I'll make it to the moon if I have to crawl

by anna at 10:35 AM on August 29, 2004

"We don't get fooled again!" --- George W. Bush.

On Tuesday a monumental event will transpire. Few will notice, fewer still will care. Read on to find out what it's all about.

In 1999, Bill Clinton waged a bloodless (no combat-related casualties on our side Yay!) war against regional bully Serbia and its strongman president Slobo Dan Milosevic. The new government wasted no time in turning Slobo Dan over to world authorities. A special tribunal was created just for him.

His trial began in February 2002. It began with his 18 hour marathon of an opening statement; in which he showed Dream Works-quality videos, ranted, raved and in general denounced the august proceeding as a blatant sham. Despite numerous delays in part due to Slobo Dan's roiling blood pressure, hi jinks and stalling tactics, it continues to this day. It resumes Tuesday, after world-appointed doctors gave him a clean bill of health. You can follow it here. Or you could travel to Serbia and turn on the TV. It is one of the highest rated shows there.

Compared to this endless ordeal, the OJ trial was like contesting a parking ticket. While the World Court doesn't mete out death sentences yet, those same doctors have expressed fears that the frail but dapper Dan might literally be "tried to death."

During this time Dan has run for and easily won a seat in Serbia's Parliament. He has also gained support among the citizens of his nation. More and more people believe he's being railroaded. He is.

The thrust of Dan's argument is that the World Court has no legal jurisdiction over him. He claims to be a citizen and the duly elected leader of a sovereign nation, just as Sad Am did when they fished his scruffy ass out of that spider hole. And folks, he is 100% correct.

I loathe the whole idea of being a world citizen. I dwell in mortal fear that any day now, shadowy world cops will barge into my home and haul me off to The Hague to face some trumped-up charges of war crimes or genocide or something. They will make me pay a world fine to further line their coffers. Then they will throw me into their world jail and throw away the key. I might as well be a W-designated enemy combatant thrown into a legal black hole, for all the recourse I'd have. I mean, to whom do you appeal once convicted by this kangaroo court---God?---Galactic Court---OJ?

Think I'm kidding? This phony court once issued a stern edict condemning Arizona for whacking two German muderers without first consulting with their consulate. A lot of good it did them though. Ha!

GODDAMIT, ONCE AND FOR ALL, I AM ONLY AN AMERICAN CITIZEN. I AM NOT A CITIZEN OF THE STUPID WORLD. HOITY-TOITY WORLD COURT, BENIGHTED NATIONS AND ALL THE REST OF YOU CAN KISS MY ASS. WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, KISS SLOBO DAN'S TOO. AND STOP TAKING UP VALUABLE MANHATTAN REAL ESTATE.

Isn't it strange how the people with the least are always clamoring for a shared world, a communal brotherhood of man governed by one set of universal rules?