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ab

why can't we be friends

by ab at 09:10 PM on July 27, 2004

I need to pay more attention. Here I sit at my husband and my collective computer. A computer that’s foreign to me. We have no relationship, this computer and me. There’s no love. And Nothing fricking (yes, I just said “fricking”) works. Or at least nothing is working for me.

No music. No internet, just Word. And I know later that he’ll probably have to post this for me. Not that he doesn’t show me how. In fact, just last night I got a slow and very patient tutorial. It’s just that I wasn’t really paying attention. And learning all those steps is so boring. Plus, I know he’ll just post it for me if I can’t figure it out. And that’s why I’m sitting here all annoyed and touchy as a boil.


And then I’ll have to admit I wasn’t paying attention. There’ll be reprisals. I’ll vow to him and to myself that I need to pay more attention to things that I care nothing about. Like computer stuff, dates and numbers.

I ordered some glassine bags the other day to put wedding favors in. Very shabby chic. I thought of the idea and I took the initiative. Grabbed the bull by the horns got on the Internet and ordered them. Then when the damned things arrived (next day I might add) they were completely the wrong size.

Eyebrows were raised. Questions were asked, “Didn’t you take the trouble to measure?” then the obligatory “Of course, I did. I’m not stupid.”

I totally didn’t measure. Didn’t even really dawn on me to do so. The picture looked about right, I reasoned. I need to pay more attention to those things. Now I have a case of 1,000 glassine bags on my kitchen table that are the perfect size to hold a tampon. Or 5 or 6 pixie stix. Definitely not wedding favors our guests will understand or enjoy.

I’ll admit that while I’m easily impressed with technology, it does make me somewhat uncomfortable. I guess I feel really out of control because, well, I’m not good at using it. I can’t be assed to learn how. Then it becomes a pain, and then is this whole computer thing really a help or a hassle? I’m not a total Luddite, I do occasionally enjoy a good on-line foray, but becoming competent would force me to actually have to pay attention and now we’re back to paragraph one.

I was reading a Time magazine in the Dentist’s office today. There was an interview with David Sedaris. In it, he basically said technology-wise he can’t be assed either, and he’s not afraid to say it. He’s not giving himself harsh rebuffs. In fact, he was just recently persuaded to give up his typewriter for a computer. He says when someone tells him to go to their website, he asks, “Why? What do you do there?” I liked that. I said to him (in my head) “middle-aged gay male, I relate. Let’s be friends.”

comments (6)

I totally did have to post this for her.

PS: I think our guests would totally enjoy some tampon wedding favors.

by m g at July 27, 2004 9:20 PM


there's only one thing to do...your wedding favors will consist of either green buds or white powder. good thing you bought the perfect sized bags!

by JC at July 27, 2004 9:24 PM


Hey, I thought you guys were already married. I await my invite.

And I can relate to your online buying troubles. We've been on an endless quest for art that fits a particular frame we own, looks like it does online and matches everything else. Total cost to date, over $300. Total art on wall, nada.

by anna at July 28, 2004 7:47 AM


If the fram is so damn cool, why bother with "art". Hang the frame with nothing in it.

by MrBlank at July 28, 2004 5:20 PM


I love the convenience of online shopping (my credit card doesnt!) However I have also had problems when it comes to paying enough attention to buy what you actually want.
It was recently my very good friends birthday and whilst browsing through ebay I found the excact pair of boots she had been lusting after for weeks, brand new and only a snip of the price. When I realized they were in her size I couldn't belive my luck and enterd in to a bidding war to win said boots.
The boots turned up the day before her birthday but as she was on her way round I wrapped them without checking them. This is where it all goes wrong. As she opened her gift it didnt take long for us both to realize I had brought her the cutest pair of childrens boots.
So much to my credit cars dissapointment it was swiped once again buying the original boots from the shop and my God daughter got an unexpected prezzie. So much for a bargin!

by Nic at July 29, 2004 6:16 AM


Blank, my wife is adamant that we need new art. Out with the tired old Monets, in with depressing American impressionists. I think I posted about it a while ago. Now we await a precisely custom-sized iglee print on canvas. If it is off by a 1/8 of an inch we're screwed as you can't return custom-sized iglees any more than Nic could those tiny boots.

by anna at July 29, 2004 8:02 AM