We had a moment but I’m glad it’s in the past

by ezy at 01:30 PM on July 12, 2004

Since the current theme seems to be writing the letter never sent, I thought I would jump right in.

Dear Steph,

I’m not sure how to begin this or where it will go once started but I need to tell you how much pain and anguish you have caused. The last time we were together when you told me you wanted to move to D.C., so we could try to have a relationship, then reneged hurt me more than you can possibly know. I now have a hard time trusting women. I sometimes let my lack of trust and feelings of inadequacy influence my relationship with my wife. She doesn’t deserve any of this and I want you to know that you are the cause of that. You can’t just play with people’s emotions like that. It is cruel and very hurtful. I had totally put my trust in you and you abused it not once but twice in the span of a year. And to think, I felt bad for being angry because I always bowed to you. You were always an extremely self centered person and it looks like some things never change. I know that I wasn’t always the best and most trustworthy boyfriend but I was a kid when I was acting that way. The last two times we tried to make things work I treated you with the utmost respect and was completely and totally committed to you. You threw all of that away as easily as a piece of trash. I never understood, and probably never will, how you could do that to someone who had been as good a friend to you as I had. When you called out of the blue and told me you needed a friend to try to help you get over Ryan leaving you at the alter, what did I do? I helped you. Do you think any of that was easy for me to hear and try to give you sound advice on? No, it sucked. Having to hear how he was everything that I could never be to you and how perfect he was, that is until he left your ass at the alter, made me want to throw up. I did it though because you needed me. The moment I needed you, you left. All of the times I would wake up in the morning and e-mail you first thing only to get nothing back for a week also sucked. I gave you 110% and you gave nothing. I did understand that the school you were attending was hard and you were short on time but how much time does it take to call someone? Five minutes? You could have given me the minimum and I would’ve stuck around. I will not stick around for nothing. I don’t have the time or energy for that. Luckily fate has seen fit to send me the most wonderful woman I have ever met. She loves me for who I am. I don’t have to change myself or put up a front that I am something I am not. I was never enough for you but for that I thank you. If I had stuck it out with you we would probably be in an unhappy marriage and I would’ve never met my soul mate. Thank you for giving me nothing. I am in therapy currently working to erase the lack of trust and feelings of inadequacy so there will be nothing of you left with me. I am committed to erasing every single part of you so my wife doesn’t have to pay for your mistakes. It will happen soon. I would tell you to have a good life but I so completely don’t care if you do or don’t that I’ll just say goodbye.