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Driving in cars with boys
by anna at 07:30 PM on November 22, 2004
Funny how inextricably our self-images are linked to the cars we drive. Take the quintessential "chick cars" like Volkswagen's Gulf and Cabriolet. It's not just any chick who drives these. She's got her hair cropped fashionably short like Brigit Fonda in Single White Female. She views herself as spunky or feisty, like the young Mary Tyler Moore who so infuriated boss Ed Asner ("I hate spunk.") She speaks in that slightly throaty, smart-aleck voice embodied by the girl who does those VW voice-overs. "In life there are passengers and there are drivers..."
There are flashier cars for older, more sophisticated ladies. These include the Lexus, lower-end Mercedes and BMW and Corvettes. You seldom see a homely gal behind the wheel of a Corvette. Corvettes are also the classic remedy for men's midlife crises.
A persnickety sort chooses a Honda or Saab. He or she speaks of resale value, warranties and reliability. They balance their checkbooks to the penny. They have investment portfolios. They carry around daily planners and actually use them. They're on waiting lists for things. They rotate their tires and write in for rebates. A related type is the Volvo owner. They talk about crash safety ratings. Secretly they hope to get in a wreck with you so you can see just how well their battle tank performs.
People who drive such oversized monstrosities as the Chevy Tahoe, Lincoln Navigator or Hummer do so for similar reasons. They relish riding up high, looking down on the rest of us. And like the Volvo owner, they figure that by virtue of sheer tonnage alone they will fare well in the event of an accident.
There's a permanent underclass comprised of menial laborers, petty criminals and illegal aliens. They buy cars based on 2 criteria: 1) It is cheap. 2) It runs. These are nondescript jalopies (Hoop-D's in street parlance) that often boast mismatched quarter panels. Hoop-D owners pride themselves on not having a car payment. But every few months they get socked with a repair bill equal to several months payments and far more unpredictable to boot. This is why the poor stay poor.
It's a shame they don't know how to work on cars like muscle car owners. These guys drive souped-up old Camaros, Z-28s and GTOS that run on leaded gas. I envision them converging on this one illegal gas station in like Oklahoma that still sells leaded gas. They sit at stoplights revving their powerful engines still measured in cubic inches not liters. The car quakes on its fat back tires and skinny front tires. When it turns green they tear off leaving you in the dust. They dart in and out of traffic and you meet up with them a mile down the road at the next stoplight. These same infantile men enjoyed their heyday on high school football fields. They still hang around the school hoping to pick up young lasses entranced by their cars. They are delusional.
Muscle car owners have another car, or actually a truck. It has those mud flaps emblazoned with "Back Off" and that decal of the guy pissing on something. They are as fiercely loyal to their make as they are to some cheap domestic swill of a beer.
Motorcyclists and convertible owners view themselves as free spirits who but for their humdrum jobs and commitments would be roaming the countryside like Jack Kerouac in On the Road. They too are delusional.
Don't even get me started about those guilty of DWO; or those middle-aged women who drive little pickup trucks with stickers about what PMS-prone bitches they are; or...
comments (6)
I like Toyota Camrys. Reliable, affordable... not vain. not humble. the way.
by LOCKHEED at November 24, 2004 6:47 AM
I'll stick with my Geo Metro. 50 MPG, baby. But seriously I'm thinking of getting one of those hybrid cars. You can whizz along alone in the HOV lanes. How cool is that?
by anna at November 24, 2004 7:53 AM
Ahh yes, my beloved little MGB GT. I pretend that it somehow reflects my personality, and I guess it does: the grossly impractical side.
by Adam at November 30, 2004 7:32 PM
I take it that's a sports car. When my sisters turned 16 my parents bought them both an Austin-Healey 2-seater. Just one. This is a very bad idea if your a parent.
by anna at November 30, 2004 10:49 PM
I think the idea that cars somehow reflect one's personality is a very American notion. In the UK, you don't see nearly the marketing of "car=lifestyle" like you do here. Oh, there is a good amount of adverts for flashy cars in young gents mags like GQ and Esquire, but it's not all over the telly and all quite so much. One reason may be that many families in the UK don't even own a car, or it is also quite common for there to only be one car, replaced maybe every 15 or 20 years. American friends are always surprised there are so many Mercedes and BMWs in Europe. But the thing is, while these are expensive makes, most Europeans don't go out and buy a new car every 2 or 3 years. My father would replace the family car every 10 or 15 years with a new one, and by "new", that usually meant one that was 2 or 3 years old. For one thing, of course Europeans drive much shorter distances, and don't put as many miles on the car every year. Yet there is also the notion of buying something of high-quality and using it for as long as it's servicable. There's not really this love-affair with autos. People seemed to admire someone who kept his old Mercedes sedan in tip-top shape, not necessarily someone who traded a car in every year for some trendy make. And for a long time, the idea of a "car payment" was pretty foreign in the UK. You took some out of your savings (which you had since you went 15-20 years without a car payment) and just bought a new car outright for the sale price. I'm pretty sure my Dad never had any car payments.
This may be why I'm so practical today. I couldn't really care less what I drive. I bought a new Honda Civic when I started school in 1996 and still drive it today. I knew I would need something practical and reliable for Dallas, but that's about all I cared about. It only has 45K miles. It's looks have faded a bit, but I imagine I will drive it for a few more years. My wife drives a similar vintage Toyota. Neither one of us has had a car payment in 5 years, and when it comes time to get a newer car, we'll probably just find a nice late-model used car and pay cash for it. I do sometimes admire these flashy, pretty new cars - but I don't want one bad enough that I'd want to actually go into credit debt for it. We save about half our income, so my hope is when we get ready to buy a house, we won't even have to finance that - or at least won't have to finance the bulk of it.
Not that that's right for everyone, but I think car-marketing fever is probably the single biggest rip-off
by Charles at December 2, 2004 2:23 AM
My dad did that too. He'd buy high-end Mercedes and keep them for years. But one day he traded it for two flashy Cadillac Eldorados. Never understood why. Try pulling up at your date's house in on of those boats.
by anna at December 2, 2004 7:57 AM