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I just want to be loved, what's wrong with that?
by effenheimer at 01:51 PM on June 26, 2004
Even back when I was thin and good looking, I was never really able to put forth the kind of effort necessary to score with the ladies. I did OK, but I got no game because I really, REALLY hate playing the game. I'd rather go to a sex club than a bar and try to work my magic. And personal relationships? Forget it.
The last "relastionship" I had lasted about three weeks and was this older woman who looked pretty good for her age and having had four kids. She was really into me as a writer which sounds like a good start but most times isn't. It's like there are two of you, the one people like and the real you they could take or leave.
It's like if you love Kurt Vonnegut's books, never try to meet the man, because he might disappoint you. The same is true for everything writer. Like my old English prof Teddy Nostrum used to say, you have to separate the art from the artist.
So we had some phone fun and talke about doing things and she'd say, "Oh I just wish I could eff your brain!" like that's some kind of compliment. Yet whenever I tried to get hooked up, it was suddenly a no go. Oh she could call me three times a day and pretend I was who my writing suggested to her I should be, but an hour to hit it was just impossible.
I don't need any extra starch in my long johns, you dig? The best part of being 35 is I can sit and read or watch TV without having to think about sex all the time. So finally I got tired of the frustration and called her up and said "you want to roll with me, we do it my way or not at all, I have too much to do and too little time to do it to be playing some game with a woman who is far removed from her virginity. In short if you can diddle for me on the phone, then you can get over here and give me some release. I'm not asking for anything special because if the answer is no, then fine, go your own way and god bless. I don't need frustration, i've got that.
Ok she says and plans to get together and maybe hold hands the next day. Wants to take it real slow. Slow? like pulling a Darling Nikki over the phone the first week we met was slow? Like flashing me in front of my place of work was slow? as if having me sign your boob was slow? As if describing every nasty thing you've ever done is slow?
I hung up the phone and was pissed. I knew that I was gonna jerked around again and why should I involve myself with anyone who doesn't bring me pleasure. Not nirvana, not spine tingling pleasure, just a little mild joy would be nice. I should hang up the phone and be glad I talked to you at least.
I called her back and told her to never call me again at home or at work and not to come see me in public ever again, we are cut off, I said. She OK'd me quietly and I got the sense that she knew that I knew exactly what her game was. That she had a game was too much.
I want to be left alone for the most part. There are people who want to roll with me because they think I'm cool, and that's fine, but let's roll, let's be cool, let's have some fun, let's get deep and if you just want to EFFEN INTERVIEW ME and PICK MY BRAIN then EFF YOU ya soul-suckin' vampire bitch, you god damn cannibal. People who feed off of other people's energy make me sick. If you aren't putting off your own energy of one sort or another, you're worse than dead, you're a siphon.
comments (13)
I can relate. But might I suggest you call her up now, out of the blue, and act like nothing has happened? At the very least it would be a fun mind-fuck and who knows where it may lead now that she's had some time to think about it? I'd try to get her to understand that for you, writing is just a gig, like auto mechanics or being a prostitute.
by anna at June 27, 2004 8:26 AM
Hey, I wanna F your brain too! And I wouldn't mind F'ing your anus. Wink wink!
by Mike Piazza at June 27, 2004 2:47 PM
Yeah Mike it's kinda funny once those gay rumors start swirling around you. Next thing you know you're Richard Gere trying to get people to care about Tibet and all they want to ask about is how many gerbils you have stuffed up your ass at the moment.
by anna at June 27, 2004 6:53 PM
I used to love to play the game. I had the distinct pleasure of growing up with two older sisters and I paid attention. The closest is nine years older than me and I used to have access to all of the slumber parties and girl talk from the time I was very young until ten or so. Things I heard in those slumber party sessions I didn't really understand at that time but later on when that situation popped up I knew exactly what to say or do to make the girl put on the brakes and take notice. That was my twenties though. Anymore I don't have time for any games at all. It just isn't enjoyable anymore. Maybe I got burned out on them or just grew up, I don't know. I dated a twenty-one year old girl a couple of years ago. She was smoking hot, disgustingly rich and we had nothing to talk about. She'd open her mouth and I would cringe because I knew something idiotic was going to come out. Not all twenty-one year olds are like this but this girl wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. She would try to play games with me like making me jealous or having dinner plans and she'd show up extremely late. Every time she showed up at the door I'd tell her she'd missed dinner and sent her packing or would call the guy over she was staring down and invite him home with us. Needless to say this mistake only lasted a couple of months.
by Ezy at June 27, 2004 9:45 PM
I've always been amazed that dogs never get tired of dog biscuits. The reward system is perpetually self-renewing. You can continually train them to do new tricks because dog biscuits never get old. And so it is with sex and men. Men will wait and wait in drooling, tail wagging, anticipation of a little biscuit, and are willing to jump through hoops, roll over, play fetch, but many women are hesitant about giving out the biscuit. In frustration, men mope off by themselves, and spend their lives trying (mostly in vain) to convince themselves that they don't need the biscuit. Yet dog owners know that the little daily dog biscuit ritual helps establish a good relationship with their dog. Thus I don't understand why some women "play the game" but don't hand out the biscuit. This might sound odd, but even just as a matter of relationship enforcement or maintenance. I know a lot of men that would be a lot happier, and eager to please in return. Funny how people will spend 20 minutes a day washing dishes, but can't spend 5 minutes a day (enough to please most men) doing a little biscuit ritual. Hell, some men would clean the entire kitchen for just 5 minutes of biscuit.
This woman is afraid to give herself away. It's the worst kind of bankruptcy when you don't really have enough to share with others.
by chris at June 28, 2004 6:25 AM
I dunno, 4 kids is a lot to handle. Maybe she's too tired for biscuit rituals. Cool story Ezy.
by anna at June 28, 2004 7:40 AM
Thanks Anna. I still don't know what I was thinking. Well, I know what I was thinking "Why in the hell is this twenty-one year old hottie coming on to me?" and "Damn, look at that tight body." I had to find out what was up. I found out.
by Ezy at June 28, 2004 9:25 AM
Eff, I don't mean to leap to conclusions but I get the impression that you don't like women. They all seem guilty til proven innocent, they all have ulterior motives, and then they all get a kick square in the ass by your posts.
Do you think that all of them play the game? I know some wonderful women who are dying to find a man who doesn't play the stupid game, the phone-call game, the aloof game.
In the cool, smart and interesting recipe you keep mentioning, do you have also the vital element of respect?
by Linz at June 28, 2004 1:58 PM
Listen you skank! Eff and I like women just fine! Right Eff? Yeah, we like the women. Don't nobody tell us otherwise.
by Mike Piazza at June 28, 2004 10:23 PM
Hey assface! Thanks for the clarification.
by Linz at June 29, 2004 10:01 AM
you are a mislead old man, man. you get killed in some places for that, this is not a threat or anything. I know not much about you, but I think your "scheme" would cause a little extra commotion if they recognize you on later date
you should stop writing-
Ari
by ari at June 15, 2005 11:05 PM
i think you should all stop writing on here, go get a date, and have some real fun.....the problem is you are too involved in analyzing things that happened instead of starting something new....get a fucking life!
by wtf at April 17, 2006 10:28 PM
ur so fulla shit there aint no 20 something year old gonna look at you less she wants the bux and thats it so dont be thinking you got it cuz man ya just dont lmao!!!
by hooplah at January 16, 2008 12:30 AM