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anna

What an asshole

by anna at 06:59 PM on October 26, 2004

We've all got assholes in our lives. Usually they are in-laws, spouses of friends or coworkers. We do our best to weed them out but sometimes there's just no way around it. Today I will address this matter.

What is an asshole? Well, as the term is commonly understood, an asshole is abrasive. Assholes are often arrogant. They love to pick fights and arguments. They lord things over others. They're know-it-alls. They call undue attention to themselves. They thrive on conflict and animosity. They make the rest of us very uncomfortable.

Bill O'Reilly is an asshole. So is Kobe Bryant, Rosie O'Donnell, Rush Limbaugh, Kathy Lee Gifford and yes, John Kerry and George Bush.

Assholes often report having had "personality conflicts" with others, especially their superiors at work. After years of hearing about this, one concludes that the personality conflict is simply that theirs happens to suck.

Assholes lack self-insight, a key trait for personal development. You can lecture them all you want and they'll never change. They never saw those rolled eyes and hand gestures indicating the displeasure of others at their antics. Yet they are masters at projecting their own interpersonal definciencies onto others. Hence the "personality conflicts."

I once handled a case for a client who was a clinical asshole. You could call up her permanent record and see a litany of evidence of her assholery. She'd been bounced from several schools. When she landed a job at a ritzy hotel they kept having to move her around the departments because she couldn't get along with others. She'd had a series of failed relationships. She'd been reprimanded for getting drunk at a company Christmas party and dancing on tables and bearing her ample boobs. Her employer suspected her of running a side racket with the rich Arabs who frequented the hotel, bringing new meaning to the word hospitality.

Handling her case was a nightmare. She was constantly adding new medical complaints and dreaming up excuses why she couldn't work. But I'm used to that. What I wasn't prepared for were her hour long complaint messages left overnight on my boss's voice mail. If you ever have a claim, a word to the wise: never do that.

Naturally the situation deterioriated into one of those chicken and egg scenarios: Were we taking every opportunity to undermine her claim for being such an asshole? Or was she being such an asshole in response? See the permanent record above.

Finally she confided to me that she felt convinced that we were singling her out for mistreatment solely because of her asshole status. Of course I told her that wasn't true, this is just standard operating procedure for claims. But she wasn't buying it and went on to repeat her scurrilous allegations to the Big Boss. Bad idea.

I guess it comes down to who is entitled to protection in our hypersensitive, politically correct environment. Do assholes join ditzy blondes, hillbillies and lawyers as the only groups upon whom it is still okay to heap scorn and ridicule? Or should we celebrate our differences?

comments (5)

Hmm. Has she no 'psychological' diagnosis? She might be histrionic or have some sort of anxiety disorder. Would that help her claim? Not that Lockheed is on her side of anything, good people come and go, but assholes always remain the same.

by LOCKHEED at October 27, 2004 1:13 AM


I'm trading European hours now. So I'm working from 12am to like 9am. It's twilightzonish. So I blog while the rest of you sleep. Monthly MTA pass will be 86 bucks instead of 70 bucks next year. What a crock of shit. MG, do you use a monthly transit card?

by LOCKHEED at October 27, 2004 5:23 AM


Well they never administered the MMPI. But if I had to guess, her true diagnosis would fall into the passive-aggressive, borderline hystrionic area.

by anna at October 27, 2004 7:43 AM


Like most everything in biology, I think there is a distribution and we all fall somewhere on the asshole curve. Granted some people are downright laden with assholality. But I think there are a lot of context dependent assholes. Most people I know describe me as one of the nicest people they know, and yet sometimes I walk away from an interaction wondering if the other person thinks I'm an asshole, because maybe I'm not agreeing with them, and I see the rolled eyes and hand gestures but my response to those things is to continue the debate. Yet, I'm also introspective to a fault. I know when I accidently cut someone off in traffic, despite my shame and remorse, I'm an asshole in their mind for the next 10 minutes, or I might have ruined their entire morning. Some people are assholes because psychologically they don't have the tools to solve the proble any other way, or sometimes there may simply be no way to win (i.e. John Kerry will always be an asshole in someone's mind, and there is no way to change that). I had a boss (professor) once who was basicly always right. He wouldn't concede to make someone feel better. Everyone thought he was an asshole, and he ended up not getting tenure. Yet I thought he was a really nice guy. In hindsight he came across as arrogant, and he wouldn't go the extra step to proactively enlighten those who disagreed with him (i.e. shedding light on the discord) he would simply state his contrarian opinion throwing a wrench into the works. So even though his opinions turned out in the end to be correct, it didn't matter. Anyway, despite the extreme cases, I think most asshole encounters are a result of contextual behavior, andmost people will find themselves guilty at some point.

On the other hand, I had another boss who was a total asshole in everyway I could measure - and despite my efforts I was never able to find a silver lining. I still have nightmares thinking about this evil man, yet he found success. Working in an environment rife with CEO's, CFO's I found myself wondering: To what extent does success (i.e. owning/running a company) require one to be an asshole?

by chris at October 27, 2004 2:21 PM


I agree about the assholery curve. But it's ones on the extreme that always stick in my mind. Contrarian is a great word to describe them. As for CEOs and other business honchos my experience with them has been different. Most I've known were genuinely nice, but totally willing to unsheath the long knives when the need arises.

Speaking of a-holes, my son has his computer rigged up so Weird Al plays as if on a tape loop. Right now he's spooking Avril Lavigne with Why'd You'd Have to Go and Make Me So Constipated, a case in point.

by anna at October 27, 2004 6:18 PM