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Still not dead yet
by effenheimer at 06:33 PM on June 19, 2004
I'm still alive, but I don't enjoy it much. Actually, that is only half true. I am all fucked up because the right side of my heart slowly enlarged until the point I got congestive heart failure. That and my other problems, diabetes and being a fatass, are attributable to obstructive sleep apnea I've had since I was in high school. According to my doctor, I've been snoring like a narwhal since a young age which means I haven't really been sleeping the way most people think of sleeping since I was 16 or 17.
Case in point, dreams. I thought the way I used to dream as a kid was attributable to the fact that kids have more wild imaginations. Now I sleep with a mask on my face that forces air into my nose, keeps my mouth shut, prevents me from snoring and waking up all night long and I DREAM LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER!
I have those long-assed 4-hour dreams that seem to be going somewhere endlessly until you finally wake up in the morning thoroughly sleeped out. And lucid dreams are mine for the asking. I spent a lot of years learning to get in there and get things done quick when I was waking up every 2 minutes without really noticing it, so in my dreams, when I want to fly, bitch, I fly. I regularly dream that I am a superhero because let's face it, what would be cooler than having special powers and having people love you for doing good things and possibly getting laid for it too? Short answer? Nothing. Nothing would be cooler than that. NOTHING!
I am also supposed to be avoiding salt in all forms but that is actually pretty hard to do. Low sodium doesnt mean shit on a label. All fast food, canned, boxed and bagged goods are filled with it. About the only things that are good are fresh meat and veggies which get boring as fuck real quick. Not to mention there is nothing more expensive in the store than fresh meat and veggies. Even frozen veggies add up. So slowly you get back into "occasionally" eating the things you like and when you don't die the first time, you start to think just a little that, hey, maybe I can do this once in a while if I'm good.
Pretty soon, you can't remember the last time you were good and you're back at the hospital pissing into a jug so some nurse measures your urine output.
But overall I'm feeling better and I pray that one day I will be able to play the piano again ... or fuck. That's always nice.
comments (11)
That dreaming deal sounds amazing. You must be making up for lost REM cycles. I've noticed the price of healthy foods like meat and fresh vegetables, also. They're definitely the most expensive things at the market. Some of the worst produce you can find is at Food4Less, and some of the best is at Gelson's and Wild Oats. It's so much easier to be healthy when you're rich.
by jean at June 21, 2004 1:05 AM
But not always. Last Thursday I'm at Shopper's Food, bemoaning the fact that I can't shell out $25 for 3 decent steaks. I see 20 oz of filet mignon wrapped in bacon. No price so I ask. $4.95. A pound? No for the whole package of 4. A mad tussle ensues with me and all these stern looking housewives with shopping lists. We haven't eaten anything else since.
Eff, man it sure is good to see you even if Evil Tom says you look gay in that hat.
by anna at June 21, 2004 7:36 AM
Fuck ET, for a guy like me to look a little gay is a huge accomplishment because I am so big (ie fat) and manly (ie manly).
by Eff at June 21, 2004 1:04 PM
Hey Eff, sorry to hear about your health problems man. About the snoring, have you tried sleeping on your side? That seems to work for me. About the weight problem, maybe you can just try eating a little less. It might seem hard, but it's not. That's why I still have my girly figure even though I am somewhere between 40 and 55 years old. Lastly, about the sodium thing. Maybe you can try eating a little less salt. For example, if you used to gulp tablespoons full of salt, try to do less of that.
I hope these were helpful tips. Feel better!
by Osama at June 21, 2004 3:31 PM
Lucid dreams are the coolest... I had a brief one on Sunday, but they never last long. And I always try to fly or have sex during them... (that might be one way for you to be able to fuck again soon!)
Glad to see you around, sorry you have been under the weather!
by Linz at June 21, 2004 3:43 PM
I am so boring. I have a catalogue of approved dreams and before I go to sleep I choose which one I am going to have. Like ordering pay-per-view, ya know?
by anna at June 21, 2004 6:29 PM
Eff my man. Good to see you're alive and kicking. Change is always hard. Anything that is tasty, food wise, is horrible for you anymore. With all of the technology we have these days, they should be able to make cauliflower taste like ribs? Go figure.
by Ezy at June 22, 2004 6:51 PM
Yeah, you know, the easiest thing to actually give up is table salt. I would not have thought so. You reach for that shaker out of habit but just fill it with the fake salt and pretty soon you won't even reach for that. I cook at home extremely low sodium.
what gets me is cheese. Cottage cheese, cream cheese, cheese cheese, there is just no substitute. I even found a fast food joint that makes their own patties, so if I ask for my burgers no salt, I get them that way. But all corp. fast food is high in salt, VERY HIGH that's how they mess up your health and addict you, because sodium is kind of addictive.
by Eff at June 26, 2004 1:30 PM
Man, life without cheese? I'd probably slit my wrists. You're right, there is no substitute for full fat, terrible for you, blocking the arteries cheese. I think I'll go have a block now.
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