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She had a west coast strut that was sweet as molasses
by anna at 07:20 PM on April 11, 2004
If you knew how to identify what's hot and what's not, you'd be rich enough to buy off the entire Saudi royal family and make them start pumping mad oil instead of their Palestinian nannies. But Hollywood bigshots have been trying to do just that for years, mostly in vain. Even porn ventures can be strangely sterile and unsatisfying.
Perhaps one of the hottest scenes in mainstream cinema was the one on the yacht in Some Like It Hot. The only reason Marilyn Monroe and Tony Curtis got away with all that heavy breathing in 1959 was that they ostensibly played it for laughs. A close runner up came with that scene in Wild Things where Denise Richards and Neve Campbell locked lips and more. And despite the fact that she's a model not a trained actress, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos managed to generate major heat in Femme Fatale. I think it had more to do with the film noir, who's-fooling-who atmospherics than any outright erotic content. Same goes for that attempted rape vs. seduction scene in Disclosure. Conversely, some films seem to be trying to hard. Eyes Wide Shut, 91/2 Weeks and Cruel Intentions come to mind.
It's the same way with musicians. Watching Christina Aguilera writhe in a mud pit in her video for Dirty was more disturbing than sexy. Ditto for Britney prancing around the stage with her Burger King-style microphone and oddly bossy personna. I'm more taken by the raw passion of Janis Joplin belting out Take a Little Piece of my Heart, Stevie Nicks' mystical dances or even the wholesome Shania Twain doing I Feel Like a Woman (but not not that guy in the truck comemrcial.)
Ellie Mae Clampet: hot. Elizabeth Montgomery with both her Dicks in Bewitched: hot. Mary Tyler Moore: not. Naive Golden Girl Betty White: hot. Mannish Bea Arthur: not hot. The Facts of Life's spunky Jo: hot. Blair: not. Winnie in the Wonder Years: hot. Winnie Mandella: not.
Despite their hairy butt cracks I'll concede that guys too can be hot. Clint Eastwood reprising his reluctant warrior shtick in Unforgiven: hot. Clint playing a sensitive loser in Bridges of Madison County: not. Dashing Russell Crowe in Gladiators: hot. Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind: not. Joey: hot. Ross: not. Randy Jackson: hot. Ryan Seacrest: not.
Tommy Lee pounding on his drums with Motley Crue: hot. Tommy Lee pumping Pam Anderson full of hep C: not. The onstage interplay between Axl Rose and Slash: hot. Onstage interplay between the Backdoor Boys: not. Eddie Veder fronting Pearl Jam: hot. Creed lead singer Scott Stapp: not. Prince: hot. Prince Charles: not.
Consider how both Lady Chatterly's Lover and Fear of Flying generated considerable heat in their time. And what 70s boy didn't have steamy page 27 of The Godfather memorized rote? You know, where the well-endowed Sonny satisfies his too-big-down-there bridesmaid Lucy for the first time in her life. Many pages of that book are stuck together at that juncture. Yet the movie rendition wasn't all that memorable.
I can't put my finger on what makes something hot or not any more than those Hollywood hotshots can. But I know it when I see it.
Does anyone have a clue about this seemingly elusive quality? If so please speak up, I'm getting hoarse here.
comments (7)
I can identify what is 'stately' 'elegant' and thus, 'hot'.
For Example: Audrey Hepburn=hot
by lockheed at April 12, 2004 1:38 PM
Hey, Lock. You mean now or years ago? O wait, didn't she die recently?
by anna at April 12, 2004 5:54 PM
My own theory is that for someone or something to be hot, you need the proper balance of innocence/vulnerability on the one hand and suggestiveness and reckless abandon on the other. Like Scarlett O'Hara. And yeah, a touch of elegance never hurts.
Not that anyone asked.
by anna at April 12, 2004 6:57 PM
It's not hot when someone tries too hard. Christina tries too hard. Johnny Depp doesn't appear to try at all. OK, then maybe it is about trying but without the appearance of trying. Stevie Nicks is enchanting even now, at her age; she has some ethereal quality that seems rather timeless. Are people most thought of as hot when they are a bit detached, cool, maybe a bit aloof? Or is it just to me that those qualities attract? I always have the feeling that underneath it all, they are sensitive, deep souls, who are wise and have seen too much and felt too much to not be serious. But it could be people are silent because sometimes they are just
ignorant and know at least enough to keep quiet. Which I think I better do at this point since I'm making little sense, even to myself.
by AlterEgo at April 12, 2004 8:29 PM
Ichiro Suzuki: hot. It's okay about the hoarseness Anna; I'm impressed you got through the post without any typos. (Well, just one, in case Eviltom is looking.) Apparently manual dexterity drops as arousal rises.... Thaats' whta I'm tlkeing about.
by jean at April 13, 2004 4:30 AM
Definitely agree about the trying too hard thing. It's like if a gal meets a guy and he's immediately showering her with flowers or showing up @ the office unannounced. Stalker alert! As for the aloof thing, I don't know. I always think of ice queen Gwyneth Paltrow. Pretty, sure, but not a whole lot of action going on there. And Jean, I always strive to have @ least one typo and example of alliteration when I write.
by anna at April 13, 2004 7:48 AM
I actually interviewed Gwyneth once, for Sliding Doors. But, sad to say, I didn't get much of an impression from that morning. Friends who move in her circles (i.e., trust-fund kids from L.A.) say she was a huge party animal until her parents got her a career. All the same, I hope that her marriage and kid with Chris Martin go well.
I also interviewed John Hannah for that movie. John Hannah: hot. John Hannah's chain smoking and Edinburr'h accent: hot!
by jean at April 17, 2004 6:25 PM