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anna

Memorizing politics of ancient history

by anna at 09:47 AM on November 20, 2004

Everyone is bisexual. -noted something-or-other Gore Vidal

So I ask my son what he know about Alexander the Great. He's been studying ancient history. He says he was a fierce warrior and battlefield technician who conquered all the known world in like 500 BC. He carried on a torrid affair with ancient hottie Alexandra of Alexandria. He was Greek. She was Egyptian. There was some politcal element to their relationship. When he died, there were no heirs so he split up his empire among three top generals. What, no sons?

That's right, all that cross-Mediterranean cavorting produced no offspring. Remember, they didn't have condoms, dental dams or the Pill back then. What are the odds of that? Could Alexandra have played Claudia Schiffer to Alexander's David Copperfield? It's a relevant question because a team of Greek lawyers is threatening to sue Warner Bros Studios and Oliver Stone because Alexander depicts him as bisexual.

There's an old joke that goes: How do you separate the men from the boys in Greece? With a crowbar. The implication being that Greek men have a thing for young boys' butts. It could have some origin in truth.

I remember reading that in ancient Greece, it was an accepted practice for a man to take a wife, a mistress or two and a houseboy. Perhaps the women of the day didn't go in for back door action, I don't know.

This lawsuit is a classic case of trying to impose latter day morals on a time when no such things existed. (See: Caligula.) Up until the sixties most people tried to pretend that homosexual activity didn't exist. I once asked my mom if she knew Liberace was gay from the first moment she laid eyes on him. She said no, we all just assumed he was flamboyant. Flamboyant! What about screen idol Rock Hudson? She said she still doesn't believe he was rocking Jim Nabors' world.

Also, if ol' Al indeed had a houseboy like so many of his peers, that wouldn't make him bisexual. Depending on the lad's age at the time the boo-fooing allegedly took place, he'd be a pedophile. Wouldn't that be much worse?

My coworker believes that sooner or later, pedophiles will come to be viewed as proponents of another alternate lifestyle. And while I staunchly disagree with him because of informed consent issues, there is a precedent for it in ancient Greece. To say nothing of the fact that the ACLU has defended NAMBLA's right to express its twisted views on pro-pedophilia websites. Free speech, doncha know.

comments (9)

Note: I realize that dental dams don't prevent pregnancy. I just try to work references to these ridiculous contraptions in whenever possible. Seems to me that to be effective the girl would have to get choked or have a very weak gag reflex.

by anna at November 20, 2004 10:06 AM


Alexander of Macedon obviously had boyfriends. Of course, the fiercest ARMY or Battle Unit of all time was known as the SACRED BAND, where they would pair up the MALE COUPLES and make them fight side by side, thus their love for protecting each other was so FIERCE, that they were the craziest soldiers to battle with...

I have Alexander of Macedon tattooed in Hebrew on my left forearm. I chose Macedon, because that was 'before' he became great. And of course, my name is Alexander.

In other news, it's raining and cold in Manhattan, it's the weekend and it sucks, and I'm starting to believe that I try hard all my life, but somehow make the weirdest decisions at the wrong times, so I amount to less than nothing. In any case, if you have anything 'NON-FCC-KOSHER' just post it on my blog: www.tradinganddrugs.blogspot.com it's got a lot of good pictures and is written by my porecelain doll.

by lockheed at November 20, 2004 3:37 PM


The SACRED BAND would be akin to you and your wife battling together against a common foe, or if you were battling with your brother against some enemy... I WOULD KILL for my BROTHERS, and fight way past DEATH for them.

by LOCKHEED at November 20, 2004 3:39 PM


Not to GO WAY off subject(sorry Anna), but I forgot to mention on PUDDLE OF MUD(Anna's other blog)... Marshall Tucker Band stuff, Yes, oh yeah, and any NYC BadSammers, Muhammad Ali is going to be 'SHAKING HANDS'(no pun intended) at the BARNES and NOBLES on 66th Street and Broad(upper west side) on December 2nd. Kinda cool I think. right down the street from me.

by lockheed at November 20, 2004 3:58 PM


...Is Homosexuality exceptable if it's with your brother, or sister upon sister? YEAH>>>>>>. crimson and clover.... my, my such a sweet thing...
TOmmy James also, um Up on Cripple Creek-the Band... Mitch Ryder and the detroil Wheels... Devil with a blue dress..

by lockheed at November 20, 2004 8:03 PM


I'm with you on Marshall Tucker and Tommy James. As for Al, I think him having boyfriends (no pun intended) adds character to what would otherwise be another dreary period piece about large-scale killing. Gladiator, Braveheart, uh, yawn.

by anna at November 21, 2004 10:19 AM


I guesss the 'GAY' issue is no longer 'CHIC'...nobody seems to comment on it anymore... well, like all fads... 'cause I need you...I'll treat you right... come with me baby...be mine tonight...... pretty woman, don't walk on by...'''''

by LOCKHEED at November 21, 2004 12:02 PM


The "sacred band" is really not much different than how the US Army is trained. In basic training you are paired with a "battle buddy". Sleeping with him is optional; just don't tell anyone, if you do. Over the course of basic, when you screw up your battle buddy pays for it with you and vice versa. This usually forms a very strong bond between the two akin to the "sacred band" concept. It gets a little different when you get to your permanent station but you still formed strong bonds with certain people and would give your life for them if the situation arose.

Nah Lock, I don't think that the so called "gay issue" doesn't have the power to incite comments. I just think the Jerry Falwell crowd hasn't googled their way here yet.

by Ezy at November 22, 2004 1:49 PM


I've since learned that Al's affair wasn't with a boy but a man his own age, something unusual back then. Then again, who was going to call him on it? And there was a son but he got offed along with his mom, possibly by Al. Shit.

by anna at November 23, 2004 7:50 AM