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California Dreaming
by anna at 07:57 AM on August 13, 2004
Today the Summer Games kick off. Yet already there has been Drama, with lightly regarded Iraq thrashing powerhouse Portugal 4-2. The squad won't need to worry about being castrated by Uday Hussein tonight. Oh wait, he's dead.
But let's face it, most of the Summer games are a huge bore. Weightlifting, wrestling and especially track and field put me to sleep in a hurry. The marquee event is basketball. In years past, that has meant a fierce competition for the silver and bronze as Team USA had the gold locked up. No more. Last time the Americans barely survived a rim-clanging, buzzer-beater by Lithuania to win the semifinals. This year they've been dismissed by Italy and edged a German team that didn't even qualify. They'll face stiff competition from Croatia, among others, including a Chinese squad that boasts 4 players over 6' 11".
The problem is that international play emphasizes zone defense and outside shooting. Dribbling and penetrating, the NBA players' forte, won't cut it. What they need is a team comprised of 12 of those lone skinny white guys NBA teams put on the floor in the waning moments. The one who never misses free throws and can nail the 3 pointer with icewater in his veins.
That and Kobe, arguably the best all around player in the world. But of course he couldn't commit to play for his country because he was scheduled to be on trial on rape charges. A trial that has since been postponed (i.e. cancelled) due to technical difficulties posed by the fact that the alleged victim is trying to empty Kobe's bank account rather than seeking justice.
This, coupled with the fact that the judge agreed to allow defense lawyers wide latitude in presenting evidence of her sexual activity immediately before and after encounter with Kobe, effectively crippled the criminal case against him. And you can bet the civil case will be swept under the rug as well. a six figure wire transfer is taking place as we speak. Thus one might conclude that no rape took place.
It goes without saying that rape is heinous. This is particularly true today, when sneaky rapists slip roofies into your drink rather than waste time lurking behind garbage cans as in days of yore. But what about false allegations of rape, as above? Why would anyone do that? You know it is going to be a huge ordeal. My theory is that in those cases, the encounter totally sucked and they are pissed. Probably there was scant foreplay, rough and perfunctory intercourse, no female orgasm and no spooning afterwards. Perhaps Kobe was rude to her, saying, "Alright bitch, I'm done. Now get the F out so I can get some sleep."
Or else maybe he raped her. And if so, I hope he burns in hell like OJ and Scott Peterson if he too walks as all California murderers n' rapists seem to do these days.
comments (7)
I've never really been a fan of the summer olympics (or rape, for that matter, but I'll stick with the first topic ...). There's some intersting stuff, but I never seem to catch it. Since the last olympics, I started to doing Judo, so I'd like to see some of that, but I'm sure I'd need ESPN 12 or something. I've only got broadcast.
Interstingly, I've pretty much always like the winter olympics. I'm not sure why. I mean, I can swim, run, and throw things (and people), whereas I don't know how to ski (I love to ice skate, though). You'd think that I'd be more interested in the summer olympics. Maybe it's because all of the events in the winter olympics are more fun and are more closely linked to what people do for recreation (have you been doing a lot of pole vaulting in your time off recently?).
Plus, it's pretty much always hot at the summer olympics and cold at the winter olympics. I don't like hot. Hot is bad. That's probably more important than the other reasons. I could maybe be motivated to throw the discus if it wasn't too warm outside.
by Mike Sheffler at August 13, 2004 2:30 PM
Yah, olympics are such a snoozefest. I remember when they were here in Atlanta and the traffic sucked. Maybe it was that stupid mascot thing we had that was like a blue lump with lighting bolts for eyebrows and a hula hoop hat.
I think in other countries where its forbidden to run too fast its like a really liberating time of competition. But my car is still way faster than any of those athletes so when im staring out my side window and im imagining like superman running alongside the road and jumping over busstops and asians i feel like im watching something more interesting than the olympics.
by holy crap at August 13, 2004 2:43 PM
Who cares about Scott Peterson or that other fucker who killed his wife?? Whey aren't even famous. Why do I need a daily update on this shit every night on the news? Just wait and tell me what the verdict is and then televise the execution if you need entertainment.
by MrBlank at August 13, 2004 4:05 PM
OJ was pretty famous, but yeah the Scott Peterson thing is a bit out of hand. At least his massage therapy GF has fixed herself up a little for her day in the sun. And yeah, I dig the summer olympics way more. The figure skating turns me on (ice dancing too.) It's way better than those little pre-pube pixies who do gymnastics or whatever.
Holy Crap that little stream of consciousness rant killed me. "like Superman running alongside the road and jumping over busstops and asians.." Heh-heh.
by anna at August 13, 2004 6:25 PM
That's one funny mofo. I actually laughed out loud. Stick around Holy Crap.
by Ezy at August 16, 2004 4:41 PM
From what I understand of the Kobe case, it wasn't the normal sex that the victim balked about it. It was the anal. Which is ironic, since when Kobe gets convicted, he'll have a lot of time to realize that unasked for anal can, you know, really hurt. There is an (brown) eye for an (brown) eye we can all get behind.
by mg at August 17, 2004 8:05 PM
Except he won't. The victim shot the case when she filed her civil suit.
Defense attorney: So we've established that you had sex with four guys that weekend and evidently didn't change your panties once. How many of them did you sue for damages?
Judge: Case dismissed.
by anna at August 18, 2004 6:10 PM