhaps more importantly, he stands to lose a bundle on this midlife crisis, if that's what it indeed is. What do you think? (I happen to know there's 36 of you onsite. Don't be shy, throw caution to the wind...)
He's a nice enough guy, real hard-working and earnest. She is a bit of a neat/control freak. She alphabetizes her spice rack. She makes the bed so tightly he feels like a burrito. She considers him a "messy sleeper." So...
comments (23)
Without the luxury of age to fully appreciate the beauty of mid-life crisis and the psycho-tsunami it unleashes upon relationships, I can only speculate. However, your scenario is interesting because this guy seems to have already done a pretty good job avoiding any possibility of adult onset entanglement.
First of all, he already owns a Porsche, the number one object of male menopausical desire. On top of that, he’s already “living the dream” racing cars by trade, and considering he married a cheerleader (who I’ll assume is pretty damn hot underneath 20 years of letting herself get comfortable with life) he was popular in his formative years and all in all has lived a charmed life. I’m pretty sure Hugh Heffner never suffered a mid-life crisis so what the hell is wrong with this guy? What more could he possibly need or want?
I think anyone who spends most of their day traveling at land speeds most humans weren’t designed for gets bored easily. I’d say you’re right Anna, his story is shit. Sure, he loves his kid, love(s)d his wife and has everything he desires except for that 18-year old cheerleader he once knew to inspire him or get him off (not particularly in that order). Once the papers are signed and the lawyers crawl away, I’m sure he’ll emerge with his new girlfriend who in the meantime is tucked away safely upstate studying her SATs so he can avoid the adultery rap and keep the Porsche.
I wonder, what would Michael Schumacher do? Here’s a guy who’s considered the best driver in the world, married, 2 kids, and well on his way to middle life. Stay tuned…
I guess it’s more exciting to appreciate what you don’t have when you’ve already had everything.
by caring is creepy at January 21, 2005 9:16 PM
I may be young, but I'd have to agree. Something is up. People for the most part arent completely random, and usually there is an ends to whatever means. It doesn't make sense to e to pick up and leave a happy relationship, unless just plain bored with it. Most people spend many years searching for that happiness, and he just leaves it?
Boredom is a possibility though. In my opinion nothing brings out passion like a good fight, an exciting arguement. Maybe it is this lack of conflict that got to him. A life of monotany and monogamy could be just a little too predictable? Nevertheless, if her perception is nothing was wrong at all, I'd be inclined to guess that there are serious communication problems in the relationship.
by dominathan at January 21, 2005 11:58 PM
HOW OLD IS DAUGHTER? that's the most IMPORTANT part.
Seems like both will be secure Financially, so that's okay too.
Anna, don't get any ideas! If you have to, just fantasize and do something in the shower. But don't GO THERE!
Asking her out for lunch, CMON MAN!????
by LOCKHEED at January 22, 2005 1:06 AM
I just had an idea for a short story in which a strange collection of voyeur type bloggers spy and monitor random strangers and then blog to figure out how their lives could be improved by their intervention. Each blogger hails from a different background and appears in the life of the target to do their work at random times and in haunts of the ‘target’. Odd...
Maybe this guy likes strip clubs because he likes to forget he has a wife and kid, maybe when he’s racing they're the last thing on his mind, and maybe when he is out drinking he is hit on by gorgeous replicas of how his wife used to look. And then when he goes home, everything is just a little too real. The house is perfect and sometimes he just wants to kick over that, what the hell kind of plant is it anyway? And mess the bed... Leave sprinkles of sugar on the sideboards of the kitchen and tell his wife to chill out with the order and routine already! Sounds like a go get em, I’ll do what I want kind of guy, and maybe his missus, to him, is just a little too ready to get old.
Heh... If I were you Anna, I'd just keep doing what your doing.
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at January 22, 2005 8:00 AM
Caring is Creepy, great points. And I love your screen name. The daughter is 13 and a handful. Oh, he doesn't race for a living, it's his hobby. But he has won some money to help defray the costs. The friend is just that. I have no designs on her or anyone else but my wife. I sincerely want to help her get past this, but I just don't know what to do or say. NCO, I might mention they dropped an astronomical sum on just the sort of decorator items you mentioned. But I guess it just isn't enough.
by Anna at January 22, 2005 8:53 AM
Mybe if they are so successful it could be a fear of failure? I mean it is a very pessimistic way to look at life, but when you are on top of the world there is no where to go but down.
Many people assume that poverty and chronic sadness come hand in hand. From what i hear though they have to ask those kids on the "Help save a family" commercials to stop smiling while the cameras are on. I am a dreamer and I am aware my dreams motivate me. Maybe achieving those dreams, finally getting a nice house with 2 cars, and 2.3 kids has made him believe there is little if nothing left to pursue.
by dominathan at January 22, 2005 9:05 AM
Well, it's a bit of a departure but sometimes people try to do too much sacrificing. Like after 9/11, they wound up with all that surplus donated blood. And now they've forgone flu shots per the US government's request to a point where they now have too many vaccines on hand. It too will have to thrown away cuz it spoils.
It remains to be seen if the unprecedented outpouring of tsunami relief turns out to be excess and winds up lining the coffers of tyrants who run some of those countries.
Sometimes you just need to look out for number one.
by Anna at January 22, 2005 10:38 AM
It sounds like looking out for number one is the best advice for all involved in Anna's office.
Now if only you could weave the theme of Anna's last comment into NCO's short story plotline you'd have a decent read on your hands...
by Caring is Creepy at January 22, 2005 12:09 PM
I think Dominathan got it right, if it was a total surprise to her that's a really bad sign. To me it implies a total disconnect in communication. She thinks everything if more or less fine, and he's walking around miserable enough to walk out on his family. I don't know if I would consider it boredom so much as misery. Looks good on the outside, totally broken on the inside.
by chris at January 22, 2005 1:25 PM
From what I've heard from her female confidante it wasn't a total shocker. He'd be gone and then be vague or evasive about where he'd been. And of course the telltale heavy workload.
by Anna at January 23, 2005 10:03 AM
Females... heh. Having a confidant means having someone you'll know will listen and offer the best advice for your well being, and, not tell anybody else. Best friends eh.
But females... heh, couldn’t keep a secret if lives depended on it, and the odd occasion they manage to keep schtum, you know they’ve been doing the: “I can’t tell you, but, guess and I’ll raise a brow if you’re close.” – The teasing, I know something you don’t know, thing. They thrive on it the lot of em.
When it comes to their own secrets though... That's a different story. :)
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at January 23, 2005 1:00 PM
Hmmm, I won't touch that one. But speaking of divorces, let me say I think Pat Buchanan is an intellectual zilch. However, he does make one good point. Most everybody believes that 1/2 of marriages end in divorce. Except one thing, they don't. This statoid was derived by noting that in any given year, there are roughly as many divorces as marriages. But those divorces could have begun in any number of prior years. Or in Britney Spears' case, any number of minutes.
by anna at January 23, 2005 1:23 PM
Most divorcees remarry too, so they're at least helping to maintain a balance, if the stats are to be believed.
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at January 23, 2005 4:06 PM
At work we have tables that calculate the likelihood of widows remarrying. These are for fatal claims. Past the age of 35 it is very rate for a widow to remarry.
by Anna at January 23, 2005 7:21 PM
That's quite saddening eh. :(
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at January 24, 2005 5:45 AM
All this talk of depressing statistics is making me hungry...must fill the void....ah here we go, this girl is an inspiration to all of us:
http://www.foodmarket.com/news/2005011701.html
It was a beautiful day for New Jersey, if she plays her cards right she'll be getting a call from Kevin Smith any day now...
ahhh happy thoughts..
by Caring is Creepy at January 24, 2005 1:12 PM
Competitive eating is ridiculous. It reminds me of the Chesapeake Bay Seafood House where you could get all you can eat crab legs for $22. You'd see these guys bigger than Badlands sitting there all alone gorging themselves. It was like they had to ensure they got they money's worth at the risk of death.
by Anna at January 24, 2005 6:36 PM
Are you a writer here? Then please post something. Now that Linz is gone, it's pretty much the MG and Anna Show. Speaking just for myself, I'm tired of reading my own drivel. Please throw something up on MT, especially if you're a gal.
by Anna at January 24, 2005 6:45 PM
I'm not a writer here, I've just been an occassional reader since I stumbled onto the site about a year ago. It used to be a thriving community of quick-witted topical banter. Recently it seems people either don't contribute or they leave.. it's become more of a little hamlet of quick-witted topical banter instead...
I dropped MG an e-mail about contributing but he said he needed to get to know me first. So I've gotta pay my dues on the comments or run a gauntlet or pass an IQ test. I'm lazy so I chose the former of the three in the meantime...
by Caring is Creepy at January 24, 2005 9:08 PM
Criteria #2: Are you a girl? Not that I have any say-so in the matter.
by Anna at January 25, 2005 7:43 AM
Why do I find Kate Stelnick, the petite college student weighing in at 115 pounds, that much sexier for having devoured an 11 pound burger? Gotta be something primal I'm yet to tap into, right?
by Ex Crimson guard NCO at January 25, 2005 12:31 PM
My sister went through something very similar a few years. They were about to go on a 25th anniversary cruise when my brother-in-law tells her it's over. He had not given any indication that anything was bothering him until the announcement and would never tell her his reasons afterwards.
Send me an email. Maybe my sister can give your friend some support.
by Thomas Pfau at January 25, 2005 2:39 PM
She doesn't seem to want any support. Like Greta Garbo she just vants to be alone. BTW Tom your b-i-l sounds like a major a-hole. And Crim, I admit I felt a little twinge down there too. It's like a gal that can shoot a gun or bait a hook.
by Anna at January 25, 2005 7:03 PM