Greetings from Paradise

by northstar at 08:46 PM on August 07, 2004

Gee, it only rained a little bit in Miami this morning...what a shock. Silly me; here I'd thought I was coming to some sort of tropical paradise- you know, sun, palm trees, warm tropical breezes. Yeah, right. Apparently, I've arrived in the middle of monsoon season, and I'm developing an unnatural urge to build an Ark and begin collecting two of everything.

The people in the office I'm working out of seem to think I'm solely responsible for the crummy weather (You know, it WAS sunny before you got here....). I don't know if that's true or not, but the end result is the same. I'm beginning to understand why mildew is the state flower.

Adding to the fun is that I'm in northwest Miami, and there really is not much of anything up here, at least from what I've seen. Unless you enjoy strip malls and streets that flood easily, there just isn't much up in these parts in way of diversions. Traffic being what it is, I'm not terribly inclined to be doing a lot of joyriding after work.

It's good to know that conspicuous consumption is no stranger to Miami. Indeed, it seems to be a time-honored activity here. The city's newest and wealthiest resident, Shaquille O'Neal, has reportedly put a $20 million bid on a home on Star Island. This, of course, begs the question: how many bedrooms does one man really need?

Driving in this town seems to be a quasi-combat activity. Yesterday, I saw a woman zip across three lanes of crowded traffic to make a U-turn- while talking animatedly on her cell phone. Apparently, this is not at all unusual, because I didn't hear so much as a single horn honking. Out of pure self-preservation, one learns quickly to pay close attention, because you never know where the next %$*&@!# moron is going to come from. Bievenidos a Miami...keep your eyes open, y'hear?

I hope this doesn't come off as borderline racist or overally generalized, but what is it about Cuban woman and the way they argue? The modus operandi seems to be to keep repeating the same argument over and over and over from different angles, perhaps in the hope that you will overwhelm your opponent and wear them down (OK, OK...you win... now, will you PLEASE just shut up???). Facts, or the possession of them, seem immaterial. What matters is the ability to keep hammering at your adversary until they cave out of sheer frustration (or boredom). It must work, because I've seen so much of it. Thankfully, I can be as stubborn as any Cuban woman, albeit not nearly as emotional. That's probably a good thing.

I think I'm learning to like this place....