« and even if my house falls down, i wouldn't have a clue | Main | Friday Wisdom »
Suck on lollipops or popsicles. Constantly.
by anna at 06:31 PM on November 10, 2004
Like an old married couple we here as BS sometimes get embroiled in heated political debates and forget about what's really important: nookie, wild thing, boot-knocking. I'm here to rectify that temporarily.
For several years now my age has exceeded my number of sexual partners that I can recall. This, in my mind, is a good thing. I'd never want to go back to single life. Hated the worries over unpronounceable diseases, pregnancy, the uncertainty and awkwardness of first dates, all of it.
Women in particular aren't always honest about their numbers. In Bring the Pain, Chris Rock addesses this issue. He says ladies don't count the fling down in Jamaica or guys they met at the club. Random dick doesn't count. Any more than straight guys count paid sex, trains or the occasional homosexual tryst.
Some folks are as plagued by insecurity about their number as they are about sexual frequency. Too low a number means you haven't played the field and thus may not know what you're missing. Too high a number and it either means you can't sustain relationships or you're as discerning as an alley cat. (Sorry, Ezy. And you too, Linz, with your diary.)
Tammy Imre has been having a torrid sex affair with an 8 year old boy. Imagine the uproar if their genders were reversed. As it is, it kind of sounds cute.
Ever read those Penthouse Forum stories under the Somebody's Watching category? It's always a variation on the same sordid tale. Some guy's wife or girlfriend is making it with some well-endowed stud. He happens upon them and finds it immensely titillating. It's never the other way around. I don't think gals would find that to be much of a turn-on. They'd just see their SO cheating on them with some slutty rival. It goes to basic differences between the way guys relate to guys and gals relate to gals.
Lastly, this generational observation: Back in my day, everyone who dated had sex. By which I mean conventional intercourse. Other variations were reserved for that special someone. Now I hear it's the other way around. Middle school gals dispense oral favors with all the forethought once given to a goodnight smooch. And there's those "anal virgins" who take it up the butt but nowhere else. That is saved for marriage. Very strange.
comments (24)
Don't know anything about sex. Part of me is conservative, lost my virginity as late as 25 to a prostitute, yet that sounds sleazy. Never had sex with anyone else, barely ever kissed a girl until my fiancee, which is still a recent thing. Pretty pathetic... girls were always nervous around lockheed... dunno why... good enough looking to be asked to double as Keanu Reeves in the last Matrix, yet couldn't even get a 'kiss' in college, nevermind high school. So with that said, I guess I'm still pretty conservative when it comes to sex.
As for another thing, does anybody know what happened to the euro today? I just want to know if the common public has any interest at all.
by LOCKHEED at November 11, 2004 1:53 AM
Prostitutes don't count.... 38.
by anna at November 11, 2004 8:04 AM
This is very sad but I couldn't even begin to count, with total accuracy, the number of women I have been with. I would have to put it in the upper 90s or maybe even topping the century mark. The only good thing about all of it is that I did use protection on every one night stand. I know that it's the ones you know that usually get you but I am somewhat proud that I protected myself somewhat. I get tested for STDs every year during my physical and to date I'm clean. Then there's HPV.
"Approximately 20 million people are currently infected with HPV. At least 50 percent of sexually active men and women acquire genital HPV infection at some point in their lives. By age 50, at least 80 percent of women will have acquired genital HPV infection. About 6.2 million Americans get a new genital HPV infection each year."
This tidbit of info above is from the CDC. Google it. For guys it's not a problem at all unless you contract genital warts and your member looks like it's growing some strange form of cauliflower on it. For women it is a whole different story. It can lead to cervical cancer. Any OBGYN worth their salt should be able to identify it with a PAP smear though. Scary stuff.
by Ezy at November 11, 2004 10:31 AM
I also find the whole "dating" thing to be humorous. I know a lot of women who wanted to just fuck a guy and would "date" him for a week or so just so they could do the deed. I never understood why they didn't just fuck them and get it over with. Why go through the whole get together and break up when all you wanted was sex in the first place? It doesn't matter whether you "dated" or just fucked 50 men. The end result is the same.
Oh, Anna, it my high number wasn't because I couldn't sustain a relationship. I just wanted every hot looking, and sometimes not so hot, woman I saw. Add alcohol or certain drugs to the mix and you have yourself a dog. I wish I could go back and do some things differently though.
by Ezy at November 11, 2004 10:42 AM
This is something I do think about a lot -- my 'number.' I haven't given my current number to anyone in awhile, but since it's still less than my age, I apparently don't have too much to worry about.
I've had two accidental one-night stands, and they weren't experiences I was looking to repeat. My problem is that, at least at this point, I have yet to have really awesome sex with someone I wasn't at least somewhat emotionally involved with, so I don't bother doing the bar-jumping thing. Not to mention, I'm not the scrawny little 16-year old with no stomach who gets picked up in bars. My one and only experience being picked up was on Valentine's Day last year, at the end of the night.
My last few years of dating have taught me that I really don't like the dating scene. I miss having a boyfriend, I miss being in a relationship, and I miss having great, regular sex.
by Jen at November 11, 2004 11:24 AM
I don't like talk about numbers. Lets just say it is higher than the temperature on a December morning in Juneau (celsius) and lower than the U.S. national debt.
Lock: Is the euro some kind of pastry?
by mg at November 11, 2004 12:57 PM
I used to do pretty well in bar scenes. I was never, by far, the best looking guy in the place but my group of friends and I would just have a blast. That attracted some women wondering what was so funny and why we were having such a good time. Another thing I'd do is find a great looking woman, with all of the vultures circling, and catch her eye for one drawn out look. Then I wouldn't look that way again for the remainder of the night. Better than 50% of the time the woman would find a reason to approach me. I guess she was wondering why, with all of these guys circling her and gushing out their best pick up lines, this one guy wasn't paying her any attention. Go figure.
Jen, how exactly do you have an "accidental" one night stand. I have to know or I will get no sleep tonight. I thought I was your boyfriend :-( That's what I've been telling Amy anyway.
by Ezy at November 11, 2004 2:07 PM
So that's what that weird growth is. Jen's comment is fascinating on so many levels. Like, getting picked up on Valentine's Day at the end of the night. Have to wonder if that might be one those accidental ONS's. And MG, I'd peg you as one of those serial monogamists with a number around 10-12. Linz, no comment? How 'bout that chick shagging the 8 year old?
by anna at November 11, 2004 6:49 PM
by anna at November 11, 2004 6:55 PM
*grin* No, getting picked up on V-Day wasn't the accidental one-nighter -- it was a subsequent two-date/this kinda sucked/only a peck involved/have a nice life pick-up.
The accidental one-nighters... one was with someone I'd been seeing for awhile, he ended things before we slept together, saying that he wasn't looking for a relationship. A few days later, I decided I would go ahead and sleep with him, and then it was so bad that neither of us called the other again.
The other one -- a coworker (that I don't ever see at work anymore because of our schedules) that had always joked back and forth with me about sex... ran into him one night on lavalife, figured what the hell? and went for it. So bad that I don't want to repeat -- he doesn't seem to realize it was bad, 'cause periodically he tries to get me to go again.
Ezy, don't worry, you are my boyfriend... but if you're allowed to be married, I'm allowed to still see other people, n'est ce pas? :)
by Jen at November 12, 2004 7:47 AM
Ok Jen, but only if you reserve that special position for me only. Deal? Oh, and that you speak only in French during our "sessions." K?
Shit, at 8 I was still trying hard to hit the damned toilet bowl instead of the floor, not thinking about shagging some woman. I would've been scared to fucking death probably.
I did lose my virginity to me seventeen year old baby sitter when I was thirteen though. That was cool. Talk about envious friends.
by Ezy at November 12, 2004 9:34 AM
I don't know Ezy, as hot as I'm sure you were at 13, I really don't think I could've done you as a 17-year old. Yeesh.
And here I thought my 15 to a 21-year old was a big gap and young age. Guess not.
Et bien sur, je promets que je parlerais francais pendant que nous faisons l'amour speciale.
I'm too lazy to put in accents; pretend they're there. :)
by Jen at November 12, 2004 1:07 PM
Like a non-Cockney English accent, even typing in French confers sophistication. Not that I know what it means.
by anna at November 12, 2004 6:09 PM
And for sure, I promise I will speak French when we make special love. :)
by Jen at November 13, 2004 10:39 AM
I don't know if anything could creep Ezy out but maybe that would. It's tough because you don't know what it means. What is French for, "Have you put it in yet?"
by anna at November 13, 2004 11:12 AM
Umm... coupla different ways to say it.
"Est-ce que c'est la encore?" -- is it there yet? (accent on the a)
"As-tu l'inserer encore?" -- have you put it in yet?
Better would probably be, "As-tu commencer deja?" -- have you started yet?
Granted, I'm not perfect in French, and I'm sure there are less awkward ways to say it, but...
My favourite was still when I was working in Chapters, a big book store similar to a Barnes and Nobel, and I found a German phrase book. It was organized by subject -- food, hospitals, hotels, etc. -- and it had a sex section. One of the phrases? "I can't get it up -- sorry." I just thought the tacked-on "sorry" was a riot.
by Jen at November 14, 2004 11:15 AM
I suppose I've told of the time someone said to me, "You're not supposed to thank me for that. It's embarassing enough as it is."
by anna at November 14, 2004 3:51 PM
Oh, you have to tell what "that" is.
by Jen at November 15, 2004 9:21 AM
See the title.
by anna at November 15, 2004 6:02 PM
Spell it out for me, anyhow. I'm just that dumb lately -- vacation, you see. :)
by Jen at November 18, 2004 1:11 PM
Sucking dick.
by anna at November 18, 2004 8:01 PM
I thought perhaps, but wasn't sure if I was putting all the pieces together in the right order. Why would sucking dick be embarrassing for someone?
by Jen at November 21, 2004 12:37 AM
It would be for me. Just too close to salad-tossing. "When it's ass, you know it's ass."
by anna at November 21, 2004 10:21 AM
Bah, I enjoy it and I enjoy being good at it. I sees no problem.
by Jen at November 21, 2004 11:25 AM