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Eat a Peach
by anna at 06:42 PM on January 18, 2005
Giant Food is huge here in the DC area. Despite its higher prices, Giant’s sales dwarf those of Shopper’s Food, Safeway and Food Lion. The reasons are manifold: The prices keep foreigner who feel compelled to drag their unruly kids and entire extended families along for a grocery shopping jaunt away. The aisles are wider to allow for easier maneuvering around the harried double-stroller moms dawdling with their carefully typed grocery lists. And the cashiers aren’t surly. They are polite and efficient. They are also well paid because they are in a union, unlike the scabs at Food Lion.
That is why Giant is waging a mad campaign to get rid of them. First they put in these confounding self-checkout lines. Longtime customers are going to develop carpal tunnel syndrome from all that twisting wrist motion that scanning entails. Maybe that is why the self-checkout lines are almost always deserted while the manned ones have lines that snake all the way back to the dairy case.
They’ve also offered Peapod, which is a delivery option that is ridiculously cheap. For a mere $6 they will bring your groceries to your home and even haul the bags inside for you. You can place your order online. There is no way they are making money on this deal, especially when you consider that the delivery boy is union too. No, it’s all about unloading those high-priced cashiers.
Now grocery shopping is the one chore I refuse to do. The closest I’ll come is restocking my wine rack at Total Wine. So the onus falls on my wife. And she hates shopping for clothes or household items let alone the drudgery of grocery shopping. So for her, Peapod is a godsend.
Of course there are pratfalls. When you go to order fruit, they list the price per pound. Then it prompts you to select the quantity you want. Naturally one assumes it means the number of pounds. But it actually means pieces of fruit.
That is how it came to be that I arrived home from work to find a pear sitting on the counter, ripening. Not an au pair sitting on the counter ripening, mind you, but a pear. One lonesome Bartlett! I’m like, why would anyone buy a single pear? That’s not even enough for fruit salad or a still life painting.
So yeah it was a bit of a letdown that the final phase of our transition to total hermit-hood didn’t go off without a hitch. But it was nothing like the $69 absinthe debacle. You can buy this awful-tasting, greenish liquid all over the net. It’s supposed to be real potent alcohol with a wormwood psychoactive property mixed in. For $69 you get like two pints. There’s an elaborate ritual to prepare it. Then you sit, and wait. It’s reminiscent of times in your youth when you’ve taken a little something and you’re waiting to get off. But with absinthe nothing happens---at least not here at the hermitage. And with the ultra-high alcohol content, I was afraid to resume the usual Merlot-guzzling. Bah.
comments (29)
You don't like grocery shopping? It is the one chore I truely enjoy. It probably stems back to childhood, when I'd go with my mom and the neighbor family shopping every Friday night. While they were shopping, I'd wander around the store, exploring everything there was to explore. It never got boring, plus, I'd usually get to buy a magazine, or some candy. When I was in college, all the roomates would usually make shopping trips together. Now, the wife and I go grovery shopping together every week, usually to the same store that I went to as a kid. I look forward to it.
by mg at January 19, 2005 7:37 AM
If I lived in Queens like you i might agree. Markets there have character and stock some interesting goods for sure. But here it's all sterile and organized. And god forbid you want some random thing like non-frilled toothpicks. Nobody knows where to find those.
by Anna at January 19, 2005 7:43 AM
I've ordered cigarettes Online at like 3 am because I couldn't be arsed to move. But I usually prefer to go shopping at 3 am. Actually, going back to your last post, that's one thing I can say about this decade so far... Greater choice for the mundane activities! Can't beat wandering around immense super markets that are all but deserted, buying things you don't need like: 'Canned Coffee - Pull the ring and be amazed as the coffee within heats up.' I love that I can walk to something I want, open it, and wander around eating or drinking it as I buy everything else I need - or don't but buy anyway.
I want one of those fridges that you program as you fill and empty it; it orders what you need for delivery like milk and stuff so you're never short of anything, that's great! Hi-diddly-dee, a lazy life for me! I'd like to see toilets that monitor paper usage and order that stuff, I hate buying shit roll.
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at January 19, 2005 8:18 AM
Yeah I've heard of that stuff. It sounds all futuristic but so did cell phones, PCs and the internet not so long ago. But I don't like the idea of those machines knowing what you usually buy and beckoning you there as you maneuever through the aisles.
by Anna at January 19, 2005 6:28 PM
I hate the possiblity of disturbing you Anna, but your shopping habits are already being watched. Everytime you allow and item to be scanned and then say use your Safeway "Deal" card, it is recorded fro demographics and more.
The more is who gets to see these numbers, There was actually a acse recently of a young man being arrested afetr police suspected he was selling drugs. Their reason for the suspision? teh inordinate amout of little baggies he bought at Safeway. I guess the moral of the story is steal all the tools necessary to maintaining your niche in the underworld.
by dominathan at January 19, 2005 6:55 PM
Call me naive, but I don't think anyone can actually be arrested in America based on profile lists generated from grocery store purchases...otherwise close to 3 Million Americans would have been subpoenaed the week Fahrenheit 911 was released on DVD. In the "case" of little baggies guy, attorneys would have a difficult task convincing a judge to admit that kind of information (based on how it was acquired) as evidence. Then again, I think spouses can use internet porn caches as evidence of neglect in divorce cases so who knows.
But Dominathan has a point in that it's unsettling to realize that the recording and classification of behaviour as an industry is more alive than David Duchovney's acting career. If you're into conspiracy anxiety, here's an interesting site that breaks down the current knowns about commercial profiling:
http://www.epic.org/privacy/profiling/
The truth is out there...and it's watching you.
by winston smith at January 19, 2005 10:55 PM
The little men in my head are always watching what I buy
by Long time lurker at January 20, 2005 12:10 AM
Hey guys welcome. The baggie story doesn't surprise me at all. Stay tuned for my mext entry about my time in the underworld and the fluky way it all came tumbling down. Random, man, random.
Most likely the baggie data was brought to the attention of law enforcement who then began keeping tabs on Baggie Man, until they had enough solid evidence to present to a judge to get a search warrant. Of course, if they felt he was a security risk, the need for a search warrant can be bypassed altogether in these sneaky, unconstitutional Federal courts that meet in secret. I forger what the acronym is, but it's bad.
by Anna at January 20, 2005 7:48 AM
I am also among one of the people who loves to wander around grocery stores. In fact, whenever I get to a country I've never been to, that's always on my list of a place to visit. Down here, there are so many fruits and veggies that I'd never seen before. And packaging is interesting to look at.
Back in the States, my half-hour quick shopping trips usually turn into an hour or two. Then again, I didn't go shopping all that much there at the big store--- usually went to the neighborhood co-op on a regular basis, then visited the monster store once a month or so.
by Leaffin at January 20, 2005 2:49 PM
Leaf, aside from snagging hot hombres, what exactly are you doing down there?
by anna at January 20, 2005 5:45 PM
I like to travel, and I'm travelling for a year. Number one goal = learn spanish. I figure a year will help me out with that. However, I've gotten stuck at a beach here(definitely one of the best I've seen... deserted and gorgeous), and I've been working as an accountant at a backpacker lodge that's there. Been at this particular place for nearly 3 1/2 months, stretched out over 5 months (put in some travel time in the middle).
by Leaffin at January 20, 2005 7:01 PM
*envy of the young*
by Anna at January 20, 2005 9:14 PM
Hey, I've met people of all ages doing the same thing as me.. however, none of them have kids in tow. A few people I've met have sent their kids to college, and they've set off on their own adventures.
by Leaffin at January 21, 2005 7:30 PM
Is it safe to order OREOS online? Or do they still rip you off and give you mini-generics with about 8 per package? I inhale OREOS. 8 will not do!
by LOCKHEED at January 22, 2005 1:41 AM
Mini-generics don't cut it. But the double-stuffed ones seem like packaged diabetes. Leaf, I too have known some older folks who've just set out for adventure. One retired couple I know sold their big old house and bought this massive RV and just roamed the country. But they soon got bored. When his mom died they inherited her house and parked the RV in the yard. There it sits, rusting and neglected.
by Anna at January 22, 2005 8:57 AM
This Peapod needs checked into. I see possibilities here since I detest shopping of all kinds.
by Sol at January 24, 2005 6:41 PM
What about shopping for crap?
Gadgets you don't need, for example. Novelty stuff that's funny for a day, like a singing water melon that squirts water at folk when you tell them to look close at it's googly eyes. Am I the only one who sets aside crap money for buying... Well, crap?
TOTO Wrestling from gadget shop, as seen in Toy Story 2, whack away until one of the dudes' head pops up. Perfect for deciding whose turn it is to go for take away. Pinball drinking game? Launch the balls and drink a coctail made up of the drinks identified by the pockets the balls land in, if you're especially crap at it most coctails are like: Cider, Guiness, and JD. Mmmm. Gargle, swallow, death.
by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at January 24, 2005 9:15 PM
Peapod rocks if you're hermits like us. And yeah I love shopping for unnecessary things. Here in the states, it's Best Buy. I can spend all day staring at things and wondering what they do.
by Anna at January 25, 2005 7:46 AM
Just got back from Best Buy, where I stared at lots of things for my wife's upcoming B-day. Really. DVD players are getting real affordable.
by Anna at January 25, 2005 7:05 PM
My excitement is lifted from my digital cameras. Still crap for the most part when you buy them at %0 bucks a pop... but at least you CAN buy them at %0 bucks a pop now.
by dominathan at January 25, 2005 10:25 PM
I get excited by digital cameras. They are still in my opinion crap at 50 bucks a pop, but at least you can buy them for 50 bucks a pop now.
by dominathan at January 25, 2005 10:26 PM
I got one of the early digi-cams and it sucked. The batteries would last for like 3 pix. Now I have a new one that cost half as much and it keeps snapping baby pix forever. Got a printer doc too. They rule.
by Anna at January 26, 2005 8:39 AM
I'm waiting for the the digi-cam that takes pics, I can make my calls on, send email (maybe even post a reply or two on here) and does my laundry as well. Until that day I feel like whatever I purchase wil be outdated in a month or two. But then again, now that I am posting it on the net, Sony will probably relase it next week.
by dominathan at January 26, 2005 6:04 PM
Dude, are you really unemployed? I thought all Canadians were guaranteed jobs, like health care.
by Anna at January 26, 2005 7:20 PM
Haha, something like that. But it can be hard to find a job as a student, we spend all our time doing homework (and surfing the net). I am trained in the food service industry until I finish school and with teh cold weather, so the business get cold. Just a hrd time to get hired. Come april though ill be a wanted man amidst a bidding war.
by dominathan at January 26, 2005 9:38 PM
That does it. I'm coming up to Canada just so I can stroll into a Wendy's and encounter someone who speaks English fluently. Fuh-he-o-toogo? Huh?
Yesterday I took a road trip to Baltimore, where the women all call you "hon," as in "welcome to Balmer, hon." At Wendy's one of them was struggling to place her order with a Jamaican who sounded like Eddie Murphy imitating a Jamaican. It was a riot.
by Anna at January 27, 2005 8:58 AM
That is quite classic. I actually used manage a Wendy's in Banff, AB for about a year. The irony is though that we constantly were hiring immigrants. Thats not say they weren't intelligent people, but asking them to speak english was definately a long shot.
Sadly the store had to close. I like to think this isn't a sign of my management capabilities as much as the rediculously high rent, but I was only 19 at the time, so I really couldn't have been the best there was.
I actually remember trying to train one girl that spoke one word of english that apllied to our store. It was "sandwich". Trying to get her to put proper condiments on the sandwiches was exceedingly difficult, and it was not rare to see her put exactly what was asked not to be on a burger, in copious amounts. She was still employed theer when the store closed. Gladly I was not.
by dominathan at January 27, 2005 1:09 PM
The Baltimoron at one point said, "Are you mocking me, hon?" I think he was. You know those Jamaicans, mon.
by Anna at January 27, 2005 5:03 PM
Thought I'd point out the origin of the title. It is the title of an Allman Bros Band album released just after slide guitarist extraordinaire Duane Allman got mowed down by a peach truck in Georgia. Get it, Eat a Peach?
by anna at February 1, 2005 6:27 PM