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got dirt, got air, got water and i know you can carry on
by mg at 12:28 PM on April 19, 2004
A couple weeks ago I dropped the minor bomb that I’m now married. I’ve yet to mention a word about it since. As (m)Anna noted, I can be pretty ornery that way sometimes. In the old days of the site, I could blow up a simple story about finding a dollar on the street into a three-day, 2000 word epic.
I like to think that I’m a little more straightforward now when revealing details. When I do reveal details. So, here is the story you’ve all been waiting for with baited breath. And here I was wondering what smelled wormy all this time.
The reason I waited so long to mention being married had more to due with not wanting to hurt people’s feelings than not wanting to share my joy. As the wedding itself was a secret to all until after the fact, I was waiting to talk to my friends, in person if possible, before I could reveal it here.
EvilTom, for example, whom I consider to be one of my oldest, dearest, and gayest friends, didn’t find out until the wedding until 3 months after the fact, and still not in the way I’d hoped. That is mainly his fault, for never wanting to leave his house, but for whatever reasons, I didn’t get to tell the people I wanted to tell in person, and thus had to put off the big reveal here for almost 5 months from the happy day.
Another big reason I put it off is because I didn’t want to hurt the feelings of certain people who may or may not continue to read the site. I really don’t want to get into all of that, but needless to say, I can be, and have been, a complete ass. I will likely continue to be the occasional ass in the future, but I didn’t want to compound past assiness by the way I handled things here now.
I guess I finally decided that having hurt someone in the past, if they choose to be hurt by my happiness now, no amount of time will change that or make things easier. I wish that I had handled things differently, but I didn’t, and I can’t let that effect sharing my joy with others now. I am sorry, and I hope one day I can be forgiven, and that is all I’m going to say about that.
The third major reason it took me so long to mention my marriage is because my wife, Amanda, is someone who has received the focus of a fair share of words here. Now, that normally wouldn’t affect things, but many of those words described, in often painful detail, how she broke my heart. Don’t bother going back and looking for those old posts, the vast majority have been removed (though not all, so if you are into that sort of thing, enjoy you heartless, unromantic bastard).
You can say that it is untruthful of me to “erase” the past, or whatever. But I’m not forgetting, I’m forgiving, and those are two very different things.
She never asked me to remove that old stuff, which I appreciate and respect. I probably never would have removed it if I couldn’t have forgiven her, and part of that whole process of us getting from “we’re never going to see each other again” to “hey, we’re married!” was being able to say “This stuff was in the past, and is not part of our lives anymore.”
I do feel slightly uneasy about retroactive editing of my life, but removing certain specific posts about our past was a necessary step in me being able to move on. And move on we have.
At the beginning of this I mentioned the Bad Samaritan tradition of three-part tomes, and with much more to tell, this story is well on it’s way to epic status. Join me tomorrow(ish) for part two.
comments (20)
Well, congratulations, and best wishes to you and Amanda! And really, all people are asses at one time or another. Don't fret about it.
by AlterEgo at April 19, 2004 1:41 PM
In case it was unclear, I was kidding about being mad you didn't share the news sooner. I know you had your reasons. And I think everyone here would agree that we're all happy for you. Asshat.
by Linz at April 19, 2004 4:07 PM
congrats again MG!
btw, i figure you've already fathered some young G's that you're not telling us about.
by lajoie at April 19, 2004 6:54 PM
Wonderful! I'm glad to finally hear the story, especially because you sound happy, and seem to have put some demons of the past away. Yay MG!! Congratulations to you and Amanda!
P.S. I don't mind your ass-ness. Beneath the ass is a pussycat. Yessirree.
by jean at April 19, 2004 8:53 PM
Thanks MG. I look forward to the rest of the story.
by jadedju at April 19, 2004 9:46 PM
Lajoie... MG ain't fathering any young G's. His sperm count is 12.
by Eviltom at April 19, 2004 9:50 PM
Hear ye, hear ye. A toast to the both of you. And not to stray into the realm of assiness but is 12 a lot? I mean, I've never counted.
by anna at April 20, 2004 7:51 AM
Good job MG. I know from experience how hard it is to forgive and put away the demons of your past. The fact that you can do this for Amanda says everything. Just love, respect and enjoy each other, the rest will fall into place. Congrats asshat.
by Ezy at April 20, 2004 10:20 AM
Congrats to you and your bride!
by Joseph at April 20, 2004 12:01 PM
well 12's not a lot to be sure.
unless each one is the size of a poliwog.
by lajoie at April 20, 2004 12:11 PM
i'm saving my congrats until the end of the story! aw, what the hell...congrats on the nuptials, and congrats that you were able to heal past hurts and move on.
by JC at April 20, 2004 12:55 PM
Okay, now I feel better.... I've been fairly incommunicado for a while, but I'm glad I didn't completely miss the bombshell. Is anyone else sitting impatiently, waiting for parts II & III? Who else but our boy mg can do that to us?
by snaggle at April 20, 2004 2:05 PM
no offense but you're not exactly prince charles...or did i miss the coverage in "Star"? get a grip on yourself.
by janet at April 20, 2004 4:18 PM
You are right, I'm not Prince Charles, I like women.
Now what, exactly, gave you the impression from the above that I'm big-headed (or big eared, if we are continuing with the Prince Charles references)? Rather than making a spectacle of things, my whole wedding/marriage has remained incredibly low-key, and I've barely mentioned either.
Thirdly, what are you doing here if you don't care about my life, or the lives of Linz, Anna, Ezy, Chuck, Lajo, etc? The success of this site (around 2,500 visitors a day) is based largely on the strength of my personality, and the personality of the others who write here (the rest of the success is attributable to pornography). If I can't revel in myself and my happiness here, what exactly is the point of it all?
by mg at April 20, 2004 4:30 PM
The point is, we're all truly fragile, yet that pillar is indestructible. it truly is
-sincerely,
drunken lockheed.... (got a trading stint at some chopshop on Wall street... NYSE stocks... starting from scratch... the way LOckeed likes it)
by LOCKHHEED at April 20, 2004 4:55 PM
Wow, Congratulations MG!! I'm glad to see (read) you are happy :-)
by Lucy at April 20, 2004 5:32 PM
We talk, we chat about marriage, sex, but the bottom line, we 'blog' correspond... just went to Mcdonalds and I see this young black girl who uses the word 'n--gger' like it's the word 'the'; and she scrounges an extra nickel so she could buy a milkshake... I mean, when's the last time you used hard 'coins' for when ordering food at Mcdonalds? It made me scared a little, but more astonished at this civilzation... the gaps are large but meaningful... a shake, then I say, well, you're using 'discretionary' cash if you're buying a milkshake treat. I dunno.
by LOCKHEED at April 20, 2004 5:33 PM
Janet, are you the same man-whore from Three's Company?
In a dark room I'd choose Mrs. Roper.
by lajoie at April 20, 2004 5:37 PM
Oh Lajoie, be honest - you'd choose Mr. Roper in a well-lit room.
by mg at April 21, 2004 4:36 PM
Congratulations Lockheed! You show 'em what you're made of! But don't be doing cocaine and stuff like I hear the Wall Street traders do. And don't be too down on the girl with the coins. Sometimes I pay for stuff with coins too when my checking account hits the big "0".
When I worked in Downtown L.A., it was really eye-opening. My office was on the fringe of the financial district, where if you walked three blocks south suddenly the streets and sidewalk were all busted up and everything was Big Lots and department stores with names like Gigante that sell nothing but bottom-of-the-barrel import staples. And everyone's out of shape, with bad skin, cheap clothes, and cheap shoes, and they're all wheeling around babies in strollers, but still, they're decent people.
by jean at April 21, 2004 5:11 PM