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anna

I'd ask him what the matter is but I know that he don't talk

by anna at 10:16 AM on December 24, 2004

I'll now hurl this blurb into the yawning abyss that is the Christmas break lull. In the spirit of the season, should it draw no commentary, I'll view it as comment-free.

You might have noticed we've had some new commenting visitors of late. To wit: Fernando down in Argentina and Ex Chrimson NCO from god knows where. We welcome you both. You also may have noticed that at any given time there are 20-30 people on the site. Of those perhaps half a dozen comment frequently. Those same people are often the writers as well. So you could conclude that we have 25 mostly mute lurkers.

I used to lurk here. Like a perverted Aqualung peering through the gates at saucy schoolgirls, I watched without so much as a word. Eventually MG suggested some fresh blood. I emailed him and here I am.

My point is this: It must be odd for the web-surfer to run across this site. It's a truly functional group blog. It is apolitical. Like Seinfeld, it really isn't about anything in particular. And yet, it endures like those endless Friends reruns. You know, in retrospect, that show sucked.

Also, consider this: Assuming MG doesn't let his domain fees lapse, it will always be here; albeit tucked away in some archive that nobody looks at. Your kids might happen across your twenty-something musings and chuckle aloud. Fortunately all they would see is your duly recorded entries. They would not see you buns-up kneeling with somebody's root up your ass. Which is a helluva lot more than we can say for Pam Anderson or Paris Hilton. Their videos exist in cyberspace and they always will. Once it is out there, there's no way to eradicate it. It's like trying to stuff a busty Barbara Eden back into her genie bottle once you've summoned her forth.

Can you imagine trying to explain such a thing to your offspring? I know my kid sneaks a peak here every now and then. I've had trouble explaining some of the indiscretions I've confided to him. And those are just words, not vivid erotic imagery floating around for all to see.

The horror of it all.

comments (21)

I think it's safe to say that if there is a video of you taking it from behind, Anna, it wouldn't be making the rounds nearly as much as the Pam and Paris vids were.

by mg at December 24, 2004 11:49 AM


I felt compelled to argue that words are never 'just' words, and can be more powerful than any erotic imagery... But then I remembered what is was to be a twelve year old watching Lair of the White Worm with Amanda Donohue... God that flick messed me up something cool… I had nightmares for days, but also had a horde of new questions to ask adults about what it was adults did when kids weren’t about…

… I’ve watched the movie since and found it to be a bag of old badger crap. But my enduring memories of the many adults who caught the brunt of my childhood questions are some of my most precious. :)

I’m from Anglo-Land btw… Old Blighty. Have a Merry Christmas t’internet folk! I’m going to get royally pissed and to have sex with random women now (‘A’ ‘womAn’, more likely)… Avoiding those with rich Queen’s English accents for fear of becoming food for a white worm.

by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at December 24, 2004 12:00 PM


Having never seen those flicks, MG, I've nothing to compare mine with. Oh wait, that didn't come out right.

Every New Years' they post those In and Out lists. Increasingly I am not familiar with any of the references. That is how I felt reading the post above. So for those who haven't heard of that flick:

Editorial Reviews
Amazon.com
Wittily updated from one of Dracula author Bram Stoker's lesser-known horror novels, The Lair of the White Worm is a camp classic that only Ken Russell could have delivered. It's got all the perversity one expects from the bombastic director of Tommy and Altered States: sensible plotting, intelligent dialogue laced with double entendre, graphic imagery with Boschian intensity, and a mischievous disregard for good taste and decorum. In other words, it's heretically hilarious, especially when skeptical Lord D'Ampton (fresh-faced Hugh Grant, in one of his earliest films) begins to suspect that seductive neighbor Sylvia (Amanda Donohoe, game for anything) is connected to the local legend of a monstrous serpent that feeds on sacrificial virgins. Evidence mounts with the help of a local archaeologist (Peter Capaldi) and two endangered sisters (Catherine Oxenberg, Sammi Davis), and Russell infuses Stoker's grisly plot with his inimitable brand of blasphemy, including a gouged eyeball, a venom-splattered crucifix, Roman soldiers raping nuns (in a delirious hallucination sequence), and some of the funniest one-liners since Young Frankenstein. Prudes beware; everyone else…enjoy!

Hey Crimson, we love Brits.

by anna at December 24, 2004 12:15 PM


lol... I'm gonna rent the film again. Can't believe I've been avoiding those high clarity accents for, not just what was already a fairly stupid reason, but also a misinterpreted one as well. The opening sequence of Roman legions raping women is one of my most vivid childhood memories… Odd eh.

Off topic: Anybody else have a complete lack of receipts this Christmas? I couldn't find one amongst the wrapping paper... Some of this stuff is begging to be taken back to the shops. For reasons beyond all reckoning an uncle of mine has provided me with a copy of Mein-Kampf, which I’ve already read, only this one came with a 2 Reichsmark coin. What am I supposed to do with it? Start a collection? My brother got me some of the worst pulp sci-fi novels imaginable... Super-humans and green baddies... *sigh* The same brother to screw up Christmas Eve by sucking the face from a lass whose ex boyfriend still lingered - or I should say loomed, big booger he was - in the background. Nothing worse than being the big brother, especially when your younger sibling is oblivious to a gathering mass of dudes ready to kick his ass for hitting on 'the wrong' bird. Turned out to be a fairly nasty Eve in all... As testament to my non-pissed-ness I was online at 4 a.m this morning. Hope yall had a good one though. :)

by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at December 25, 2004 6:25 AM


Merry Christmas Anna.

No vids of me out there. Never found a girlfriend that was willing...

by chuck woolery at December 25, 2004 10:44 AM


Why thanks Chuck, same to you. Hey NCO don't leave us hanging. Did they wup his ass or not?

by anna at December 25, 2004 1:59 PM


No, I managed to gather a greater horde what with it being my regular nightclub and all. The situation boiled down to a standoffish glaring/threatening contest... lol... In retrospect it's pretty funny but at the time it was a complete night killer. Finding a taxi is usually a bitch but on Christmas Eve it's impossible unless you pre-booked in, fething, July! The two groups met again in the cold and the same shit started all over again. I gotta hand it to him though, she was worth it.

The only person to hit my brother was me, seeing the backup he had it increased the volume of his invincibility by a factor of ten, my loving tap returned it to normal. Bad night... Bad... lol

by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at December 25, 2004 2:31 PM


Americans could never get away swith calling women (womyns?) birds. It's such a Brit thing.

Kid: Mommy, why did you blow dad on that tape?
Pam: Where did you see that?
Kid: Some kid from school emailed it to me. He said he wanted me to do him like that.
Pam: That's it. No more computer for you.

by anna at December 25, 2004 3:17 PM


Well, I'm less concerned that offspring might find this than boyfriends. This has happened once, and didn't result in very pretty things. Though in a stroke of luck, this site no longer comes up on the top in a google of my name. Heh.

by snaggle at December 26, 2004 4:12 PM


Dude, that would suck.

by anna at December 27, 2004 7:42 AM


Ah, another BRIT? Crimson? Well, you must be all hoity doity with your roaring economy... I don't blame you... after the shot the ego, your little island has done quite well for itsef. Of course, I reside on a Behemoth, although with my elite swimimng skills and my Aqualung, I can reside in the ocean forever...

cheerio. lockheed

by LOCKHEED at December 27, 2004 11:57 AM


Ah, another BRIT? Crimson? Well, you must be all hoity doity with your roaring economy... I don't blame you... after the shot the ego, your little island has done quite well for itsef. Of course, I reside on a Behemoth, although with my elite swimimng skills and my Aqualung, I can reside in the ocean forever...

cheerio. lockheed

by LOCKHEED at December 27, 2004 11:57 AM


Our economy has been on the up and up for a while now... heh, and the longer we avoid the Brussels bear hug it'll continue that way. Just wait 'til the next election when the BNP start to win more seats than is common, you'll see a Labour government going crazy trying to turn this lil isle into fortress Britain to keep the masses of asylum seekers, real and fake, from flooding out of France to get here. If we had any other neighbour this wouldn't be a problem... But no, France! *spit* always the bloody french!

Can I get a visa to live and work in your aquatic civilisation?

by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at December 27, 2004 1:17 PM


Funny you'd mention the Brussels bear hug by which I guess you mean EU. We've always been suspect of any union that includes France Britain and Germany all those poorer countries.

by anna at December 27, 2004 6:11 PM


Crimson, you certainly can apply for a visa. We need not build cities sideways nor upward in the aqueous depths... there is room for many, however few are chosen...

by LOCKHEED at December 29, 2004 2:48 PM


UK is in the EU. but NOT the EMU(thus still pounds and shillings).

by LOCKHEED at December 29, 2004 2:50 PM


Aye, pounds 'n' shillings, farthings 'n' crowns. 'alf a crown'll get yu cup o' tea 'n' a nice chip buttie.

lol... Yes tis what I meant by Brussels bear hug... The arms are wide and ready to embrace us, and their eyes are primed, waiting for the almighty pound to hit the footnotes of history... Nooooooo, don't let it happen! Pur-leease!

by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at December 29, 2004 8:42 PM


Britain seems to be our friend. Everyone else in EU seems to be our enemy (except Italy.) Spain is the worst bunch of ninny cowards I've ever seen. Y'all should pull out. Let the strong survive and the weak perish due to their own ineptitude and indiciviness.

by Beavis at December 29, 2004 10:13 PM


We seem to be everybody’s friend... It is all a ploy! Little do you know that behind the scenes we're devising an army of simple-minded soldiers who stand posts and are trained to fall in the most dramatic fashion, we call them... Cobra Troopers! We are experimenting with Biomechanics to create the ultimate Battle Android Troopers, pure killing machines designed to... Fall in the most dramatic fashion! Then we're gonna rename this scepted isle... Yes... to Cobra Island! And Tony Blair is going to don a blue head cover with eyeholes cut into it. Yeees... You'll see, mua hah hah hah! We're going to devise some completely anal world domination scheme and have secret locations all named with Cobra in the title so that if the Americans counter our plan with a rag-tag collection of warriors they'll always know where to find us. Mua hah hah hah! It is foolproof!

Lockheed, I have to say, I was joking when I mentioned the crowns and shillings thing, I assumed you were to? We have pounds and pennies. Not been any shillings in these parts since the fifties my friend. :)

by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at January 5, 2005 12:33 AM


I have to think that a large part of the reason Americans, Brits and Aussies wind up fighting together these days has to do with our shared language. Sure we have have accent and slang differences but when it comes to "oh no drop that fucker before he kills us all," it's pretty univeral. Plus we all like be'ah, mate.

by Anna at January 5, 2005 8:16 PM


The Aussies are ever loyal to the motherland... As are the Canadians, mostly, who rarely get a mention for their part in the Normandy landings but who completely deserve it! They were also responsible for the 'trial' landings before Normandy, and they were cut to pieces by the Germans between the sea and a wall, which they all cowered behind for lack of anything else to do. Lessons learned at the expense of Canadian lives... Yes, always support infantry with artillery. As with Omaha you Americans screwed up royally by not getting a single tank on the beach… While the Brits were supping coffee on their beach not realising Hitler’s own Panzer division was trundling their way. Tea, ever the bane of the English *sip sip*. But Omaha beach seems to get the most coverage because of the fuck ups... Hmm?

I read in the The Times that 30,000+ Brits have moved to Australia in the last three years alone. A mass exodus to escape the influx of Muslim asylum seekers and the ever changing face of our island. PC has driven British culture underground somewhere, and you can't fly the flag with it being identified as a racist symbol. Sad. Apparently everybody in Aussie walks around with a smile on his or her face, and the ever nagging thought that you'll get stabbed as you stumble home pissed doesn't, apparently, enter your mind. Which it does, apparently, if you live in Britain.

English is the greatest language this planet has ever known... And it will spread to every corner of the world... Mua hah hah hah!

by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at January 5, 2005 10:16 PM