« busting my cherry | Main | Food for Naught »

anna

She could dance all night and shake the paint off the wall

by anna at 06:40 PM on January 28, 2004

Well boys and girls, we're in for some fun now. The following is based on a story an old friend once told me. Loosely based, like Stephen King movies are on his books.

You're out at a club. A black guy approaches you and offers to buy you a drink. He's good-looking, charming and a great dancer. As you're chatting, he starts running his long fingers along your inner thigh. He then proceeds to tell you exactly what he'd like to do to you. A forward fellow, this guy.

Now you're not the sort of person who does that sort of thing with strangers. Normally you'd slap his face. But you've heard those stories about black guys and how well-hung they're supposed to be. You're relishing the notion of him splitting you open like a coconut. You explicitly agree to his proposition. You both adjourn to a nearby bathroom stall.

Things progress rather quickly. Before long you're rubbing him through his pants. It is fully erect but barely perceptible. He undoes his belt and lets his pants fall to his ankles. His weiner is about the size of a Vienna sausage. His nuts remind you of chick peas. This isn't at all what you had in mind. You try to resist the urge to laugh.

Hence the dilemma. You no longer wish to be ravaged by this lavatory Lothario. But you're not the kind to renege on an agreement. Nor do you want to be seen as a person who'd lead someone on only to let them down. Plus, you know it won't hurt and it will probably be over in no time.

What to do, what to do?

comments (19)

I'm just going to sit here and pretend I didn't see this post. There are just so many things wrong with it I can't find where to begin.

by jadedju at January 28, 2004 7:46 PM


Like what? I thought it was pretty innocuous fare.

by anna at January 28, 2004 7:54 PM


i'm going to sit here and pretend i never read the first comment to this post and say that if it were me in the room with that man i'd think to myself..."what the hell am i doing in the bathroom with a man?!?".

by lajoie at January 28, 2004 9:19 PM


Okay, I'm no size queen, but I've had something (very vaguely) similar happen. Mind you, my time included some bondage paraphenalia and the understanding that we weren't going to have sex anyhow, but finding the little cocktail weenie that he'd substituted for a proper peener... well, it kinda made me glad we weren't going to have sex.

Given your scenario though, I'd maybe just blow him as a way of apologizing, or claim that I forgot to take my pill and was chock-full of STDs, much as the lies would pain me.

by Jen at January 28, 2004 10:21 PM


Jen! One of the things I've learned of as an old fogie posting on a young person's site is the vast generational gap that exists when it comes to blowing someone. People of mine think of it as a big deal, especially when...completed. But younger folk seem to think little of it. Maybe Clinton had something to do with that, I don't know.

And come on Lajo, don't tell me you've never been in a bathroom stall with another man.

by anna at January 29, 2004 7:46 AM


Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't think of it as a big deal, but at the same time, I don't have it in me (pun intended) to go that far and just walk away. At least, not if I didn't want to seem like an *absolute* bitch.

I generally aim for mid-range bitch, although that's just 'cause I censor myself.

by Jen at January 29, 2004 10:50 AM


What kind of jackass actually believes that all black men have large penises? That's like believing that all men are good drivers.

I am curious, JadedJu, whether you are more concerned with the lack of PC or the lack of intelligence of the (apparently) female involved.

by Linz at January 29, 2004 1:02 PM


Drunk sluts and guys with little dicks looking for sleazy sex in a restroom?

The perfect scenario for this crowd.

by Bob at January 29, 2004 5:17 PM


I don't think she was drunk because she hardly ever drank. As far as the generalization about black men and big penises, that's a widely held stereotype, like redheads being wild in bed. Of course it's not always or even mostly true, but that's probably the point of her allegory. At least I assumed it was an allegory. Bathroom trysts don't happen between real people.

by anna at January 29, 2004 6:15 PM


Sorry, didn't mean to leave that comment and then not answer questions about it, just didn't have a chance to return until now.

The trouble for me with the post is that we are essentially being asked to participate in the stupid/racist thinking and behavior of the woman. By asking me what I'd do, it presumes that we'd somehow be in that situation. Which then, to me, seems to imply some support for her behavior.

The question as to what we'd do also seems to presuppose that everyone reading this is not African American themselves.

Anna, I'm sure you'll say that isn't what you intended. I'm not suggesting that it is. I'm telling you how I read it.

by jadedju at January 29, 2004 9:49 PM


I thought this site was big with the black community. Wasn't it a misspelling in one of the older posts that inspired Chingy to write Right Thurr? I'm pretty sure he said that on TRL.

PS: I love you Bob.

by mg at January 29, 2004 11:57 PM


I was just going on the big penis bit, I chose to ignore the stereotypical implications. *shrug*

Mmm... big penis...

by Jen at January 30, 2004 5:49 AM


No JadedJu I kind of agree with you now that you clarified your point. I can see how a reader would feel like he or she had been asked a loaded question.

by anna at January 30, 2004 7:53 AM


But isn't that a good stereotype? Like Seinfeld said, “How can it be racist if you like it?” I’d like it if women took one look at me and decided I have a large pecker. I do have big feet. Does that count?

by MrBlank at January 30, 2004 9:49 AM


Sweeping stereotypes always hurt somebody. Maybe a lot of redheads benefit from being considered wild in bed, but some of the more prim types probably would not appreciate such a label. Sweeping stereotypes sure hurt the guy this post talks about; imagine if people always expected you to have a giant peter & then you pull out a little petie?

Anna, gods love you, you write a lot of posts that presuppose that the readers are white hetero males... you typically portray your female characters as sex providers and little else while the men get developed personalities. (But I try to forgive you for this one because I do the same thing with the males I write about...) Additionally, you flatten out gay people into Will & Grace caricatures. And characters who are not white are always portrayed as the Others.

Just my opinion.

by Linz at January 30, 2004 11:42 AM


P.S. Bob, bad samaritans are people too...

by Linz at January 30, 2004 11:45 AM


Since you're hanging around us you're counting yourself part of the crowd you allude to above, right Bob?

I have to admit that I was a bit taken aback by this post at first, then I read it again and I took Anna to be making fun of the typical black stereotype. Then I wasn't bothered as much. Usually stereotypes are made by people who know no better. All of us are unique in our own way regardless of race, gender, or sexual orientation so to classify a whole people on the actions of a few is nothing short of ridiculous. It seems to happen too much in our society though, in my opinion. This begs the question "Are we a nation of complete idiots?" which is a stereotype in itself.

by Ezy at January 30, 2004 1:25 PM


Well Linz there may be something to that. I will, in the future, try to portray all persons in a more well-rounded way. Here's a start: I came to be good friends with a new guy at work. He acted in what you'd say was a stereotypical gay way. As it turned out, he was. He was also real into sports, tools and old movies like me. We got along well. Then again, he'd often say similar things about me and the stuff I say. For the sake of his own sanity, he'd say, he assumed I was just trying to get a rise out of someone. The benefit of the doubt is a good thing.

Alas, he since left the office scene to work as a carpenter.

by anna at January 30, 2004 6:43 PM


Oh and Mr. Blank, you've got something better going on. Some people tend to assume that folks who wear glasses are smart. Most gals, I would think, put intelligence way above big dicks on their wish lists. I know I would.

In rereading Linz's comment, I noted "gods love you." Was that a typo or a new, pluralistic update on the old, monotheist "God help you?"

by anna at January 31, 2004 1:34 PM